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Codependency Articles
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- Marriage after Sobriety - by Submitted on May 16, 2017 from Darlene LancerWhen long-awaited sobriety finally arrives, partners expect their past relationship problems will disappear. Often, there is a “honeymoon” period when they’re on their best behavior and reaffirm their love and commitment. After all that they’ve been through together, they have high hopes for a ...
Views: 1587(2 votes) - Reclaiming That Little Lost Boy - by Submitted on May 14, 2017 from David HarmMy favourite recovery author is John Bradshaw. He is the one who introduced me to the idea of the inner child. And he also helped me understand that alcoholism is never a primary illness, but rather it is a secondary disease. Bradshaw believes that the primary illness is co-dependency or as he ...
Views: 1580 - Stop always depending on someone else - by Submitted on Apr 24, 2017 from Joan Marie WhelanWe all have issues and problems that need to be attended to but it is wrong to put pressure on others to solve your problems or make you feel better. That is your job! Take responsibility for your feelings, for how you value yourself and for what is happening in your life. If something isn’t ...
Views: 1606 - Why Women Date Bad Boys - by Submitted on Apr 12, 2017 from Merryl LentzBad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do when they come for you? For some women, the answer is, "Hurl myself into his tattooed arms." These women are captivated by his untamed wildness, fearlessness, nonconformity, rebelliousness, boldness, charm, charisma and independence. With testosterone ...
Views: 1712 - Getting Triggered and What You Can Do - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2017 from Darlene LancerGetting your "buttons" pushed or getting "triggered" is an opportunity to heal and grow. The more hurts we've endured and the weaker our boundaries, the more reactive we are to people and events. Our triggers - our buttons - are our wounds. Codependents are off the charts when it comes to ...
Views: 1727(2 votes) - Is Your Relationship Toxic? - by Submitted on Mar 25, 2017 from Darlene LancerHealthy relationships nourish and support us. Like poison, a toxic relationship is one that is damaging to us. Instead of uplifting us, it makes us feel worse. When it ends, we might experience post-traumatic stress or a lessening of our self-esteem and trust in ourselves and others. Although ...
Views: 1647(2 votes) - Codependency is based on Fake Facts - by Submitted on Mar 11, 2017 from Darlene LancerCodependency is based on a lie. Its symptoms develop to cope with the deep, but false and painful belief – that “I’m not worthy of love and respect.” In the chart to the left, core symptoms of codependency are in red, but nearly all the symptoms revolve around shame – the shame that accompanies ...
Views: 2099(1 vote) - Child Abuse: Should Someone Expect Other People To Empathise Them If They Were Abused As A Child? - by Submitted on Mar 05, 2017 from Oliver JR CooperThe beginning of someone’s life can be a time when they received what they needed in order to develop into a well-adjusted adult. As a result of this, they will now have what they need to handle life. Now, this is not to say that their life will be plain sailing; what it comes down to is ...
Views: 1633 - Relationship Killers: Anger and Resentment - by Submitted on Feb 12, 2017 from Darlene LancerAnger hurts. It’s a reaction to not getting what we want or need. Anger escalates to rage when we feel assaulted or threatened. It could be physical, emotional, or abstract, such as an attack on our reputation. When we react disproportionately to our present circumstance, it’s because we’re ...
Views: 1471(2 votes) - Secrets and Lies: The Damage of Deception - by Submitted on Jan 22, 2017 from Darlene LancerTrust is a fragile. Secrets and lies jeopardize trust and can damage us and our relationships – sometimes irreparably. We all tell “white lies.” We say “I’m fine,” when we’re not, compliment unwanted gifts, or even fib, “The check is in the mail.” But in an intimate relationship, emotional ...
Views: 1682(1 vote) - Warning! Bad Boys may be dangerous to your emotional health! - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2017 from Laney Zukerman The Relationship Coach(Note: Bad Boys is a metaphor for toxic partners. Just flip the pronoun to female depending on your relationship). Bad Boys are everywhere. The corporate office, the gym, your neighborhood, a charity gala or the backyard bbq. Before they end up in your heart and in your bed, it will be in ...
Views: 1497(1 vote) - CODEPENDENCY ADDICTION: STAGES OF DISEASE AND RECOVERY - by Submitted on Dec 10, 2016 from Darlene LancerCodependency has been referred to as “relationship addiction” or “love addiction.” Our focus on others helps alleviate our pain and inner emptiness, but by ignoring ourselves, it only grows. This habit becomes a circular, self-perpetuating system that takes on a life of its own. Our thinking ...
Views: 2094(1 vote) - How to Raise Your Self-Esteem - What Is Codependency? - by Submitted on Nov 12, 2016 from Darlene LancerSelf-esteem is key to success in work, and enjoyment of life and relationships. It affects our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and how we handle life's challenges. Low self-esteem underlies addiction, anxiety, depression, abuse, intimacy problems, and codependency. Our self-esteem is usually ...
Views: 1969(2 votes) - 10 Habits that Lower Self-Esteem and Cause Depression - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2016 from Darlene LancerWhen our self-esteem is low, which is typical of codependency, we’re at greater risk for depression. Codependency is learned, and so are self-esteem and the beliefs and habits that cause both low self-esteem and codependency. Self-esteem is what we think about ourselves. It includes positive and ...
Views: 2554(2 votes) - ***What Makes a Truly Holistic Recovery Program? - by Submitted on Sep 30, 2016 from Dean TaraborelliWe Have Living Proof that You Can Re-write, Re-experience and Re-create Your Life The Sanctuary at Sedona is a non-12 Step holistic addiction recovery program. We were founded by Dean Taraborelli who was a self-proclaimed ‘chronic relapser’, unsuccessfully seeking addiction recovery for 30 ...
Views: 3037 - STEPS TO BE EMPOWERED AND NOT A VICTIM - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2016 from Darlene LancerIn recovery circles, being a “victim” is frowned upon. Decades ago, when I heard people say they were no longer a victim, I had no idea what they meant. Actually, a victim is an individual who has been fooled, hurt, or harmed, due to his or her own emotions or ignorance, an unfortunate event, or ...
Views: 1699(1 vote) - The Challenge of Forgiveness - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2016 from Darlene LancerForgiveness can sometimes feel impossible or even undesirable. Other times, we forgive only to be hurt again and conclude that forgiving was foolish. Both situations arise from confusion about what forgiveness really means. Forgiveness doesn’t require that we forget or condone another’s actions ...
Views: 1645(1 vote) - Narcissist's Projection, Projective Identification, and the Victim's Introjective Identification - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2016 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist’s False Self is grandiose. The narcissist seeks to maintain his inflated fantasy of himself. He denies, slices and splits off, and “evacuates” or projects onto others emotions, cognitions (thoughts), traits, ...
Views: 2844 - Codependency, Addiction, and Emptiness - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2016 from Darlene LancerEmptiness is a common feeling, and there are distinct types of emptiness, but it’s psychological emptiness that underlies codependency and addiction. Whereas existential emptiness is concerned with your relationship to life, psychological emptiness deals with your relationship to yourself. It’s ...
Views: 2139(2 votes) - BREAKUP RECOVERY - by Submitted on Jun 18, 2016 from Darlene LancerBreakups can be severely painful. Love stimulates such powerful and pleasurable neuro-chemicals that rejection can feel like withdrawal from a drug. It can compel us to engage in obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior, even in animals. Rejection and breakups are especially hard for ...
Views: 1576(1 vote) - Sons of Narcissistic Fathers - by Submitted on Jun 17, 2016 from Darlene LancerSons of narcissistic fathers are driven by lack of confidence. Raised by a self-centered, competitive, arrogant father, they feel like they can never measure up or be enough to garner their father’s approval. Their father may be absent or critical and controlling. He may belittle and shame his ...
Views: 1759(1 vote) - Trauma and Codependency - by Submitted on May 06, 2016 from Darlene LancerYou can make significant strides in overcoming codependency by developing new attitudes, skills, and behavior. But deeper recovery may involve healing trauma, usually that began in childhood. Trauma can be emotional, physical, or environmental, and can range from experiencing a fire to emotional ...
Views: 1613(2 votes) - The Truth about Addiction - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2016 from Lou Worldweaver“The greatest pain is not being loved for who you are in your naturalness.” As you read this article I encourage you not to exclude yourself from having addictive patterns, you can become addicted to anything from the most overt to the most subtle. This includes things like social media, cell ...
Views: 1431(2 votes) - What is Narcissistic Abuse? - by Submitted on Apr 08, 2016 from Darlene LancerNarcissists don’t really love themselves. Actually, they’re driven by shame. It’s the idealized image of themselves, which they convince themselves they embody, that they admire. But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the façade they show the world and their shame-based self. They work ...
Views: 2410(1 vote) - Narcissistic Relationships - by Submitted on Mar 07, 2016 from Darlene LancerSince writing Codependency for Dummies, countless people contact me about their unhappiness and difficulties in dealing with a difficult loved one, frequently a narcissistic partner or parent who is uncooperative, selfish, cold, and often abusive. Partners of narcissists feel torn between their ...
Views: 1765(2 votes) - Is Mental Health Covered Under Health Insurance? - by Submitted on Mar 06, 2016 from Peter MainFor people who depend on any type of private or company insurance to cover the cost of their health needs, the question of whether or not the health insurance policy covers mental health problems is a crucial one for a number of reasons. The idea of a split between physical health and mental ...
Views: 1342 - Codependency: Effect of Self-Esteem on Relationships - by Submitted on Feb 12, 2016 from Darlene LancerResearch has well-established the link between good self-esteem and relationship satisfaction. Self-esteem not only affects how we think about ourselves, but also how much love we’re able to receive and how we treat others, especially in intimate relationships. A person’s initial level of ...
Views: 2024(2 votes) - Recovery from Rejection and Break-Ups - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2016 from Darlene LancerBecause our nervous system is wired to need others, rejection is painful. Romantic rejection especially hurts. Feeling lonely and missing connection share the evolutionary purpose of survival and reproduction. Ideally, loneliness should encourage you reach out to others and maintain your ...
Views: 1759(1 vote) - You Must Change Yourself Before Your Troubled Teen - by Submitted on Jan 05, 2016 from Tyler JacobsonMany parents of troubled teens assign 100-percent of the blame for their teen’s troubles to their teenager. They also think shipping them off to a therapeutic boarding school is all they need to do to fix their teen’s behavior. Unfortunately, the task of parenting a troubled teen is not so ...
Views: 1502 - The Dark Side of Loneliness - by Submitted on Dec 29, 2015 from Darlene LancerMany people, especially codependents, are haunted by inner loneliness. Twenty percent (60 million) of Americans report that loneliness is the source of their suffering. In fact, our emotional reaction to rejection emanates from the area of our brain (the dorsal anterior cingulated) that also ...
Views: 1705(1 vote) - Dysthymia (Chronic Depression) and Codependency - by Submitted on Nov 10, 2015 from Darlene LancerDysthymia or chronic depression is a common symptom of codependency; however, many codependents aren’t aware that they’re depressed. Because the symptoms are mild, most people with chronic depression wait ten years before seeking treatment.Dysthymia doesn’t usually impair daily functioning, but ...
Views: 1955(1 vote) - Recovery From Divorce - by Submitted on Oct 31, 2015 from David HarmAt the time, I couldn't believe it would happen to me. We raised a family, we fought, then made-up, and made plans for our future - together. We didn't always have good times, but I honestly believed we would work through all our problems. We didn't have much money, nor did we go on exotic ...
Views: 1608 - Is Your Guilt True or False? - by Submitted on Dec 29, 2015 from Darlene LancerWe all experience guilt from time to time. But many of us have a hard time letting go of it and find it difficult to forgive ourselves, even though we may readily forgive others. First of all, it's important to recognize whether our guilt is true or false. Just because we feel guilty, that ...
Views: 1513(1 vote) - Twenty Questions Identify Codependency Issues - by Submitted on Oct 10, 2015 from Randi FineIs Codependency a Problem in Your Life and in Your Relationships? Take the Quiz To find out if codependency is a problem in your life, please answer yes or no to the following twenty questions: Do you put others’ feelings, desires and needs before your own? Are you drawn to ...
Views: 1673(1 vote) - The Biggest Cause of Anxiety - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2015 from Darlene LancerAnxiety is apprehension of experiencing fear in the future. The danger feared isn’t imminent and may not even be known or realistic. In contrast, fear is an emotional and physical reaction to a present, known threat. Anxiety is typically characterized by obsessive worry and an inability to ...
Views: 1657(1 vote) - Self-Forgiveness - Is Your Guilt True or False? - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2015 from Darlene LancerWe all experience guilt from time to time. But many of us have a hard time letting go of it and find it difficult to forgive ourselves, even though we may readily forgive others. First of all, it's important to recognize whether our guilt is true or false. Just because we feel guilty, that ...
Views: 1285(1 vote) - 10 Reasons Why Boundaries Don’t Work - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2015 from Darlene LancerHas setting limits not worked? Despite your efforts, are your boundaries often ignored? It's frustrating, but it's not always the other person’s fault. Here's why and what to do. There are several reasons why boundaries don’t work. As I wrote in Codependency for Dummies and How to Speak Your ...
Views: 1965(2 votes) - Am I Manipulating My Narcissist? - by Submitted on Sep 22, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" All told, there are three ways to manipulate the narcissist: (1) To withhold narcissistic supply from him until he comes, hat in hand, begging for more and then you can name your price and dictate terms; (2) To ...
Views: 2083 - He’s Not All Bad and Other Dangerous Fallacies - by Submitted on Jul 12, 2015 from Kim SaeedIt’s hard to admit, but… You’ve been lying to yourself about your partner. There’s an ever-widening gap between the person you want him to be and the person he really is. You have an idea of what constitutes a healthy relationship, yet you forgive your partner when he commits serious ...
Views: 1962 - How to Overcome a Co-dependent Relationship - by Submitted on May 08, 2015 from nancy traversSince co-dependent relationships are not healthy for you, why is it so hard to extricate yourself? Why is it so difficult to get out of a situation that is harmful to you? Well, we all hate change, even if that change may be for the better. And if you’ve been in a co-dependent relationship your ...
Views: 1487 - ***Are You Codependent in Your Relationship? - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2017 from Emma ViglucciOne version of couples struggling that I come across are couples with partners that are codependent. These are the couples that are stuck in patterns that they can’t seem to break, they have a lot of fighting and drama or complete disconnect (conflict avoiding), they feel they are behind their ...
Views: 1501(1 vote) - Stop Reacting, Start Responding! - by Submitted on Mar 10, 2015 from Emma ViglucciDo you find that your interactions with your partner include some of the following? Poor or no eye-contact Giving of the back or talking to the back Talking to the air Not responding, acknowledging or answering questions Dismissing Shutting down, ignoring ...
Views: 1387 - Have Awesome Outcomes, Exercise Your Power to Choose! - by Submitted on Mar 06, 2015 from Emma ViglucciI find that we make poor choices at almost every turn and then wonder how come our relationship and life are not as we’d prefer them to be I find that we do not own our Self and our life, that we do not know who we are and what we are meant to do I find that we do not take the time to design our ...
Views: 1062 - How to Create the Relationship You Desire - by Submitted on Mar 05, 2015 from Emma ViglucciUsually we have good intentions and mean to invest in our relationship. Somehow this fizzles from the moment we have that thought or attitude to the next moment… We are very fickle in our thinking about the status and course of our relationship. One moment we are partners for life, the next we ...
Views: 1027 - You CAN Understand Your Partner! - by Submitted on Mar 05, 2015 from Emma ViglucciA key ingredient in a satisfying relationship is Understanding. When we don’t feel understood we are out of sinc with one another and our needs can’t be met. Understanding validates our existence, is respectful and mindful. It is amazing that most people do not have this necessary ingredient ...
Views: 1072 - "Crying" Gets Your Needs Met! - by Submitted on Mar 05, 2015 from Emma ViglucciWhen we are babies we learn to get our needs met by alerting our parents of a poopie diaper, hungry belly, or an ouchie with our crying. As adults, we continue to try to get our needs met with our �crying�. Our crying has become more sophisticated over time and now takes the form of criticism, ...
Views: 1109 - How Do I want to be loved? - by Submitted on Mar 05, 2015 from Emma ViglucciHow does this happen? Here we are loving a person and doing our best to show them we love, cherish and want to be with them to fail miserably at conveying that message. This is even worse when compounded by difficulties and lack or relationship skills partners bring to the table. But, it ...
Views: 1171 - ***Is Lack of Trust Affecting Your Relationship? - by Submitted on Mar 03, 2015 from Emma ViglucciIs lack of trust undermining your connection with your partner and wreaking havoc in your relationship? Lack of trust might extend to beliefs that your partner is cheating. Or it can be as simple as not trusting your partner to be there, follow through, keep their word, be accountable, get your ...
Views: 1450 - Can You Love Too Much? - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2015 from Darlene LancerConventional belief is that we can never love too much, but that isn’t always true. Sometimes, love can blind us so that we deny painful truths. We might believe broken promises and continue to excuse someone’s abuse or rejection. We may empathize with them but not enough with ourselves. If we ...
Views: 1338(1 vote) - ***It’s Time for Love! - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2015 from Emma ViglucciIt’s amazing how many partners know their partner loves them, but they still don’t feel loved… This is actually kind of an epidemic… Couples struggle because they get stuck in power struggles. They let their Ego get in the way. They approach their situation from a reactive and self-preservation ...
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