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- The Female Bully and the Codependent Part II: “A Smelly Turd in a Pretty Package” - by Submitted on May 18, 2018 from Dr. Anne BrownIn Part One, we discussed some characteristics of the serial female family bully, the way she bullies, her targets and her end game. We looked at some interesting characteristics also seen with the codependent; poor self-esteem and inability to speak her truth or express her anger. In Part ...
Views: 1849(1 vote) - ***12 Signs that you may be involved in a codependent relationship - by Submitted on Oct 23, 2013 from Dean TaraborelliAre you worried that you may be involved in a codependent relationship? You are not alone. Most people associate codependency with a partner who has an alcohol and substance abuse addiction, but there are other situations that can foster a codependent relationship. Following ...
Views: 5645(4 votes) - ***Are You Codependent in Your Relationship? - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2017 from Emma ViglucciOne version of couples struggling that I come across are couples with partners that are codependent. These are the couples that are stuck in patterns that they can’t seem to break, they have a lot of fighting and drama or complete disconnect (conflict avoiding), they feel they are behind their ...
Views: 1549(1 vote) - ***Codependent Recovery – Has their addiction become your addiction? - by Submitted on Jan 22, 2015 from Dean TaraborelliMy loved one has only been sober for 1 month. Why aren’t they answering their phone? Did he/she relapse again? Oh no…not again. You call. They don’t answer. You drive by their favorite restaurant; their favorite bar. They aren’t there. You call their friends. No answer. There it ...
Views: 4500(1 vote) - ***Do You Have the System to Meet Both of Your Needs Yet? - by Submitted on Feb 21, 2014 from Emma ViglucciBeing seen and accepted for who we are is a basic need that specially plays out in our relationship. I find that the driver behind most conflict and dissatisfaction in relationships has to do with the partners feeling they can’t be themselves in one way or another. Partners ...
Views: 1169(1 vote) - ***How to Build More Intimacy in Your Relationship - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2014 from Emma ViglucciCultivate Your Intimacy! The hecticness and speediness of today’s pace of life makes it challenging for partners to synchronize, connect and bond. Add to this each partner’s limitations and the journey to Intimacy can feel pretty daunting. It’s no wonder partners ...
Views: 1545(2 votes) - ***Intimacy is Scary – Are YOU Ready? - by Submitted on Jun 21, 2018 from Dr. Erica GoodstoneMost of us believe that we want to have a loving and intimate relationship with a significant other. But we may not realize what that actually means. We may not be ready to deal with and reveal our own inner demons, those parts of our self that cause us to feel hurt, insecure, ashamed and ...
Views: 4917(5 votes) - ***What Gets You Super Excited … - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2014 from Emma ViglucciOften times couples get so hang up in the business of running their life, attending to their family and other responsibilities, and working that being together, enjoying each other and having fun falls to the way side. This creates a terrible state of affairs where after a while couples forget ...
Views: 1651(1 vote) - 10 Habits that Lower Self-Esteem and Cause Depression - by Submitted on Oct 09, 2016 from Darlene LancerWhen our self-esteem is low, which is typical of codependency, we’re at greater risk for depression. Codependency is learned, and so are self-esteem and the beliefs and habits that cause both low self-esteem and codependency. Self-esteem is what we think about ourselves. It includes positive and ...
Views: 2647(2 votes) - 10 Reasons Why Boundaries Don’t Work - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2015 from Darlene LancerHas setting limits not worked? Despite your efforts, are your boundaries often ignored? It's frustrating, but it's not always the other person’s fault. Here's why and what to do. There are several reasons why boundaries don’t work. As I wrote in Codependency for Dummies and How to Speak Your ...
Views: 2058(2 votes) - 12-Step Recovery and “Things of God.” A Perfect Match. - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2010 from Judy Herzanek~ by Joe Herzanek I’m often asked, especially by many in the Christian Community, if the AA 12-step program conflicts with Biblical Christianity. Some feel that the two just don’t go together. Personally, after three decades of studying and being part of both groups, I have to ...
Views: 1798(3 votes) - 4 Signs of Spiritually Sick People (and how to keep them from infecting you!) - by Those with whom we assemble we will soon resemble, so the simple old saying goes. Yet it tells of a deep Truth. It says that who we are the stuff of our soul at present is being transformed continuously by the nature of the company we keep; so that, in (our) essence we are always moving and ...
Views: 11418(1 vote) - 5 Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Change Your Life - by Submitted on Jul 13, 2017 from Darlene LancerOur thoughts are powerful – for better or worse. Thoughts can set off chain reactions that build self-esteem or undermine it. Authority over our mind is the ultimate power. “Mind is everything. What you think you become,” said Buddha. Thoughts affect not only our mental health, relationships, ...
Views: 2013(3 votes) - Addiction - Surviving the Holidays - by Submitted on Nov 28, 2010 from Lisa EspichThe holidays can be a magical time for families. It is a time for wonderful parties, great food, bonding, reminiscing about the past, and gift giving. Family members often travel great lengths to be together. For many people, it is the only time of year that their family is all together as ...
Views: 3073(3 votes) - Addiction and the Brain - by Submitted on Sep 25, 2010 from Lisa EspichHow can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pains he's causing - why doesn't he care? I can't take the stress any longer. He's destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn't he tired of living this way? These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when ...
Views: 1877(2 votes) - Addiction Recovery - What Families Need to Know - by Submitted on Jan 26, 2011 from Lisa EspichHow can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pain he’s causing - why doesn’t he care? I can’t take the stress any longer. He’s destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn’t he tired of living this way? These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when ...
Views: 2406(2 votes) - Addiction to Venting - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2007 from Margaret Paul"I was up too late with my friend Peg last night," Abigail told me in our phone session. "She was needing to vent. Then I had a problem falling asleep, but at least I was there for her." "How often does this happen?" I asked her. "Oh, fairly often. At least every couple of weeks." "Why do you ...
Views: 3698(1 vote) - Affirming Your True, Authentic Self - by Submitted on Nov 30, 2013 from Darlene LancerEach time you affirm your true, authentic self, every cell in your body cheers “Yes!” When you negate yourself, it has negative biological consequences. To build self-esteem and affirm your true self, try this: Take action to meet your needs. Express who you really are. Think good thoughts ...
Views: 1878(1 vote) - All Of Us Need To Say YES to OURSELVES - by Submitted on Feb 27, 2019 from Dr. Anne BrownPeople-pleasers are at risk in the domains of finance, love, sex, family, and friendship. How is it that we can manage a successful business but still have a failed personal life? Extending a hand to others after taking care of yourself is how we make the world a better place for our children ...
Views: 1086(1 vote) - Are Narcissists Made or Born? - by Submitted on May 20, 2024 from Darlene LancerNarcissists can be hard to empathize with, but research on inherited narcissism shows they didn’t choose to be that way; they bear scars from childhood.Traditionally, childrearing, particularly by the mother, was considered the cause of narcissism. In recent years, more research and twin studies ...
Views: 242(1 vote) - Are you a CAVE Dweller? - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2012 from Debbi DickinsonThere was an extended period of time in my life where I was a CAVE dweller. We all know people that are. CAVE is an acronym for Citizens Against Virtually Everything. CAVE dwellers are the people that look at life as a glass that is half full and complain about it. They complain loudly about ...
Views: 1991(1 vote) - Are you Caring or Caretaking? - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2010 from Dennis PortnoyFrank is a social worker in a hospital. His job is demanding and involves the daily problems of patients and their needs once they leave the hospital. He is continually interacting with doctors, nurses, family members, and community agencies. Due to budget cuts, Frank and two other social ...
Views: 4774(3 votes) - Are You Chained to The Desk? - by Submitted on Sep 23, 2014 from Joy ChudacoffAs I write this, I'm 690 miles from my office in Los Angeles. Actually, I'm in Park City, Utah enjoying a glass of Pinot and writing to you. I'm here on a family vacation getting some much needed rest and a modified digital detox. One of the benefits I've experienced since leaving the office ...
Views: 1368(1 vote) - Are You Codependent? - by Submitted on Sep 29, 2010 from Darlene LancerDo you wonder if you are Codependent? Do you regularly sacrifice your opinions, needs or wants, and then feel resentful? Do you feel guilty saying no and resentful when you don’t? Are you controlled by, or try to control someone else, whom your thoughts and feelings revolve around, as in the ...
Views: 2596(2 votes) - Are You Codependent? - by Submitted on Oct 19, 2012 from Lisa EspichAre you in a relationship with an addict? Have your attempts at helping that person failed? Do you feel powerless? Codependency is a term used when one person develops unhealthy patterns due to the involvement with another person who has the disease of addiction. Some of the negative patterns ...
Views: 1915(1 vote) - Are You Feeding Narcissistic Supply? - by Submitted on Aug 05, 2021 from Darlene LancerNarcissists hunger to have their needs met. If you’re in a close relationship with a narcissist, they expect you to supply them. The term “narcissistic supply” is based on the psychoanalytic theory that concerns essential needs of babies and toddlers to maintain their mental and emotional ...
Views: 845(2 votes) - Are You Kind or Are You Codependent? - by Submitted on Mar 30, 2024 from Darlene LancerDo you wonder whether you're a kind, empathetic person or are you codependent?There is a difference between empathy and codependency. There are codependents who are abusers and not caring, and some people who are caring and aren't codependent. So what's the difference?First, the definition of ...
Views: 291(1 vote) - Are You Love Addicted? - by Submitted on May 01, 2007 from Margaret PaulImagine that you have a little child - a son or daughter, but that you are only 15 years old. How are you going to feel about this child? There is a good possibility that you will feel that this child is a burden, limiting your freedom. You will likely feel that the child is too demanding, ...
Views: 3400(1 vote) - AUTHENTICITY HEALS: 6 STEPS TO BEING AUTHENTIC - by Submitted on Jun 11, 2017 from Darlene LancerAuthenticity is the opposite of shame. It reveals our humanity and allows us to connect with others. Shame creates most all codependency symptoms – including hiding who we are, sacrificing our needs, and saying yes when we rather not – all to be accepted by someone else. It warps our ...
Views: 1773(2 votes) - Avoid being Cheated by Rosemary Price Psychic - by Submitted on Feb 14, 2020 from Pearls of WisdomAvoid being cheated by Rosemary Price psychic. Most of us can get enticed by someone who is not trustworthy at some time or another. But this is when our hearts rule of our. The key to not being scammed is to always have the head rule the heart. Take the example of a designer hand bag for ...
Views: 1131(1 vote) - Backbone Power The Science of Saying No Books on Integrity |Books on Making Decisions |Books on decision making |Books on Co-Dependency - by Submitted on Jan 20, 2020 from Dr. Anne BrownA No-Nonsense Approach to Making Decisions. A Self Help Guide to having Backbone and Integrity in all your choices, short term, and long term. Is this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes? Ask ...
Views: 1134(1 vote) - Become Irresistible! - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2014 from Emma ViglucciI have noticed that when we have the foot to the pedal, we are moving so fast that we actually miss the beautiful scenery around us. We go about life trying to get things accomplished to such an extent that we burn ourselves out and end up actually accomplishing less... So, what's the point? ...
Views: 1879(1 vote) - Benefits of Letting Go Discoverable in Therapy - by Submitted on Mar 30, 2024 from Darlene LancerLetting go of someone we love is never easy. Letting go allows us more freedom in our lives and helps us stop controlling behavior. It might mean letting go of someone who is self-destructive, like an addict. Fundamentally, we’re powerless over someone else. Letting go may feel unloving, but it ...
Views: 288(1 vote) - Boundaries and healing the self - by Submitted on Dec 06, 2012 from Nikki HowesHave you ever felt you were giving too much to others? taking on their problems or allowing them to dump their problems on you? Is it hard for you to say no or tell another person how you are feeling without guilt or shame? These may be signs that your boundaries are fuzzy and could benefit ...
Views: 2417(1 vote) - Breaking Free From a Toxic Environment - by Submitted on Aug 16, 2013 from Yol SwanAna (not her real name*) came to see me because she was having second thoughts about her job and relationship and was looking for direction. She had the desire to switch to a holistic career and had taken some reiki classes. She also remembered being able to see people’s auras when she was a kid ...
Views: 1498(3 votes) - Breaking Up Is Hard to Do - by Submitted on Oct 20, 2012 from Amy TorresSaying the words, "I want to break up," whether with respect to a marital relationship or any other committed romantic relationship, is one of the hardest things a human being ever has to do. Making the conscious choice to end one of the strongest bonds we have ever made frightens us to our ...
Views: 1961(2 votes) - BREAKUP RECOVERY - by Submitted on Jun 18, 2016 from Darlene LancerBreakups can be severely painful. Love stimulates such powerful and pleasurable neuro-chemicals that rejection can feel like withdrawal from a drug. It can compel us to engage in obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior, even in animals. Rejection and breakups are especially hard for ...
Views: 1674(1 vote) - Can You Love Too Much? - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2015 from Darlene LancerConventional belief is that we can never love too much, but that isn’t always true. Sometimes, love can blind us so that we deny painful truths. We might believe broken promises and continue to excuse someone’s abuse or rejection. We may empathize with them but not enough with ourselves. If we ...
Views: 1413(1 vote) - Changes in the World of Therapy Over the Last 30 Years - by Submitted on Jan 29, 2009 from Jason SafferIn my view, as I look back over the last 30 years of being a therapist, I notice how much more human and humane therapists have become and how much more personal the therapy process has become. The momentous impact of more humanistically and transpersonally-oriented therapies has actually ...
Views: 2247(1 vote) - Changing Codependent Dynamics in Abusive Relationships - by Submitted on Jul 09, 2020 from Darlene LancerMany codependents are in abusive relationships with addicts or people with mental illness. The symptoms of codependency encourage the dysfunctional dynamics in these relationships, which in turn worsens codependent symptoms. This makes sense when we consider the definition of codependency and ...
Views: 935(1 vote) - Child Parentification: The Cause, Signs, and Recovery - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2024 from Darlene LancerThe term child parentification was coined in 1967 by family systems theorist Salvador Minuchin, who said the phenomenon occurred when parents de facto delegated parenting roles to children. It can happen when one parent is physically absent or when a dysfunctional family is under stress because ...
Views: 287(1 vote) - Co-dependence Means Always Having to Say You're Sorry! - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2010 from PD RiversYou would never consider your self an addict. You could quit anytime, right? What am I talking about? No, I am not talking about alcohol or drugs or even gambling. I am talking about co-dependent relationships. CAN you quit anytime? Probably not. Statistics have proven that some people can only ...
Views: 2469(1 vote) - Codependency - by Submitted on Jan 30, 2018 from Dr. Anne BrownA No Nonsense approach to Making Decisions. A Self Help Guide to having Backbone and Integrity in all your choices, short term and long term. Is this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes. Ask ...
Views: 1746(1 vote) - CODEPENDENCY ADDICTION: STAGES OF DISEASE AND RECOVERY - by Submitted on Dec 10, 2016 from Darlene LancerCodependency has been referred to as “relationship addiction” or “love addiction.” Our focus on others helps alleviate our pain and inner emptiness, but by ignoring ourselves, it only grows. This habit becomes a circular, self-perpetuating system that takes on a life of its own. Our thinking ...
Views: 2192(1 vote) - Codependency and #MeToo: A Brief History of Abuse - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2019 from Dr. Anne BrownOur History When we look at the history of women as it relates to men, we see that it has only been in the last 100 years that we were given rights. Before we had rights, women and children were the property of men. Men could do with us whatever they pleased, whenever they pleased. This ...
Views: 1384(1 vote) - Codependency and #MeToo: A New Way Forward - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2019 from Dr. Anne BrownRecap So, to recap Part One, we discussed our history as women as it relates to our relationship with men and how up until the middle to late 20th century we didn’t have laws to protect us from abuses. Women, along with children, were property of men. Men could abuse us with no consequences. We ...
Views: 1395(1 vote) - Codependency and Narcissists: What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Part I) - by Submitted on Oct 10, 2019 from Dr. Anne BrownFor this discussion, we are going to stick with our understanding of codependency as a system of distortions that exists on a continuum. Codependents learn personality traits that interfere with knowing one’s self and others. The people-pleasing aspect of codependency might drive the ignoring of ...
Views: 1430(1 vote) - Codependency is based on Fake Facts - by Submitted on Mar 11, 2017 from Darlene LancerCodependency is based on a lie. Its symptoms develop to cope with the deep, but false and painful belief – that “I’m not worthy of love and respect.” In the chart to the left, core symptoms of codependency are in red, but nearly all the symptoms revolve around shame – the shame that accompanies ...
Views: 2190(1 vote) - Codependency: Effect of Self-Esteem on Relationships - by Submitted on Feb 12, 2016 from Darlene LancerResearch has well-established the link between good self-esteem and relationship satisfaction. Self-esteem not only affects how we think about ourselves, but also how much love we’re able to receive and how we treat others, especially in intimate relationships. A person’s initial level of ...
Views: 2114(2 votes) - Codependent Problems in Relationships - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2012 from Darlene LancerEveryone laughs when I tell them that I wrote Codependency for Dummies. But codependency is no laughing matter. It causes serious pain and affects the majority of Americans, both in and out of relationships. I know. I spent decades recovering. There are all types of codependents, including ...
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