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Articles from nancy travers | Selfgrowth.com
- 12 ‘Don’ts’ for Fighting Fair - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2015 from nancy traversConflict is tough for most people. We don’t like it. It threatens us and makes us feel bad. Makes us feel defensive. But we can feel a whole lot better about fighting if we have rules to guide us. When the same rules apply to both you and your partner, you have something you both can depend ...
Views: 1388 - How to Overcome a Co-dependent Relationship - by Submitted on May 08, 2015 from nancy traversSince co-dependent relationships are not healthy for you, why is it so hard to extricate yourself? Why is it so difficult to get out of a situation that is harmful to you? Well, we all hate change, even if that change may be for the better. And if you’ve been in a co-dependent relationship your ...
Views: 1482 - Co-dependency Do You Need to Be Needed? - by Submitted on Apr 29, 2015 from nancy traversMaybe you grew up in a dysfunctional home in a codependent relationship. In the bestselling book, The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls tells of her hardscrabble childhood. Her father was an alcoholic, her mother abdicated her role as caregiver, and the children had to fend for themselves. Walls’ ...
Views: 6554 - Meditation Transformation - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2015 from nancy traversMeditation Transformation – What’s Stopping You? If you could change your brain for the better, would you? If you could increase your working memory and enhance your decision-making ability by meditating, would you give it a try? What if you could also: Slow down the natural decline of your ...
Views: 1438 - What to Do When Your Friend Is Suicidal - by Submitted on Sep 15, 2014 from nancy traversThe last couple weeks we’ve been talking about the important topic of suicide. In the United States, it’s the 10th leading cause of death. The strongest risk factor is depression. Chances are that you have had or will have a friend who is at risk. You may be reluctant to talk to him about his ...
Views: 1699 - Coping Strategies After a Loved One's Suicide - by Submitted on Sep 15, 2014 from nancy traversIf you have experienced the loss of a loved one by suicide, you have a challenging journey ahead of you. Not only do you suffer heart wrenching grief from your loss, but also from the fact that she chose to take her own life. You may wonder if you could have done something to prevent it. You may ...
Views: 1453 - When a Loved One Commits Suicide - by Submitted on Sep 15, 2014 from nancy traversRobin Williams’ recent death left many of us, who didn’t even know him, feeling bereft. How could he, who was loved by millions, take his own life? How could his life have been so unbearable that he had to end it? And how do we cope with the aftermath? About 40,000 people in the U.S. commit ...
Views: 1419 - Can You Be Happy in a Sexless Relationship? - by Submitted on Sep 15, 2014 from nancy traversIf you have a happy, stable, fun, loving marriage, you should count your blessings, right? Right. But what if that marriage is happy, stable, fun and loving without sex? Would you still count your blessings? In other words, can couples be happy without sex? The answer is, it depends. ...
Views: 2060 - How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive People - by Submitted on Aug 14, 2014 from nancy traversThe trouble with passive-aggression is that both the giver and the receiver often have no idea what’s really going on. In other words, the person who’s passive-aggressive (P-A) may know he hates conflict, may know he’s feeling a little angry and may know he’s covering it up. But he doesn’t ...
Views: 1271 - Is There a Passive-Agressive Person in Your Life? - by Submitted on Aug 14, 2014 from nancy traversAt best, their behavior is dishonest. At worst, it’s abusive. But you may not have even noticed it. That’s because a passive-aggressive person can be so subtle you may not realize their supposed joke was really a hostile remark. Or their procrastination at getting something you need done is ...
Views: 1441 - Quotes to Help You Live Life to the Fullest - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2014 from nancy traversAdmit it. It’s easier to slog along in life without great spikes of joy or great valleys of sorrow. It’s easier to follow the path of least resistance. But are you merely existing? Do you feel you could do more with your life? If so, it’s time to jolt out of your comfort zone. Here are a few ...
Views: 1087 - Make a Plan to Combat Loneliness - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2014 from nancy traversFeeling lonely is painful. Often people who feel lonely exacerbate the situation by blaming themselves. Why am I lonely? Because other people don’t like me. Why don’t they like me? Because I’m a loser. It’s not hard to imagine how this internal conversation can go downhill very quickly and make ...
Views: 1166 - Lonely? You’re Not Alone. - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2014 from nancy traversLoneliness is a tricky thing to combat. Loneliness seems to beget loneliness. When you feel isolated you crawl into your shell and become more so. You feel separated from other human beings. You may have physical symptoms too, like an ache or a heaviness in your chest. It’s not a good ...
Views: 1301 - Meditation Fundamentals - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2014 from nancy traversMost of us are so busy that the thought of sitting still for 20 minutes or even 5 minutes a day is beyond us. We know meditation is probably good for us, but rewards seem fuzzy and methodology even fuzzier. What, exactly, is meditation? And do you have to be religious? Meditation is often ...
Views: 1112 - Four Reasons to Quiet Your Monkey Mind - by Submitted on Jul 03, 2014 from nancy traversWith summer here, it’s time to relax. To let yourself daydream. To take time off from your usual frantic schedule. To free yourself from the rigors of daily life and quiet your mind. Lack of structure used to be a feature of summer vacation, but we seem to be increasingly programmed. Maybe it’s ...
Views: 1150 - How to Quit Enabling - by Submitted on Jun 27, 2014 from nancy traversLast week I talked about how easy it is to be caught up in a destructive cycle of enabling someone you love. You may have begun by trying to help. You covered up or filled in for someone who let his responsibilities slide due to dysfunctional behavior—often addition. Over time you got stuck in a ...
Views: 1343 - From Love to Despair: Are You an Enabler? - by Submitted on Jun 19, 2014 from nancy traversAt first you just want to help the one you love. He had a little bit too much to drink and you called in sick for him. She gambled away her funds and you transferred some money into her account. Or you covered for him when he embarrassed you with his dysfunctional behavior because he refused to ...
Views: 1010 - Mustering Courage to Seek Therapy - by Submitted on Jun 12, 2014 from nancy traversSometimes the people who need therapy the most are the very people who find it hardest to seek help. They’re afraid they’re wasting the therapist’s time. They’re afraid they’re wasting their own or their loved one’s money. They’re afraid of exposing their deepest selves—and of trying and ...
Views: 1037 - Is My Therapy Working? - by Submitted on Jun 12, 2014 from nancy traversIt’s easy to see when your friend needs to dial it down at a party. When your cousin’s behavior is a little off. When things are off balance for someone else. But it’s not so easy to see about yourself. Sometimes you seek therapy precisely because you are not clear about where you are trying to ...
Views: 1037 - Dating for Guys - by Submitted on May 29, 2014 from nancy traversLast week I wrote about dating from a women’s perspective. But what about men? It takes two to tango, and men find dating these days just as daunting as women do. Maybe more. Here are some tips: Be Self-Aware ‘Know thyself’ is always good advice, and especially when dating. If you are a ...
Views: 1086 - Dating in the Digital Age - by Submitted on May 23, 2014 from nancy traversI have a friend who protested she didn’t like the “small talk” required in early dating, and wanted to go straight to a relationship. You can go online, research your prospective date and learn everything you need to know about him, right? Wrong. This is one process that you can’t cut short. ...
Views: 1132 - Is Your Friend Manipulating You? - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversYou’re feeling vague resentment, but you’re not sure why. Your friend seems to ask more of you, expect more of you, than you’re willing to give. You’re feeling guilty for not capitulating to your friend’s request. You find yourself wondering why you’re doing something when you really don’t want ...
Views: 1053(1 vote) - Riding Out Relationship Cycles - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversFashion goes in cycles. Palazzo pants, then skinny legs. Mini skirts, then below-the-knee. The economy goes in cycles, too—boom, bust and boom again. So why not relationships? I have a friend who’s close to her brother. But sometimes she’s closer than others. There were years when they both ...
Views: 1092 - Mistakes Even Smart Couples Make - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversThere are different kinds of intelligence. You and your partner may have been good at schoolwork; you may even have an advanced degree or two. That doesn’t mean your intelligence extends to relationships—emotional intelligence. Often being smart in relationships depends on the home you grew up ...
Views: 994 - How a Therapist Can Help You and Your Partner - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversEffective couples therapy depends on a number of factors. Both partners must be willing to make a change. If one has already decided to give up and cannot reengage, then success is probably not possible. The key is to get to a therapist before your relationship has eroded too far. If one or both ...
Views: 1048 - Anxious About Anxiety - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversIf you have never suffered from excessive anxiety, then it may be difficult to empathize with someone who has. Anxious people may seem to be worried about nothing of substance, so it’s tempting to disregard the problem. But the fact is, anxiety—including post-traumatic stress disorder, ...
Views: 1132 - Why Am I Always the One Who Initiates Sex? - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversIf you are the one—male or female—who is always the first to ask for sex, you may begin to think your partner doesn’t want it. But there can be all sorts of reasons why he or she is more reticent than you. They could be medical, psychological, relational or just that you’re off kilter. Your ...
Views: 5399 - Is It Time to See a Therapist? - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversAbout one in four Americans is affected by a mental disorder in a given year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. How many of those seek help from a mental health professional? Not nearly enough. So quite a few people suffer who might not have to if they sought help. But how ...
Views: 1064 - Letting Go Can Be Good. You Can Quote Me! - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversA friend always takes herself out to lunch on her birthday. By herself. She’s been doing this since she was a young girl. It’s a good time to contemplate what you want for yourself in the year ahead. But a good life is not always about what you acquire. It can also be about what you shed. You ...
Views: 1046 - Five Questions to Ask Yourself in Tough Times - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversWe all go through tough times, some more than others. But everybody handles hard times differently. It’s not whether you get hurricanes and tornadoes in life, it’s how you weather the storms that make a difference in your well-being. 1) Are you really worse off? A friend’s mother recently ...
Views: 1230 - Good Manners in the Digital Age - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversThe world has changed so fast that it’s hard to know how to behave these days. Old rules don’t apply and new ones haven’t been created yet. Suffice it to say consideration for the other guy is the key to good manners, and we don’t need Emily Post to tell us that. But when it comes to social ...
Views: 1082(1 vote) - What It Takes to Be a Lady - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversSometimes it’s useful to look back at the generation before us and learn from them. When it comes to being a lady, our grandmothers knew what to do. It’s not about being pompous sticklers for using the fork with the proper amount of tines. It’s about being considerate and behaving in such as way ...
Views: 1050 - Six Essentials to Being a Gentleman - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversA gentleman is a chivalrous, courteous, honorable man, according to the dictionary. You may think gentlemen are people from the past, but thoughtfulness never goes out of style. Basically, a gentleman is considerate of others, and that’s something to which anyone of any age should aspire. Here ...
Views: 1013 - 3 Ways to Put the Spark Back in Your Sex Life - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversSex is a basic human need, but as your partner and you grow, you may evolve at different rates. The desire for sex becomes unbalanced in your relationship—one partner wants it more than the other. And over time, sex may become predictable and the excitement fades. If you don’t have the sex ...
Views: 1462 - When Sleep Eludes You - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversLast week we talked about housekeeping tips to get you to sweet slumber every night. If you followed them, you’ve made your room dark and quiet, you’ve checked your mattress, you’ve banned the TV from your bedroom, watched your intake of caffeine and alcohol, regulated your routine—everything. ...
Views: 1690 - Sweet Sleep Can Be Yours - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversWe all know a good night’s sleep is important. We feel better, more productive when we’ve had enough. But when our body is sleep deprived, it weakens our immune system, making us more vulnerable to infection. So why is a good night’s sleep so elusive? There are a number of fairly ...
Views: 1072 - Good News for Boomer Offspring - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversThree Reasons Their Divorce Rate May Be Lower Than Their Parents Baby Boomers, that group of children born after World War II, were extraordinarily lucky in many ways. They never had to fear the Nazis, war on their own turf, death camps or serious hunger. They were born after atomic bomb ...
Views: 1120 - Bad Habits That Undermine Your Success - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from nancy traversLast week I talked about how you can unwittingly sabotage your own good intentions by negative motivation, blaming others and by getting discouraged too easily. Without even knowing it, you can contribute to your own struggles and thwart your goals. Here are a few more things to watch out ...
Views: 1117 - What’s Sabotaging Your Good Intentions? - by Submitted on Jan 17, 2014 from nancy traversIt’s the New Year, and time to make a new start with all your good intentions to have a productive, fulfilling, happy year. But sometimes it’s a struggle. We get sidetracked, bogged down. Before we know it, our good intentions have vanished into thin air. What hinders us? Negative motivation. ...
Views: 1520 - Five Ways to Think Yourself Happier - by Submitted on Jan 17, 2014 from nancy traversAre you are living in a lackluster state? What can you do to shake the dust off and let the sunshine in? Sometimes all you need to do to attain happiness is look at life a little differently and re-adjust the way you think. Here are some suggestions for thinking the way happy people think: 1) ...
Views: 1078 - New Year’s Resolutions for You and Your Partner - by Submitted on Jan 01, 2014 from nancy traversA happy relationship takes a little thought. I hesitate to quote the cliché that you have to work at your relationship—it sounds so onerous. And it’s really not work to make an effort—it’s an investment of time and energy to make your relationship as great as it can be. Here are a few ...
Views: 991 - Holiday Stress-Busters - by Submitted on Jan 01, 2014 from nancy traversIf you are one of those people for whom the holidays bring a certain amount of dread, take heart. You are not alone. Even those who seem blissfully cheery are susceptible to moments of loneliness or despair, often exacerbated by stress. Here are a few suggestions to mitigate that stress: Take ...
Views: 1175 - Five Thoughts to Stop Thinking and Start Being Happier - by Submitted on Jan 01, 2014 from nancy traversPeople are unhappy for all sorts of reasons, some of them easier to remedy than others. You may not even realize you’re unhappy, yet if you think about it, you are not living up to your happiness capacity. If you are in a rut of negative thinking that makes you unhappy, stop to think about what ...
Views: 1093 - 3 Sure-Fire Relationship Killers - by Submitted on Dec 12, 2013 from nancy traversWhen couples get married they never think they will be among those who get divorced. Yet a hefty percentage of marriages do end in divorce, so some of these people who can’t imagine divorce on their wedding day will certainly face that prospect eventually. Psychologists have identified behaviors ...
Views: 1381 - Great Habits that Build Happy Relationships - by Submitted on Dec 09, 2013 from nancy traversThe habits you develop can have a powerful impact on your relationship with your partner. But all habits take a bit of work to incorporate into your life. Luckily you have great motivation: A happy relationship. Visualize yourself and your partner living together harmoniously. Take baby steps to ...
Views: 1061(1 vote) - 5 Habits Happy Couples Have - by Submitted on Dec 09, 2013 from nancy traversIt’s important to develop healthy habits of all kinds, and that includes habits that have an impact on your relationship with your spouse. At first, you may have to make an effort to practice positive habits, but after awhile they become part of your routine. It takes about 21 days to establish ...
Views: 1364(1 vote) - *The translation is “Praise to the jewel in the lotus,” although there are many interpretations of the religious meaning of these words. - by Submitted on Nov 25, 2013 from nancy traversMany people who suffer from depression take anti-depressant drugs and feel better. But drugs may be expensive, cause side effects and when it’s time to come off the drugs, depressed people are vulnerable to a relapse. Mindfulness-based meditation, often coupled with cognitive therapy (MBCT), may ...
Views: 1762 - A Guide to Mindfulness Meditation - by Submitted on Nov 12, 2013 from nancy traversThe promise of mindfulness meditation is that it can help you become more aware of who you are without the sting of judgment. Unlike some other forms of meditation, mindfulness meditation is not directed toward getting you to think differently. Its goal is to help you become aware of what is ...
Views: 1422(2 votes) - Concentrating on One Thing at a Time - by Submitted on Nov 12, 2013 from nancy traversMulti-tasking is common in our fast moving world. We text while we’re eating dinner and having a conversation with our spouse. We check our e-mails while we file our nails and talk on the phone. The trouble is, we are probably not being as productive as we’d wish. We are probably sacrificing the ...
Views: 1354(2 votes) - So Your Spouse Is Cheating on You - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2013 from nancy traversYou’ve seen all the signs. All the sudden he’s working out when you could barely get him to walk to the end of the driveway to pick up the newspaper. He seems emotionally and sexually withdrawn when he used to want sex all the time. He’s constantly on his computer or cell phone and he’s guarding ...
Views: 1029(1 vote)