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Articles from Sam Vaknin | Selfgrowth.com
- Triggering Cascade, Trauma Imprinting, and Total Reactance - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2019 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" "Triggering cascade" is when a seemingly minor trigger results in vastly disproportional trauma. Painful memories, replete with the attendant negative emotions, are walled behind mental barriers: combinations of dams and ...
Views: 1804 - Teen Suicide and Social Media - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2018 from Sam VakninTeen Suicide and Social Media By Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Social media and the devices that they run on are designed to be addictive, as many industry executives have confessed. Addiction is always punctuated by periods of withdrawal and its “cold ...
Views: 1612 - A Cerebral Narcissist on His Sexuality - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2016 from Sam VakninI am a cerebral narcissist. I brandish my brainpower, exhibit my intellectual achievements, bask in the attention given to my mind and its products. I hate my body and neglect it. It is a nuisance, a burden, a derided appendix, an inconvenience, a punishment. Needless to add that I rarely have ...
Views: 3965 - Narcissist's Frustrating, Negativistic, and Passive-Aggressive Behaviors - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2016 from Sam VakninFrustrating one's nearest and dearest has the dual "advantage" of simultaneously satisfying the narcissist's masochistic and sadistic urges. By withholding love, sex, intimacy, and the fulfillment of other people's desires and needs, the narcissist torments them even as he obstructs his own ...
Views: 2784 - Classification (Taxonomy) of Psychological Theories - by Submitted on Sep 04, 2016 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" All psychological theories can be classified by one or more of these dichotomies (pairs): Dualism vs. Monism The belief that the mind and the body are two separate entities (though in constant interaction via various ...
Views: 1251 - The Narcissist's Stripped Ego - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2016 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist's True Self is introverted and dysfunctional. In healthy people, Ego functions are generated from the inside, from the Ego. In narcissists, the Ego is dormant, comatose. The narcissist needs the input of and ...
Views: 2676 - Abusers Abuse despite Abandonment Anxiety - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2016 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The abuser abuses his intimate partners, significant others, and nearest and dearest because it helps him to regulate his excruciating abandonment anxiety in 4 ways: (1) By devaluing others, he restores his sense of ...
Views: 2308 - Narcissist's Projection, Projective Identification, and the Victim's Introjective Identification - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2016 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist’s False Self is grandiose. The narcissist seeks to maintain his inflated fantasy of himself. He denies, slices and splits off, and “evacuates” or projects onto others emotions, cognitions (thoughts), traits, ...
Views: 2863 - Narcissist: Fake it Till You Make It - by Submitted on May 19, 2016 from Sam VakninWhy do some narcissists end up being over-achievers, pillars of the community, and accomplished professionals - while their brethren fade into obscurity, having done little of note with their lives? There seem to be two types of narcissists: those who derive ample narcissistic supply ...
Views: 1870 - The Universe Single-handedly: Pears Cyclopaedia 2015-6 Edition - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" This one volume cyclopaedia is maintained meticulously up to date by a dedicated team of scholar-contributors, headed by the indefatigable polymath, Dr. Chris Cook. Hundreds of entries in dozens of sections reflect the ...
Views: 1356 - Lidija Rangelovska’s View of Shame - by Submitted on Oct 07, 2015 from Sam VakninLidija Rangelovska advanced the idea that some children subjected to abuse in dysfunctional families – objectified, dehumanized, their boundaries breached, and their growth stunted – develop intense feelings of shame. They turn out to be codependents or narcissists owing to their genetic makeup ...
Views: 1901 - Am I Manipulating My Narcissist? - by Submitted on Sep 22, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" All told, there are three ways to manipulate the narcissist: (1) To withhold narcissistic supply from him until he comes, hat in hand, begging for more and then you can name your price and dictate terms; (2) To ...
Views: 2102 - The Narcissist's Seriously Ill child and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Narcissistic parents of seriously ill children derive narcissistic supply from onlookers, friends, family, colleagues, and community by attracting attention to their role as saintly caretakers. They are demonstratively and ...
Views: 1607 - The Narcissist's Disabled and Challenged Children - by Submitted on Jul 05, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist regards his disabled or challenged child as an insult, a direct challenge to his self-perceived perfection and omnipotence, a constant, nagging source of negative narcissistic supply, and the reification and ...
Views: 4157 - The Narcissist in Custody Battles - by Submitted on May 21, 2015 from Sam VakninThe Narcissist in Custody Battles Presentation made by Sam Vaknin Author of “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited” In the 11th Annual and First International Battered Mothers Custody Conference http://batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/ HOW NARCISSIST SEES HIS CHILDREN 1. ...
Views: 3281(1 vote) - Narcissist and His Body in Health, Illness, and Disability - by Submitted on May 05, 2015 from Sam VakninWhen narcissists fall victim to chronic or acute diseases, or survive a traffic accident, they react in either of four typical ways, depending on the type of narcissist: 1. The schizotypal reaction: the belief that the narcissist's predicament is a part of a larger, cosmic plan, or of a ...
Views: 8257 - The Narcissist’s Relationship with Money - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" When the narcissist has money, he can exercise his sadistic urges freely and with little fear of repercussions. Money shields him from life itself, from the outcomes and consequences of his actions; it insulates him warmly ...
Views: 5094 - Narcissist Loves Pain: His and Others' - by Submitted on Mar 18, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled. Having ...
Views: 2670 - The Situational Codependent: Codependence as Reaction to Life Crises - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Some patients develop codependent behaviors and traits in the wake of a life crisis, especially if it involves an abandonment and resulting solitude (e.g. divorce, or an empty nest: when one’s children embark on their own, ...
Views: 2912 - Spite and Envy: Passive-Aggressive Narcissists - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder is not yet recognized by the DSM Committee. It makes its appearances in Appendix B of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, titled "Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for ...
Views: 2992 - Narcissistic Abuse: From Victim to Survivor in 6 Steps - by Submitted on Nov 12, 2014 from Sam VakninNarcissistic Abuse: From Victim to Survivor in 6 Steps By Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" You have been abused, maltreated, harrassed, and stalked. You feel that you fell prey to a narcissist or psychopath. But, you must move on from victim to ...
Views: 5707 - Nationalism vs. Patriotism: Narcissism vs. Self-love - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Patriotism is akin to the healthy form of self-love: it consists mainly of pride in one’s self-identity and values based on one’s culture and shared history. Patriotism is not exclusionary, but inclusive. The patriot, in ...
Views: 1768 - Cold Empathy: The Narcissist as Predator - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist cursed - or blessed - with mental X-ray vision. He sees through people's emotional shields, their petty lies, their pitiable defences, their grandiose fantasies. He knows when they deviate from the truth and ...
Views: 6092 - The Narcissist Loves His Narcissistic Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Oct 27, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist can get better, but rarely does he get well ("heal"). The reason is the narcissist's enormous life-long, irreplaceable and indispensable emotional investment in his disorder. It serves two critical functions, ...
Views: 1736 - Putting the Broken Humpty-Dumpty Narcissist Back Together - by Submitted on Oct 12, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Positive feelings (about oneself or pertaining to one's accomplishments, assets, etc.) – are never gained merely through conscious endeavor. They are the outcome of insight. A cognitive component (factual knowledge regarding ...
Views: 2429 - Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Bipolar I Disorder - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The manic phase of Bipolar I Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Bipolar patients in the manic phase exhibit many of the signs and symptoms of pathological narcissism - ...
Views: 2514 - Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Asperger's Disorder - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence). In both ...
Views: 2288 - Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Anxiety Disorders – and especially Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – are often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Anxiety is uncontrollable and excessive apprehension. Anxiety disorders usually ...
Views: 1635 - Inner Voices, False Narratives, Narcissism, and Codependence - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2014 from Sam VakninThe narcissist constructs a narrative of his life that is partly confabulated and whose purpose is to buttress, demonstrate, and prove the veracity of the fantastically grandiose and often impossible claims made by the False Self. This narrative allocates roles to significant others in the ...
Views: 3152 - Misinformation about Covert vs. Classic Narcissists - by Submitted on May 15, 2014 from Sam VakninContrary to misinformation spread by "experts" online, covert narcissists are not cunning and manipulative. Classic narcissists are: they often disguise their true nature effectively, knowingly, and intentionally. They are persistent actors with great thespian skills. Not so the covert ...
Views: 4292 - Narcissistic Offspring, Narcissistic Parents - by Submitted on Feb 27, 2014 from Sam VakninThe Japanese call them “parasite singles”, the Americans “boomerang kids”. Sociologists refer to the “accordion family”: it expands and then contracts and then expands again as children return to what should have been an “empty nest.” Why do youngsters opt to live with their parents rather ...
Views: 1860 - Solitude as a Rational Choice - by Submitted on Dec 29, 2013 from Sam Vaknin“Purebred” schizoids shrug off their disorder: they simply don’t like being around people and they resent the pathologizing of their lifestyle “choice” to remain aloof and alone. They consider the diagnosis of Schizoid Personality Disorder to be spurious, a mere reflection of current social ...
Views: 1934 - Munchausen and Munchausen by Proxy Syndromes: Forms of Pathological Narcissism? - by Submitted on Nov 24, 2013 from Sam VakninPatients afflicted with the Factitious Disorder colloquially known as “Munchausen Syndrome” seek to attract the attention of medical personnel by feigning or by self-inflicting serious illness or injury. “Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome” (Factitious Illness or Disorder by Proxy, or Imposed by ...
Views: 1760 - Psychology of The Lifestyle (Swinging) - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2013 from Sam VakninThe Lifestyle involves sexual acts performed by more than two participants whether in the same space, or separately. It is also known as “swinging”, “wife-, or spouse-swapping”, “wife-, or spouse-sharing”, “group sex” and, where multiple people interact with a single person, “gangbanging”. ...
Views: 6851(1 vote) - The Death of Traditional Sex in a Unisex World - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2013 from Sam VakninTraditional sex – the heady cocktail of lust and emotional bonding - is all but dead. In a culture of casual, almost anonymous hookups, suppressing attendant emerging emotions is the bon ton and women and men drift apart, zerovalent atoms in an ever-shifting, kaleidoscopic world, separated by a ...
Views: 1756 - Narcissists, Social Media, and Porn - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2013 from Sam VakninSocial media, such as Tumblr.com, have become the playground of narcissists, psychopaths, and sadists who post extreme and, at times, illegal porn and revel in the reactions to it, thus garnering vicarious narcissistic supply. Via such postings, they express their rabid misogyny by objectifying ...
Views: 3749 - How can you tell a TRUE friend from a FAKE one? - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2013 from Sam VakninA TRUE friend supports you only when he believes that you are doing the right thing in your self-interest and welfare; A FAKE friend supports you always, no matter what you do. A TRUE friend respects you only when you have earned respect and act respectably; A FAKE friend "respects" you ...
Views: 2852(2 votes) - The Test of Three Rs - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2013 from Sam VakninAcquired Situational Narcissism can be induced in adulthood by celebrity, wealth, and fame. But, it may also occur in a variety of other situations. Codependents, aiming to fend off gnawing abandonment anxiety, can resort to and evolve narcissistic and even psychopathic behaviours and traits in ...
Views: 2497 - "I Admire and Support him and He Abuses Me!" - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2013 from Sam Vaknin“I admire and support him. I am his biggest fan. I am his right hand and one woman audience. I am his best friend and his only source of succor. Yet, he constantly humiliates and berates me and abuses me in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. What gives?” He may be a narcissist. The narcissist ...
Views: 2209 - Sexual Fantasies of Narcissists and Psychopaths - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2013 from Sam VakninInevitably, the sexual fantasy life of narcissists and psychopaths reflects their psychodynamic landscape: their fear of intimacy, misogyny, control freakiness, auto-eroticism, latent sadism and masochism, problems of gender identity, and various sexual paraphilias. Fantasies which reflect a ...
Views: 12669 - The Narcissist's Conflicted Relationship with His Fans, Followers, and Admirers - by Submitted on Jul 04, 2013 from Sam VakninThe narcissist depends on his coterie for Narcissistic Supply. He resents this addictive dependence and himself for being so frail and impotent. It negates his self-delusional grandiose fantasy of omnipotence. To compensate for this shameful neediness, the narcissist holds his sycophantic ...
Views: 4140 - TIPS: How to Cope with Financial Abuse - by Submitted on Jul 03, 2013 from Sam VakninQ. Would narcissists often try to restrict their partner's independence by reducing their access to shared family finances? Why? A. Narcissists are control freaks, paranoid, jealous, possessive, and envious. They are the sad products of early childhood abandonment by parents, caregivers, role ...
Views: 1988(1 vote) - Bad Mother, Good Mother, Good Son/Daughter: Offspring of Narcissistic Parents - by Submitted on Jul 02, 2013 from Sam VakninChildren of narcissistic parents grow up to become either sensitized or desensitized to narcissistic behaviours, traits, and personalities. In adulthood, sensitized offspring are able to rapidly discern the presence of narcissists by reading their body language and by resonating with subtle ...
Views: 2676(2 votes) - Impulse Control and Narcissistic Fear of Failure - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2013 from Sam VakninMany narcissistic defences, traits, and behaviours revolve around the compulsive need to sustain a grandiose self-image of perfection (“perfectionism”.) Paradoxically, deficient impulse control helps achieve this crucial goal. Impulsive actions and addictive behaviours render failure impossible ...
Views: 3950(1 vote) - "My Wife's Separate Vacation Spells the Beginning of the End of Our Relationship" - by Submitted on Feb 11, 2013 from Sam VakninSeparate vacations may, indeed, signify the beginning of the end of your relationship - or serve as a boost to its quality and durability. It all depends on several factors: 1. Topical vs. recreational vacations If your wife is addicted to chess and you can't stand the game, she has the ...
Views: 6794(1 vote) - "I Want Him to Pay a Price for What He Did - Yes: I want REVENGE!" - by Submitted on Feb 11, 2013 from Sam VakninThe need to seek revenge on wrong- and evil-doers is as ancient as Mankind. But people attempt to address their grievances in three ways: 1. Punitive-moralistic The aim of this type of vengeance is to restore justice and, with it, the victim’s view of the world as orderly, predictable, ...
Views: 2367 - Once and Future Monogamy - by Submitted on Feb 10, 2013 from Sam VakninThe ancient institution of monogamous marriage is ill-suited to the exigencies of modern Western civilization. People of both genders live and work longer (which renders monogamy impracticable); travel far and away frequently; and are exposed to tempting romantic alternatives via social ...
Views: 1943(6 votes) - People-pleasers and Pathological Charmers - by Submitted on Feb 10, 2013 from Sam VakninPeople-pleasers dread conflicts and wish to avoid them (they are conflict-averse) - hence their need to believe that they are universally liked. Always pleasant, well-mannered, and civil, the conflict-averse people-pleaser is also evasive and vague, hard to pin down, sometimes obsequious and, ...
Views: 7723(1 vote) - The New Matriarchy and the Redundant Male - by Submitted on Feb 10, 2013 from Sam VakninFrom the dawn of history to the late 1950s, the collective had been the organizing principle of human affairs. The pursuit of happiness was channelled via collectives and even dissidents and rebels formed collectives to express their grievances. But, this old system brought humanity to the verge ...
Views: 1897 - Understanding Your Past Relationships and Preparing for the Future - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninRomantic relationships with intimate partners (significant others) are comprised of three components: I. Mate Selection (Choice) II. Relationship Model or Hypothesis III. Termination Triggers Mate selection is critical, of course, but even more ...
Views: 1738(1 vote)