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Articles from Martha Tara Lee | Selfgrowth.com
- Sexual Consent: Women who don’t know how to say no - by Submitted on Mar 06, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeThis is part four of a four-part series on sexual consent. The other pieces can be found here: Sexual consent: When no is no; Sexually Confused: When No is a Game; and No Go: Too Drunk to Consent. In early December, paparazzi pictures of 19-year-old Hong Kong starlet, Rose Chan, being kissed ...
Views: 1650 - Sex - a job or a joy? - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeIs sex a job or a joy to you? Sex means many things to different people, often depending on where they are emotionally, or even the time of their life. For some, it is a chore, a duty, an obligation, simply a way to keep the harmony in a relationship. For others, it may be a way to ensure food ...
Views: 2537 - Masturbation is self-love - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeMention the word “Masturbation” and what do you think of? While masturbation means different things to different people, it is one of the most misunderstood subjects in the world, as it is enshrined in mystery and secrecy because of the simple reason we speak so little about it. Masturbation may ...
Views: 6706(1 vote) - The power of play - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeI have a question to ask you. Amidst the hustle and bustle of your busy work and personal lives, when was the last time you played? Close your eyes and try recalling some of the happiest moments in your life: What might they be? Whether this memory is of you as a child or as an adult, chances ...
Views: 1341 - Silence is golden - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeHave you heard of the saying, “Speech is Silver, Silence is Golden?” This phrase can be traced back to early Egyptians and it essentially means that while speaking is good, saying nothing is better. Discretion can be worth more than even eloquent words. Have you ever felt glad, relieved even, ...
Views: 1332(1 vote) - Enjoying my body, moving without agenda - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeLast September, I attended a ten-day residential program, which is part of the Sexological Bodywork certification in Australia. Though this was the second time I was going through this program, I was returning as one of four assistant coaches. I felt it was important to connect with my community ...
Views: 1436 - Sexology is my calling. What’s yours? - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeI facilitated a session which defined sex, sexuality and intimacy during SlutTalk, a fringe event under SlutWalk Singapore. It was the inspiration for an earlier piece on publichouse.sg with the same title here. After my session, I thought I could go off-work, resume my civilian status, and was ...
Views: 1462 - Want anything? - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeIn this day and age, are we really suffering for want of… anything? Long before budget airlines, it was a very big deal when people would travel to other countries. So much so that friends and family would go to great lengths to show up at the airport just to wish that person ‘bon voyage’. ...
Views: 1064 - The tribulations of a sexologist - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeWhen I started my practice, Eros Coaching, I was told unreservedly by many well-meaning people, often complete strangers, not to do so. Will I have enough business? Are Singaporeans going to come forward? “We are too shy!”, they exclaimed. “Why didn’t you stay in the United States and practice ...
Views: 1073 - Facebook’s Bra Colour Campaign For Breast Cancer Hurts More Than It Helps - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI first learnt about the ‘Facebook Bra Color Campaign’ through the blog post by sex-positive activist Carlin Ross who works alongside the legendary Betty Dodson. The campaign, believed to be started by women in Detroit, Michigan, who are trying to raise awareness of Breast Cancer, asked women ...
Views: 2664 - The Elephant in the Bedroom: Talking About Sex - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeFor most people, sex is a sensitive and difficult subject to talk about. I have come across a man who, after 15 years of marriage, admitted that he and his wife have never talked about sex. Don’t get me wrong. They do have sex. They just don’t talk about it. In other words, they never ...
Views: 2313 - Don’t Lie Back and Think of England - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI am surprised that, in this day and age, I still am asked: “What can women do in bed besides lying back and thinking of England?” In case you are not familiar with this expression, it is an English saying with roughly the same meaning as “to grit one’s teeth”, i.e. to put up with what is ...
Views: 4348 - Why I Became A Sexologist - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeIf there is one question I am asked almost every time I meet somebody new, it is this: “Why did you become a sexologist?” Even complete strangers on Facebook find it is their business to pose one-liner questions along the lines of: “Is your job for real?” Occasionally my polite replies ...
Views: 1891 - Sex Is Not The Same As Sitting For The ’10-year Series’ - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI tell my clients that sex is not the same as sitting for the ‘10-year series‘. For those who don’t know, the 10-year series is a colloquial term unique to Singapore where students refer to official compilation books of examination papers for the past years for the GCE N-levels, O-levels and ...
Views: 1353 - Sex – Learning to Ride a Bicycle - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhy is sex like learning to ride a bicycle? Well, do you know how to ride a bicycle? Not the four-wheeled type. The two-wheel ones (one front, one back) upon which the rider needs to be balanced. If yes, how long did it take you to learn to ride one? While you were learning how to ride the ...
Views: 2252 - Primal Sex for Cameron Diaz - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI adore the American actress Cameron Diaz. She dares to be ridiculously funny in ‘The Mask’, has men swooning over her in ‘There’s Something About Mary’, gets to kick butt in ‘Charlie’s Angels’, and is not shy in admitting that she can’t sing in ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. She smiles readily, ...
Views: 1920 - Smile – You’re A Woman - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeA smile is a wonderful thing. Yet it appears that a smile can have more connotations than what is usually appreciated (on the surface) in our society. At the age of eleven, I was taught this poem when I joined the Brownies (a school uniform group similar to the Girl Scouts): “A smile is a ...
Views: 1202 - Getting Feedback After Sex (Part 2) - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeIn a previous piece, I talked about the role of open- and closed-ended questions to get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. You might begin asking for sexual feedback by using a few open-ended questions. If your partner is not forthcoming, or you wish to get clearer answers, ...
Views: 2706 - Getting Feedback After Sex (Part 1 of 2) - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeIn previous pieces*, I have covered how sex is not a one-way experience (in ‘Don’t Lie Back and Think of England’), as well as how sex can be like an elephant in the bedroom when it comes to communicating any problems that might be occurring. This week, I would like to suggest ways in which we ...
Views: 2565(1 vote) - Pouring ‘Cold Water’ - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHave you ever poured ‘cold water’ over somebody else’s happiness? In a literal translation from the Chinese language, ‘pouring cold water’ means dousing the flames of passion. This usually happens when the opposite party is feeling elated about a new love, promotion or business deal, and ...
Views: 1449 - Getaways for Couples in Singapore - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeLoh Lik Peng. Does this name sound familiar? If you are any Singaporean worth your salt, you would know that he is an hotelier and restaurateur with not one, not two, but three boutique hotels located in Singapore. What may be lesser known is that his empire also includes six restaurants in ...
Views: 1650(1 vote) - Toys for Adults - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHave you heard of the expression, “Men don’t grow up; their toys just get bigger and more expensive.”? True, since adult men don’t talk of Matchbox cars, but full-sized motorized ones. What of their electronic devices and gadgets from the iPhone, Wii, mp3 players, to laptops? While we have ...
Views: 1488 - Revised – Sexual Terms - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI was browsing through the October issue of an expat magazine recently when I chanced upon an article entitled, “Well-being and Sex”. Intrigued, I read the piece, only to come upon the sexual terms: ‘sexual transmitted diseases’, ‘impotence’ and ‘frigidity’. The author is obviously not a ...
Views: 1223 - Gurls of Singapore - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThere is a new beauty pageant in Singapore. It’s named TruMe, an online transgender beauty pageant organised by Action for Aids; it will be officially launched next month. The moderator of Sggurls, a transgender activist who identifies herself as Nicole Singslave, told me that she coined the ...
Views: 1467 - Today’s Parent: Account of a Tuition Survivor - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI had tuition from when I was in Primary One until Secondary Four. My younger sister started from when she was Kindergarten Two. She started early because she wouldn’t leave me alone during my tuition lessons – insisting on playing with me, talking with me, peeping on me – she felt left ...
Views: 1165 - Slow Down, Cowboy! - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHow can one overcome premature ejaculation? When is faster not necessarily better? That’s right – when we are talking about premature ejaculation or ‘PE’. PE is also known as ‘early ejaculation’ or ‘eager ejaculation’. This occurs when a man ejaculates quicker or earlier than desired. It is ...
Views: 1404 - Five Tips for Sex Dates - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeSex does not magically happen. You are stymied by a lack of time and energy and having kids have only caused sex from being erratic to the point of non-existent. You love your spouse and want to keep an intimate connection. However life gets in the way. Sex has turned into a dull routine and you ...
Views: 1332 - How Does One Stop Multi-tasking During Sex? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeePossible reasons of multi-tasking during sex can vary considerably: from boredom due to predictability of sexual routine; stress and anxiety stemming from work; habitual need to overachieve; to genuine lack of time in juggling work and household chores. Sexual inhibition from any kind of trauma, ...
Views: 1641 - What is Slow Sex? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeAs the name suggests, it refers to the reverse of fast sex, think fine dining or a 12-course meal as opposed fast food. Slow sex does not necessarily infer to the amount of the time needed for sex, but the way it was being done – slow. It would be good to set aside 30minutes to practice slow ...
Views: 1583 - What is Considered a Low Sex Drive? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhat is considered a low sex drive for females? There is often a sexual desire discrepancy between the male and female. I like to first emphasize that just because you have a lower sex drive than your partner does not necessarily mean there is something wrong with you. What this means is that ...
Views: 1841 - Can Food Boost Sexual Desire and Performance? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeAphrodisiacs are substances that supposedly enhance erotic perceptions and sexual performance. In virtually all societies, people have sought such agents and have attributed magical or powerful properties to unusual substances, like ground rhinoceros horn. It is controversial whether any single ...
Views: 1218 - Too Tired for Sex - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhat to say when you are too tired for sex. There are three things to say when you are too tired for sex. 1. Say something polite, nice or caring. Thanks for asking, but… (can state reason) I’m glad you asked, but… (can state reason) 2. State your alternative. I’d rather… I ...
Views: 1180 - Do’s and Don’ts for Your Sex Dates - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeDo's Discuss what makes a good date in your opinion so your partner knows Take turns planning the date and making it happen the way you like it to Talking about what is going on in your relationship right now, or resolve old issues End the evening with a high note or with a fun ...
Views: 1346 - Spice Up Your Sex Life - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhat factors should a couple take into consideration when wanting to spice up their sex life? Consider if your partner is a visual, auditory or kinaesthetic (touch) person. Does irritating sounds bother him to no end? Is he particular about textiles, fabrics and the way they feel next to his ...
Views: 1267 - Best Positions to Have Sex - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara Lee1. For a quickie You have a few minutes and you want it hot, quick and sexy! Try Wall Standing Sex where both partners are standing doing penetration. The female uses a wall to support herself while being penetrated. Tip: Bend your knees to change the angle of penetration. The guy may wish ...
Views: 1905(1 vote) - Setting Sex Goals For 2011 - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWe set resolutions, goals and targets for all manner of things, from our career and our finances to our love life; so why not for our sexual lives? Your face might be wearing a bemused expression after seeing the above title. But, let’s pause and think about it. We set resolutions, goals and ...
Views: 2030 - Faking Orgasm – Good or Bad? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhen you fake an orgasm, you are essentially putting on a show for the benefit of your partner. Your reasons could vary from “getting it over with”, “sparing his feelings”, misleading yourself with “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt”, to the inner satisfaction of “pulling it off” and “getting away ...
Views: 1689 - How Do I Get Her to Orgasm with Me? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeDuring intercourse, it is the outer third of the vagina that is most stimulated. Some women are able to orgasm through this vaginal penetration. That is, vaginal orgasm — without clitoral stimulation. However research has shown that (Shere Hite’s 1976 survey of 3,000 women) only 30% of women ...
Views: 1233 - How Will The First Sex Session be Like? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHow will the first sex session be like? Be aware of your feelings and know it is normal to feel excited and awkward at the same time. Talk to each other: ask what’s working and what isn’t, don’t assume that what feels good for you feels good for her. During lovemaking, the penis is ...
Views: 1852 - What Can I Do About Premature Ejaculation? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeePremature ejaculation happens when a man ejaculates earlier than he would like to. It is also known as rapid ejaculation, rapid climax, premature climax, or early ejaculation. The average male takes less than three minutes from the time of insertion till he ejaculates. To gain greater orgasmic ...
Views: 1153 - How Do I Start Using Sex Toys? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeFor starters, you can use a vibrating ring which looks like a hair band except it has an external battery with an on-off switch. Have your husband stretch the vibrating ring over his penis and rest it at the base of his erect or non erect penis, and watch the penis come to live as you turn the ...
Views: 1678 - Five Ways to Maximise Sex - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWork out suitable times in the week both of you can make sex happen. It might sound unromantic to plan time for sex but we all know how to make time for what is important to us – and sex deserves us making time. The anticipation, lead-up and preparation for the date will make it ...
Views: 1514 - Does Male Circumcision Make Sex More Pleasurable? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeDoes male circumcision make sex more pleasurable for both the guy and the girl? The extra lubricating functions a foreskin provides are not present in men without a foreskin. However this can be remedied with the addition of a lubricant. If anything, the men I have encountered who underwent ...
Views: 2058 - Does Frequent Masturbation Cause Premature Ejaculation? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeFor most men, their earliest sexual experiences are with masturbation done secretly and quickly, for fear of being found out. Hence it is often believed that such early experience actually condition some men’s sexual response to a pattern of rapid ejaculation. In reality, masturbation is one of ...
Views: 2189 - Do Guys Need to Take Protein Supplement After Making Love? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeDo guys need to take protein supplement after making love to replenish the loss of protein? There are many ingredients composing semen. A few of the constituent elements: vitamin C, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, citric acid, creatine, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, ...
Views: 1862 - How Can I Make My Penis Thicker, Naturally? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThe length or girth of a penis is not the measure of a man. Penis pumps, pills, and patches can only make your penis bigger temporarily. They all work on the same principle of increasing blood flow in order to get a thicker penis. I would be wary of any body alternating devices and invariably ...
Views: 5467 - How Can I Make My Orgams Stronger, Naturally? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThe idea of having better orgasms isn’t meant to make you feel like there is anything wrong with the orgasms you’re currently having. Here are some basics: 1) Breathe so your orgasm becomes more of a full body experience; 2) Instead of tensing up and holding still during orgasm, move your body ...
Views: 1807 - How is “Oversexed” and Sexual Addiction Different? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThe definitive DSM-IV-TR, which is the latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association, does not recognize sexual addiction as a diagnosis. Conventional wisdom among therapists has long been that there is no such thing ...
Views: 2139 - Oral Action - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHow can a man best use his tongue to bring a woman to orgasm? What are some techniques he can try? Our fingers are hard, dry, and possibly chafing. On the other hand, your tongue is warm and moist, hence probably superior to the penis in giving her an orgasm. Also it is easier for most women ...
Views: 1293 - How Do I Help Her Overcome Her Bedroom Insecurities? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara Lee1. Do not make fun of or dismiss her anxieties/ insecurities as irrelevant, nonsensical and the like. 2. Find out where her comfort level is i.e. she doesn’t like/ want to do A, B, or C. What can she do or is willing to do? Start from there. 3. Gently stretch her comfort ...
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