Dave Shields is The Official SelfGrowth.com Guide to "Relationship Advice". You can find complete information on Dave Shields and his products by visiting Kenosis Center.
INTRODUCTION
As long as you project your own traits, emotions and behaviors onto your partner, accusing him/her of owning these, rather than accepting them as part of you, you are harming the relationship. Becoming aware of your projections and taking responsibility for all your traits, ... Views: 1829
Dating Advice for Women Over 40
It’s safe to say that when you’re over 40, the dating game changes significantly. You aren’t imagining it. In fact, the challenges of dating for women over 40 are so specific that getting good advice is critical to finding love with less heartache, pain, and ... Views: 6405
Dear Dr. Romance:
I am in a bit of a weird situation... Im 16 and I am engaged to a guy I only met 2 months ago. I thought he was joking so I just went along with it, and it was only when he gave me a ring and started talking about venues and dates that I realised he was serious. I only ... Views: 1855
So you have already made the choice that you are going to try to get a psychic reading. You might be excited about it while at the same time feel nervous as you try to internalize what is going to happen. You ask yourself whether you are really prepared to hear what the psychic is about to ... Views: 1086
This Christian relationship help will enable you to recognize five characteristics of a narcissist. Narcissism is difficult to deal with in relationships and recognizing it will enable you to respond differently to it. Jesus was constantly aware of what was in the heart of the people he dealt ... Views: 2228
Breakups hurt as anyone going through one will attest to. Some people feel sad for a while, change some routines in their lives, reconnect with friends, and bounce back rather swiftly. Others, however, become entrenched in insurmountable sadness and gut wrenching grief. Why is it that some have ... Views: 3534
If you’re a woman over 50 coming out of a long marriage, it’s probably been a while since you’ve dated…so this might be a good time for what I like to call some “Dating Updating.” Just a few changes can take you from feeling kind of dowdy and outdated to feeling chic, confident and pretty ... Views: 1195
Are you looking for Christian codependency help that will enable you to recognize burnout? "Burnout" occurs when you have pushed yourself too far for too long (usually because you believe you have no other choice and God wants you to), and as a result you find yourself emotionally, physically, ... Views: 2236
Is your Christian codependency resulting in you keeping the peace in unhealthy ways?
Here is a biblical example of someone who tried to keep the peace by covering up and fixing a problem codependently and as a result, it later escalated and caused more hurt and fallout. Absalom intervened ... Views: 1369
There's a joke I once heard about codependence: How can you tell if a drowning woman, is codependent? Answer: Someone else's life passes in front of her eyes. Of course, the female gender holds no monopoly on codependence but I report the joke as it was told to me by a "recovering" person in AA. ... Views: 1719
For a good while, I've had to talk to numerous people about how to let go of harmful relationships. Getting out of harmful relationships has been a very hot topic in the press for several years. The topic seems relevant to the needs of many. However, there is a danger to such a negative outlook. ... Views: 1580
Having worked with thousands of relationships, I have a few tips for those of you want to cut your losses and leave a bad one. First of all, let's dispense with the notion of immediate "friendship." If you've been struggling with a destructive relationship, then you're going to need more ... Views: 4005
"I need some space!" is a familiar expression to most of us, either from the giving or receiving end. I suspect that more women have heard this expression from men than vice-versa. This is probably because more men adopt the evader role in the pursuer-evader dance of boundary-troubled ... Views: 1706
Ahhh, that feeling! Your spirit soars. You feel like you're being lifted higher and higher. If feels so good it must be right. Right? Maybe you'd better watch out for those cruel rocks below! How many of us have taken that flight, only to plummet to despair when our illusions are shattered. ... Views: 1437
"Love is the most powerful force in the universe." Most of us actually believe that, if love is strong enough, it will create a healthy relationship in addition to changing the course of rivers and moving mountains. Forgive my indulgence in cynicism but the parallel is appropriate. For some ... Views: 2380
"Trust". It's one of those sacred words in relationship lingo that automatically projects an aura of goodness and wholesomeness. Conversely, "mistrust" seems to reek of evil and pathology. If you ever want to evoke visceral and mindless reaction from someone, just ask "Don't you trust me?" Most ... Views: 1669
In working with thousands of couples over the years, I have found certain themes to emerge again and again. Three of the most frequent themes are really myths about the nature of loving. As myths, they can be very destructive to intimacy. They lead to a misguided effort to create the illusion of ... Views: 1559
They called from their remote fishing village in British Columbia. They had been on the precipice of a divorce but had backed away in horror after getting a closer look at all the damage that would have followed. They were willing to try the radical alternative of a private seven-day sailing ... Views: 1948
Over the past 35 years, I have seen thousands of couples in marriage counseling. I thought it might be interesting to list out the personal traits and values of the most competent partners who do the best at maintaining their relationships. Instead of taking your partner's inventory I would ... Views: 1573
How many times has each of us received an emotional wound followed by the justification, "I'm only being honest!" "Honesty" is like other sacrosanct words like "love", "unselfish", and "caring" that have the ability to put people's forebrains to sleep. The mere utterance of the word has the ... Views: 1498
Anger. Isn't that the emotion that wrecks relationships? Terrifies children? Provokes violence? How can anyone say anything positive about it? For many of us who have grown up in dysfunctional families, trying to appreciate anger may seem like extolling the virtues of migraines.
Let's first ... Views: 1234
Political Differences in A Family
Dear Dr. Diana,
The dreaded political season is here. I put it that way because my husband and I get along well for the most part until politics are involved. It’s amazing that two people with such different opinions get on as well as we do. But things ... Views: 1939
We all seem to think that we need to find our perfect mate or soul mate. But does a perfect mate even exist and, if so, does this mean that the only way to be happy is to find this perfect soul mate? What if you don’t? What if you spend your entire life looking, only to end up alone in your ... Views: 2599
I discovered that I had a piece of work to do on expressing genuine love and affection when I’m angry or hurt – I would go into my ego and get into some all or nothing thinking where I couldn’t give my partner a real warm hug for example when I was feeling hurt or angry. It would take me a ... Views: 1837
All of us know how a small stone thrown into a pond can stir up ripples all around it. This imagery is a good way of showing how a single person can make a big impact on his surroundings and the people around him. It shows how a person and his attitude can affect so much even without his notice ... Views: 1137
In a loving relationship, sometimes your words do not have the impact that you intend. When there is a disconnect between what you intend to communicate and the impact of your words, you are not communicating clearly, and this leads to problems in a relationship. In good communication, the ... Views: 5119
People do not get married with the intention of getting a divorce. On their wedding days, people envision themselves spending the rest of their lives with the person they form a union with at the altar.
Unfortunately, American divorce statistics indicate that 41-50% of first marriages, 60-67% ... Views: 1350
The day a man marries he's doing so with a full heart and the very best intentions. You'd be hard pressed to find a man who recently wed who will say that he doesn't believe his marriage will last. People just don't take the walk down the aisle or make the emotional commitment if they don't ... Views: 17134
Do you often catch yourself saying and doing things just so that people will not be displeased with you? Do you feel afraid of angering people or making them dislike you for any reason? These people could be your colleagues, friends, family or even salespeople at a store. Unfortunately, you may ... Views: 4731
Ever had that daunting experience of losing your partner because you feel even a smidge of distance growing between you two? If so, you’re not alone. Countless women experience this everyday in their relationships, especially when they think the relationship is going so well.
Are men just ... Views: 6392
In this modern day and age of technology a lot of relationships have a huge base in the social media part of life. For example Facebook lets everyone know if you are in a relationship. And obviously mobile phones are probably the most common form of communication now. People in a relationship ... Views: 1615
When we don't understand what happened in the conflict, we always look for WHAT or WHO caused the conflict. While trying to figure things out, it's helpful that we trace and discuss things over. However, if people are quick to put a blame on people frantically, this is a problem.
Blaming is ... Views: 1830
The Five Best Friends of the Abusive Man
Truly abusive men are out for themselves. These are the narcissists and sociopaths who walk among us in plain clothes. Abusive men rely on these five strategies to gratify their needs ahead of or at the expense of their partner:
1. Denial
Even with ... Views: 2835
I finally figured him out. I know what he really wants – to be nurtured in a motherly way. If I kiss his head, hold him tight and let him feel loved he eats it up. I guess this makes sense based on lack of love from his own mother when he was a kid.
This flash of insight came from a client ... Views: 1074
If you find yourself in unsatisfying relationships over and over again, or without a partner, the reason might well be that you sabotage yourself without even knowing that you do. One way might be, to project onto your partner traits, emotions and behaviors you deny in yourself. When these are ... Views: 3171
Are you frustrated by your "broken picker?" Learn how to navigate the tricky space between picky and selective using these four tips!
If you are sick of attracting men who are emotionally unavailable, it's not because you have a "broken picker!" More likely, you are not listening to what he ... Views: 4211
Tears came to my eyes as I told my friend, Karol, how amazed and grateful I am for the relationship John and I share. We love each other more than I ever imagined possible. “How can it keep expanding and getting better?” I wondered out loud to her. Karol said she feels the same way, her 34-year ... Views: 1621
Most people will admit, when pressed, that they do have a temper. Each individual has a different degree of anger within them and it's often brought to the surface when things completely go awry. In a marriage that can differ slightly. Some women, who have been married for a time, seem to ... Views: 13101
How to get a guy to love you forever is what every woman wants to know. If you truly love someone, then you wouldn’t want to let him go and you’re content to spend you life with him. You want to cherish your time together and hope that this happy feeling will last.
When it comes to “how to ... Views: 7486
"If it were a snake, it would 'a bit ya!" That's what Ethel Mertz always said to her husband Fred (Lucy Ricardo's neighbors in I Love Lucy) when he'd wander around looking for his glasses – which were always on top of his (bald) head. Do you remember that?
Well, this is what I could have said ... Views: 3010
This Christian relationship help will tell you what to do with five common alcoholic dilemmas. When someone you care about drinks, you naturally want to make him/her stop. Drinking isn't good for the person or your relationship. People who care about a drinker can get too caught up in rescuing, ... Views: 1259
Five Sure-Fire Ways to Tell He Is Definitely Interested in YOU!
Whether you are making eyes at some hunky guy over your latte, or on a first date with a man you think might be a keeper, you need to know how to tell if a man is interested in you. Check in using our Five Point “Is He Into Me” ... Views: 2670
In my counseling practice, couples are often surprised to learn they can communicate and solve problems effectively without fighting; but sometimes you may find it’s not so easy to give up your struggles. You may have trouble letting go of the fighting habit because of two factors: social ... Views: 2799
Is It Safe?
Marital or couple counseling is an intimate experience that by design enables couples to disclose and address issues held secret. Those issues held secret may be from each other or from outsiders – including therapists.
Once the word is out there though, the next issue is how ... Views: 1304
After infidelity, lack of communication is what drives most couple towards divorce. As time goes on, couples get used to each other’s presence and intimacy takes a back seat.
Communication in any relationship makes for the very foundation and in marriages, it is what keeps it going. However, ... Views: 1562
Most people face challenges and experience confused feelings about the whole purpose of their life. The choices they face seem too overwhelming which could be due to betrayals, loss of a dear one, unfulfilling career, financial worries, etc. All these problems can make one feel very insecure ... Views: 619
A baby is born. You gaze upon the baby and see an angel’s face, impossibly smooth skin still flecked with gold, hair like spun silk, clear eyes, and then the smile that breaks your heart into a thousand pieces. You see the incarnation of goodness, the flesh definition of purity and light. You ... Views: 1667
I can’t escape it, it’s in the news every day, and it fills my counseling office. Yesterday, the news told of a four-year-old who was shot to death by his own father, because the father was jealous of his divorced wife’s new relationship. "O, beware... of jealousy; it is the green-eyed monster" ... Views: 2344
Agreement or disagreement is much less important than good communication as a way of enabling people to deeply understand each other, and, thereby, gradually develop the ability to feel inwardly close to each other, as caring good friends. Good communication, as the basis of true friendship, ... Views: 1776
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Discover why you might be obsessing about an ex and how to stop.
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"How do I stop allowing my ex to consume my thoughts?" asks Tammy.
"Is your ex consuming your thoughts, or are you consumed with your ex?" I ... Views: 4950