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We all get angry. It's a normal, useful, healthy emotion. It's not our anger that gets us in trouble. It's the way in which we express, or suppress, it that that exacerbates the situation.
The majority of people I've met believe that there are only two ways of handling anger: the first is ... Views: 1160
Everybody gets angry, even me. Professionally, I've been helping people understand and reduce their anger for twenty years. And in all honesty, I do practice what I preach. I experience far less anger and frustration than I did when I was younger, perhaps some of which is due to age. People ... Views: 1160
What happens to couples when they are forced by external circumstances to live together? How does this situation affect each partner and their children, if couples have children? I suggest that, rather than fighting their situation – which does not solve the problem anyway – couples should face ... Views: 1159
Being a news junkie, I’m glued to the cable networks. Wedged between the peccadilloes of badly behaving starlets and inappropriately tweeted photos, the anchor brings in two political panelists to discuss the upcoming election (Already? Really? Oy!) To feign “balance” he has a GOP strategist and ... Views: 1158
If you've been following the presidential debates, you are well aware of the bullying behaviors of some of our candidates. Gone are the days when politicians debated national and global issues. Shockingly, but not surprisingly, the debates have mutated into verbal warfare against each opponent. ... Views: 1156
There are thousands of things that trigger our anger: aggressive drivers, rude coworkers, disrespectful children, lying politicians, high taxes, unfairness, and favoritism just to name a few. A critical statement or offensive comment can raise our ire to which we may respond with indignation. ... Views: 1156
We all seek to be powerful. I'm not speaking necessarily about having authority over others but we certainly want to have control over our own lives. Yet even the most well-intentioned, enlightened person wants to control a particular situation or individual at times. Certainly, parents impose ... Views: 1152
In one of the families I worked with lately, the father, a very successful director has been working about 18 hours a day and was abroad once a month, leaving the mother alone to cope with their two babies. After two stressful years the company he worked for collapsed. He was subsequently ... Views: 1152
Have you ever found yourself in a situation that was somewhat confusing, uncomfortable or perhaps even dangerous? Sometimes it's hard to understand why things happen or why we must participate in particular activities. We don't often understand why certain people enter our lives or why they ... Views: 1151
If you've read my book, The Secret Side o f Anger, or attended one of my lectures on the topic, you know that while there are thousands of events that can trigger anger, there are actually only three root causes: hurt, fear, and frustration. In any given circumstance, you can trace anger back to ... Views: 1149
Anger is the emotional energy within each of us that rises up when something needs to change.
If you act on the need to create change, your anger can be channeled effectively; but it’s not redirected to something effective, your frustration will build, sometimes to hurricane force.
Anger ... Views: 1147
We all know that one of the most dangerous place in the community is the construction site. That's why people who are working there are required to wear helmet and some protectors. There is also a person that continually checking the safety of the construction workers as well as the safety of ... Views: 1147
Quite naturally, one of the biggest concerns about taking an online anger management class is whether or not its legitimate. Far too many of us have spent money on something online that we thought was a high quality product only to find out that it wasn't what it was advertised to be.
Online ... Views: 1147
Relationship 202
There are a million books out there on relationships – every conceivable kind of relationship. Many were probably written by authors about what they think should work. Some books are written by professionals based on the stories from their clients. Fewer still, like Dr John ... Views: 1146
I've been thinking a lot lately about why we fear our more serious conflict conversations, why we put them off or hold them in unconstructive ways.
I had one of my own recently and was really quite uncentered for a bit, thinking about how I wanted to hold the conversation, what my positive ... Views: 1144
Does conflict disrupt your workplace environment? Read on! Judy Ringer answers some commonly asked questions on the subjects of workplace conflict, difficult people, and how to manage them more effectively.
Q. What are some typical breakdowns in the workplace?
JR: I wouldn’t call them ... Views: 1142
You Are Wrong!
I was distracted today by a vigorous “debate” that I stumbled upon on Amazon.com. I never realized just how active the discussion groups at Amazon are and regarding much more than books! One such subject was the health care battle that is currently raging in Washington. Now I ... Views: 1139
If you are being affected by child disciplining problems, there is a strong likelihood that the happy child guide can assist you. An essential factor to take into account, prior to us starting, is the fact that it can be best to keep a receptive imagination. We're not here to evaluate you in the ... Views: 1137
"In between stimulus and response, there is a pause, and in that pause we have the opportunity to make a different choice."
~ Victor Frankl
Reading a blog post recently by my friend and colleague, Judy Warner, I was inspired.
Although I teach aikido techniques like the practice of centering ... Views: 1136
Don't you hate it when someone tells you not to be angry? People seem to think that they know best how we should or shouldn't feel. I was on the phone recently with a friend who needed to tell me something sensitive and prefaced it with "Now don't get mad at me for telling you this." So I ... Views: 1133
Check out Webster's dictionary. Anger is defined as "a feeling of discomfort or displeasure brought about by feelings of helplessness and powerlessness." My personal definition of a victim is one who views themselves as having no power or authority. Many times, a victim will claim that in a ... Views: 1133
When I was younger I must have fallen asleep for twenty years like Rip Van Winkle. Then when I awoke, somewhere in adulthood, I noticed a most unusual evolving phenomenon: in a world where only two distinct races existed (black and white) there were now Hispanics, Asians, Latinos, and others. ... Views: 1132
Anger is a very powerful emotion which many conclude is a bad feeling. Whether one chooses to use it in a constructive manner or in a hostile way, it carries a lot of punch (figuratively speaking, of course). As you become angry your body's muscles tense up. Inside your brain, neurotransmitter ... Views: 1132
Have you felt as though you have tried everything? That nothing works? You have searched for the answers from everyone you can think of and even though they all have suggested something different, you have tried it all. While doing what others suggest may be helpful, there are more questions ... Views: 1132
The ancient Egyptians had a fairly complicated process by which they were allowed - or not – to access what we might now call “Heaven” after their death. Among other things, they were to approach the gods of the Underworld with a series of negative affirmations: a recitation of all those things ... Views: 1131
I read an interesting few lines in an article by William E. Krill, Jr. L.P.C. The article is entitled, The Child Victim of a Narcissistic Personality Disordered Parent. Although he is writing about the experience of children and the non NPD parent, he also writes about counselors working with ... Views: 1123
The current recession in the U.S. presents some unique challenges to couples. This is due to a very specific set of circumstances that came together in the past two years, particularly in the Southwest and in Florida. Adding to job loss and depletion of savings, couples in these parts of the ... Views: 1118
You have worked side-by-side with your team for quite some time and the good news is that it has been truly enjoyable. You get along, you work hard together and you laugh hard together. Lucky you, this might even be an example of a high performing team. You assumed it was because you had so much ... Views: 1117
My Husband Wants Me Out Of His Life: My Husband Is Telling Me He No Longer Wants To Be Married
There are two ways you can look at an unhappy marriage. The pessimistic way to look at it is to believe that the situation is beyond redemption and irretrievable. Any attempt to save your marriage ... Views: 1117
We all argue. Well, for sure we all disagree. Arguing is an option. We can peacefully debate opposite sides of a topic and without having it escalate to anger, shouting, name-calling, and hurt feelings. Yet oftentimes it does. When people do not feel as though they are being heard or understood ... Views: 1117
Everyday Dilemma: Should I point out my thinking and doing is right, even though you’re telling me I’m wrong? Or, should I take the high road, avoid conflict, and let you believe I’m wrong and you’re right?
‘You’re wrong!’ Those words were a red flag to my bull. I love being right; and ... Views: 1114
We had a family gathering last week that one of my sons refused to attend. One of his brothers had said and done something to him a couple of months earlier that was very hurtful and he refused to come to any activity if his brother was going to be there.
What his brother did and said was ... Views: 1111
When I have a client with a difficult relationship with a boss or colleague, there is a simple exercise that I ask them to do. It is a transformational exercise that can become a life-changing practice.
It is simply to list the positive aspects of their “difficult person”. This includes ... Views: 1111
Do you have a partner, a colleague, a friend, a loved one where everything is a challenge and every conversation becomes a competition; where if they don’t get their way, there is hell to pay; where they are relentless in their pursuit; where somehow or other they are always right; where if they ... Views: 1110
Mary Carol read the email from Tisha and was really annoyed. She had just met with Tisha yesterday and everything seemed fine. Now here was this really harsh email. It made no sense.
The most puzzling thing was that working with Tisha was like working with two different personalities all ... Views: 1108
We live in a harsh and judgmental world where people are quick to point out the faults and imperfections of others yet seem oblivious to their own. Some misguided souls believe they have a moral obligation and civil duty to help you to be a better person by telling you what a failure you really ... Views: 1108
We all have the opportunity to be mediators at various times in our lives. Two family members are arguing and cannot come to a resolution about the issue in dispute. We intervene and lend a helping hand. Perhaps an objective third part can offer some insights or suggestions that have alluded ... Views: 1107
Want an authentic relationship full of truth and humor? Read on…
My husband Murray and I both listened to the call of our Muses eight years ago and quit our secure jobs to follow our dreams. I had two children in college and a tenured job with a school district, but I knew my body and soul ... Views: 1104
Question, what is the resource that you cannot acquire more of?
Do you think it is money? Do you think it is a specific type of skilled labor or a certain type of raw material? NO! Although you or your company might be feeling financially challenged you can find ways to earn money, you can ... Views: 1101
Never mind this unarmed youth just came from a convenience store that he robbed. Never mind reports that this 300-pound youth reached into the police car and tried to grab the officer's gun. We don't really know the whole story, but the story seems lop-sided and makes the black population angry, ... Views: 1100
One of the more common definitions of conflict is that it is a clash between two (or more) opposing groups or that it is a power struggle or a battle between opposing forces.
When you think of conflict, you may think of it as a negative (think power struggle or battle) or you may think that ... Views: 1099
Are you developing troubles parenting your young children? In the event you would really like to be amongst those that have great results when becoming a mother or father for your children, the occasion to perform things appropriately is while they are still around the adolescent age. Therefore, ... Views: 1099
You finally recognize that your adversarial battle isn’t resolving your dispute. You’re draining your resources both financially and emotionally. You don’t believe your former partner would ever negotiate a truce, let alone a settlement. Mediation is discussed and one person says they’ll go but ... Views: 1099
We live in a harsh and judgmental world where people are quick to point out the faults and imperfections of others yet seem oblivious to their own. Some misguided souls believe they have a moral obligation and civil duty to help you to be a better person by telling you what a failure you really ... Views: 1099
Conflict Resolution in the Bird World
(or how to find a win/win solution with someone who seems to be a bully.)
I usually spend some of the Christmas period at my parental home in Surrey, South East England. Outside the kitchen window there is a bird feeder suspended from an apple tree. One ... Views: 1094
Your employee Jill, is often late to work and leaves early. Her work is behind and other employees in the department seem to always be picking up the slack for her. Jill is polite and friendly and, while she's at work, seems to be concentrating. She rarely socializes with anyone at work, ... Views: 1092
The biggest obstacle to effective conflict management may just be your own history! You and the others in your relationships all have a past when it comes to communicating, building relationships and managing conflicts.
Your patterns of behavior are built on your perceptions of what is ... Views: 1092
“Oh no, here we go again” thought Joe as his Quality Assurance Analyst Heidi approached him with his memo, complete with typos circled in red ink. He was not really annoyed by Heidi, she was just doing what she does; he mainly felt embarrassed. After all as the leader shouldn’t all of his work ... Views: 1088
Chasing a young boy, a weary mother is desperate to catch him. The back yard alley turns and twists as if it were a labyrinth seen in the lawns of the old English castles. Barbs and thorns poke into the pathway from the walls- tearing at her clothes. Tripping over the gnarly roots on her ... Views: 1088
I'm not a fan of boxing nor professional wrestling. I find that, as in real life, the players don't always fight fair. I understand that much is done strictly to boost ratings but still I find it distressing. In real life it is even more disturbing for much damage can occur when one or both ... Views: 1086