Even though human beings live on the same planet, what is clear is that they are not all having the same experience. Not only are there going to be different experiences that some people have in one country and some people have in another, but there will be differences that people experience in the same country.

At the same time, no matter where in the world someone lives or what their circumstances are, they will experience things that just about every other human being will experience. For example, they will experience loss, fear, and doubt and have moments when they feel insecure.

A Unique Experience

Along with this, each person on this planet is having their own experience and this will relate to what is happening in their own reality. Yes, this will be made up of things that other people experience and there will be people who are going through a similar experience but it will still be their own experience.

To be specific, when it comes to their own experience, it will relate to their needs, feelings and thoughts, and there will also be how they perceive things. Another part of this is that there will be where they begin and end.

The Ideal

When someone has a clear sense of where they begin and end and is in tune with what is taking place inside them, they will be able to live a life that is worth living. What this comes down to is that they won’t allow other people to walk over them or act like an extension of others.

They will be able to connect with their fellow human beings as opposed to being walked over or walking over others. To use an analogy; they will be in their own vehicle and this will allow them to truly experience life.

Another Scenario

When someone doesn’t have a clear sense of where they begin and end or where others begin and end and is not in tune with what is taking place inside them, they won’t be able to live a life that is worth living. It will then be normal for other people to walk over them and for them to act like an extension of others.

They won’t truly be able to connect to their fellow human beings as they will be estranged from themselves. To use an analogy; they won’t have their own vehicle, they will be in another person's vehicle.

External Focus

In general, their point of awareness is going to be on what is taking place externally, not partly on what is going on internally and party on what is going on externally. Therefore, when it comes to what they should or shouldn’t do, their point of reference will be another person or other people.

The same will be the case when it comes to how they feel, with their emotional state being defined by what is going on around them. So, it will be accurate to say that they will be a stranger to themselves.

The Norm

Ultimately, they are not going to be centred in their own body, their centre will be in the external world. As a result of this, their life will revolve around what is going on externally.

They are then going to have their own body and their own brain, but it will be as though they lack an inner world and thus, don’t have their own personal reality. But, while living in this way is not going to be serving them, they might not be consciously aware of the fact that they are estranged from themselves.

Stepping Back

If they are not consciously aware of what is going on, it doesn’t mean that they won’t suffer. For example, there could be moments when they feel very low and depressed, and even feel suicidal.

Their true self will have been covered up and they will need to reconnect to who they really are and live their own life in order for this to change. After suffering for many decades, they could arrive at the point where they end up looking for answers.

What’s going on?

At this point, they could wonder why they are so caught up in other people’s realities and so disconnected from their own. They might find that their life has been this way for as long as they can remember.

What this may show is that their early years were a time when their own reality was rarely if ever acknowledged. Consequently, they would have been forced to lose touch with themselves and their own experience and to focus on their parent or parent’s reality.

A Closer Look

This could illustrate that one or both of their parents were very self-centred and lacked the ability to truly see another person as being separate from them and connect to their reality. Thanks to this, they were typically unable to see that their child had their own needs, feelings, thoughts and perceptions and realise that they were not their possession.

Most likely, one or both of their parents were also brought up in the same way. But, instead of becoming someone who acted like an extension of others, at least one of them ended up seeing other people as an extension of themselves – which will show that they were developmentally stunted.


In a way, it will be as though their true self has been squashed, and, now that they are an adult, they will gradually be unsquashing themselves and expanding to their real size. Being focused on what is going on externally is not an issue as long as it is counter-balanced with being focused on what is taking place internally.

For one to go from where they are to where they want to be will take courage and patience and persistence. They were conditioned to be this way at a key stage of their life and it was a way for them to survive, so it is to be expected that going down this path will make them feel uncomfortable and that it will take time for their life to change.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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