Narcissistic Mothers: Can A Man Be Attracted To Narcissistic Women If He Had A Narcissistic Mother?

If a man steps back and reflects on his life, what he may find is that he has been with a number of women who were very caught up with themselves. These would then have been women who were consumed by their own needs and had very little if any time for him.

They would then have expected him to be focused on them and meet their needs. Thus, in each of these cases, he would have been treated as though he was an extension of them, as opposed to a separate human being who had his own needs and feelings.

The Same Outcome

After he had been with each of these women, he is likely to have ended up feeling well and truly exhausted. How he was when he first met them would then have been radically different to how he felt as time passed.

In the beginning, he might have felt good and alive but after he had been with one of these women for a while, he is likely to have felt empty. He might even see that he was like an empty shell after.

Sucked Dry

What might enter his mind is that it was as though he was with an energy vampire. Thanks to how much he gave and how little he received, it is not a surprise that he felt washed out after and a shadow of the man that he was before.

As a result of what he has been through in this area of his life on so many occasions, he could believe that this is just what women are like. He will then have two choices: either he dates or has a relationship with a woman like this and perhaps meets some of his needs, or he stays single and doesn’t meet any of his relational needs.

Another Angle

If he were to speak to a male friend about this area of his life, this friend could say that this is just what women are like and that it is best for him to stay single. The view that he has of women will then be validated.

Alternatively, he could talk about this area of his life to a male friend and his friend could ask him about what his mother was like when he was younger. He could say that there is a chance that the experiences that he has had with women are a continuation of what it was like for him with his mother.

A Closer Look

After hearing this, he could say that his mother wasn’t anything like this and that she treated him well. Now, this may be the truth, or it could show that what took place has been blocked out and he has an idealised view of his mother.

If so, he won’t have consciously chosen to block out what happened or to form an idealised view of his mother. No, this will have taken place automatically and unconsciously.

Going Deeper

His brain will have blocked out what happened and caused him to form an idealised view of his mother to allow him to keep it together and function. This is likely to have taken place when he was very small.

From a very young age, his mother wouldn’t have been able to accept that he was a separate being who had his own needs and feelings. Instead, he would have been seen as an extension of her and his sole purpose would have been to meet her needs.

The outcome

What this would have done is caused him to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded. He wouldn’t have received the nutrients that he needed to go from a dependent to an interdependent human being who has a strong sense of self.

If he did express his needs, he is likely to have been criticised, ignored, rejected and/or abandoned. To handle what was going on, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs.

No Choice

This would have involved him losing touch with his connected and embodied, true self, and creating a disconnected, disembodied and outer-directed, false self. The purpose of this false self would have been for him to not only survive but to try to receive his mother’s love.

But, as his mother was probably unable to love him, due to how developmentally stunted and wounded she was, it wouldn’t have mattered what he did. The trouble was that, as he was egocentric, he would have come to believe that he wasn’t enough and was worthless and unlovable.

The Same Story

Many years will have passed since this stage of his life but a big part of him will still be looking for the love that he missed out on. This struggle will also be a way for him to keep the pain and unmet developmental needs that were repressed all those years ago from entering his conscious awareness.

This part of him, as a result of having no sense of time and being blind, won’t be able to accept that this stage of his life is over and another woman is not his mother. For him to move on from what happened, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.
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Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.