Although someone could live in a country and an area that is relatively safe, based on how they live, it will be as though this is not the case. This is because they could have the inclination to isolate themselves from others.

If so, they could only go out when they need to do so, such as they when they have to work or go shopping. When it comes to seeing friends and family, for instance, this could be something that rarely occurs.

A Way of Life

There may be moments when it crosses their mind that they isolate themselves, but this could be something that typically doesn’t stand out. But if this is how they have lived for a little while and is normal, why would it?

Another part of this is that living in this way could just be what feels comfortable. This is not to say that there won’t be moments when they will imagine living in another way and feel frustrated with how their life is, though.


But, after thinking about this, it doesn’t mean that they will end up taking the next step. It could seem as if there is no other way for them to experience life and that they just need to put up with what is going on.

If this is something that rarely crosses their mind, it is likely to show that they will spend a lot of time being out of touch with a number of their needs and feelings. As, if this wasn’t the case, they would spend more time being aware of their need to live in another way.

A Natural Outcome

Ultimately, they will be an interdependent human being, which means that they will need others. Thus, as they largely live as though they are an independent human being, they are going to suffer.

Their need for human contact is seldom going to be met and there will be other needs that are not going to be met. For example, there will be certain things that they will want to experience and achieve whilst they are on this planet but as they spend so much time away from others, they are not going to be able to fulfil a number of these needs.

The Outside World

When they do go out into the world and mix with others, this could be a time when they usually feel edgy. If they don’t have this experience, it could be a sign that they have lost touch with what is going on inside them and feel numb.

Once again, as this is likely to just be what is normal, they might not feel the need to do anything about it. When they get home, they could soon settle down and feel at ease.

Outside Feedback

If a friend or family member was to become aware of how much time they spend by themselves, they could end up being concerned. They could tell them that it’s not good for them to spend so much time by themselves and encourage them to go out more.

Upon hearing this, one could end up feeling ashamed but that doesn’t mean that they will change their behaviour. If what they are told leaves a big mark on them, they could wonder why they experience life in this way.

The Priority

What this is likely to show is that they lack a felt sense of safety and security, along with carrying a sense of badness and a lot of toxic shame, and this is why they have such a strong need to be by themselves. Thanks to this, just about every other need that they have will typically be overlooked.

If they had a felt sense of safety and security, they would be able to freely express themselves and embrace life. But, as they don’t have this in place, their main focus will be to survive, not thrive.

What’s going on?

When it comes to why they are experiencing life in this way, it could be due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing.

Throughout this time, they may have often been neglected and physically harmed. The security and love that they needed, to be able to grow and develop in the right way, wouldn’t have been provided.

A Continuation

To handle what was going on, as they would have been powerless and totally dependent, they are likely to have either disconnected from how they felt and/or isolated themselves. Their brain would have also automatically repressed how they felt to allow them to keep it together and function.

It is partly due to this ability that they won’t have been able to see why their life is the way that it is now that they are an adult. However, with this understanding in place, they will be able to join the dots, so to speak.

Moving Forward

For them to move out of survival mode and to be able to truly live, they are going to need to develop a felt sense of safety and security. They are also likely to need to develop a felt sense of worth, deserving and lovability.

This is something that is likely to take a considerable amount of time. Regardless of how many years have passed since that stage of their life, they will be in a traumatised state and they will need to be patient and persistent.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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