Internal support: Creating positive self communication and affirmations

As individuals, we may spend many years dealing with the fallout of negative statements presented by adults and others in childhood. These statements can range from mild to moderate.

A parent can tell us that we are “Way to loud” and that we “talk to much”. An educator may tell us that we are not adept at a particular subject or ridicule us cruelly in front of our classmates.

Then too, a parent who wishes to see a child have a more productive life than they did may push us to achieve in a way that makes us feel overburdened. Over time, our perceptions of these statements and actions- can influence the internal dialogue we have with ourselves in negative ways.

In my own experience, much of what I heard in childhood had negative connotations. And much of it was not so much directed at me but rather a direct result of the system of belief that was predominate in my home and communal environment.

It was not uncommon for me to hear statements such as “Life is a struggle”; “think the worst and hope for the best”; “You know life is a hustle” or my personal favorite, “It’s going to take luck to get through this life.”

When we are children, especially in environments where our own voices mean little, it is easy to develop negative and self limiting dialogue. Negative self communication can impede our growth in all areas of our lives and make It difficult for us to achieve our dreams and attain our goals.

Fortunately for those of us who are willing to do the work to improve our thought process, there are hosts of positive thinking “gurus” who have written on the subject.

I was ecstatic to find Writer’s like Shakti Gawain (Living in the light), Thomas Moore (Care for the Soul) and a host of other positively motivating and inspiring teachers. Their writings became the fodder for a new foundation of thinking and being.

However, old programs are often a challenge to dispel, and it would take me several years before these teachings became a part of my everyday life.
Negative self talk:

My internal chatter went as follows:
• “I can’t do this. This is too hard.”
• “I love this book. But I could never write like this. I’m not smart enough.”
• “Math is so hard. I’m not ever going to be able to do it. I’m a girl and girls can’t do math.”
• “I hope I can make them like me. It’s going to be hard though. I’m not very pretty.”

On and on went the negative statements inside of my mind. I felt helpless, hopeless, and powerless. After I took the challenge to transform my way of thinking-I noticed a marked improvement not only in my thinking, but my relationships with others, and my everyday life in general. Here are two of the first methods that I found to be most useful in aiding me with changing negative thinking into positive.

Yes statements and affirming words:
New age philosophy and methodology has ushered in a powerful new wave of thought and action. Ways to turn negative thinking, into empowering thinking are among the gifts given to the world by these paradigm shifting thinkers.

The “yes statement” is an internal conversation that sends a positive message to the subconscious mind, without using a negative word. For instance, instead of saying, “I hope I can get a better job.” You would instead replace it with, “I am going to get a better job.

These are the positive steps I am taking to achieve this goal.” The difference between these statements is that in the first is based on hopes, wishes and dreams. The power of action is outside of the self and it is essentially a wished for outcome.

The second statement is distinctly different. There is not only positive dialogue involved, but it is also self affirming; thus an act of positive self communication and a positive affirmation.
Positive mantras:

Wikipedia defines a mantra as follows. “A mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that are considered capable of "creating transformation"
Mantras are indeed a powerful tool for replacing a negative pattern of internal dialogue, with a positive one. “I am a positive powerful light in the world.” is an example of a mantra.

Mantra’s can be uttered repetitiously in the mind, to help bring about a more positive state of self awareness: and can lead to a more powerful and productive self actualization process.

Other methods for transforming negative self talk:
While learning to use “yes statements” and positive words is a powerful way to increase ones ability to perceive the world in an optimistic way, negative programming incurred in childhood will most likely still be present. There are several ways that you can alter this process to your advantage.

One way that experts suggest, is to stop the flow of the thought mid sentence. In an article written for about.com, Elizabeth Scott offers this suggestion.

“Thought-Stopping: As you notice yourself saying something negative in your mind, you can stop your thought mid-stream by saying to yourself “Stop”. Saying this aloud will be more powerful, and having to say it aloud will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts, and where.” (www.about.com)

Other suggestions range from letting a rubber band gently pop against the wrist when negative thinking is recognized, to using milder wording. Scott also suggest you journal your thought process on paper. I can say that of all of the techniques used, this by far for me- has been the most powerful.

Negative thinking is often scattered, confusing and overwhelming. Writing our thoughts on paper allows us to examine them more closely and to possibly determine the root/s of their origin. Let’s look at an example of how this can work. I enlisted in an online MBA program.

It was a wonderful idea, but I failed to realize how much math would be involved. When I was told by my mentor that I would have to do accounting-which she assured me was extremely hard- I immediately panicked.

By writing down my internal thought process on the subject, I was not only able to form a more affirming approach to handling my coursework, but I also was able to tie my incessant negative thinking back to the moment when my mother told me that because I was a girl, I would not be able to do math.

Before that statement was made, I was actually quite good at math. While that old program has not been completely transformed, I can at least now work through accounting problems without feeling as if I am incapable of doing so because of my gender.
All and all, positive self communication and affirmations can change our lives for the better. The more we participate in a loving, self affirming, and empowering conversations with ourselves, the sooner we will be able to attract those things which bring renewed meaning and purpose to our lives.