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Unfortunately, many times, a loved one actually is enabling addiction through their well intentioned desire to help the addict or alcoholic. How does this occur?
Consider the role of the addict; their intention is to continue the using behavior at all costs. What better way to continue that ... Views: 1860
The last time I gave advice to a bodybuilder was in 1981. I was a freshman in high school, and I told a friend's brother to "slow down his reps." I thought that was good information, seeing as how I had just read it in article by Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, this guy put the weight down and ... Views: 1115
There are many people who suffer from addictions, and in some cases their loved ones actually enable the addiction because they want to help. Sure, you want to help the one you love to overcome addiction, but you definitely to not want to enable the addiction any further.
Take a minute to think ... Views: 5226
It is telling that precious few psychology and psychopathology textbooks dedicate an entire chapter to abuse and violence. Even the most egregious manifestations – such as child sexual abuse – merit a fleeting mention, usually as a sub-chapter in a larger section dedicated to paraphilias or ... Views: 2349
Warning! This article will either turn you upside down or be the angel that keeps you on your feet, or both.
Each time I go into a chat room on the Internet, in which the topic is abusive relationships, I hear the question: “My boyfriend pushes me to the wall and braces me there. Is this ... Views: 647
Is sexual abuse worse than emotional abuse? Is verbal abuse less deleterious than physical abuse (beatings)? Somehow, the professional literature implies that there is a hierarchy with sexual mistreatment at its nadir. It is rare to hear about a dissociative identity disorder ("multiple ... Views: 838
Personality disorders are not only all-pervasive, but also diffuse and shape-shifting. It is taxing and emotionally harrowing to watch how a loved one is consumed by these pernicious and largely incurable conditions. Victims adopt varying stances and react in different ways to the inevitable ... Views: 1498
It is not a mental illness. It is, instead, the results of a psychological mechanism initiated in childhood to survive trauma and/or abuse. Operating far below consciousness, the child is not aware of the changes that are occurring in its psyche. In most cases, these children will live long and ... Views: 1304
Feng Shui (fung-shway) is the study of arranging your environment to enhance your life. Every minute of every day your environment is either supporting you or draining you. Feng Shui teaches you to join forces with your environment to make living your best life effortless.
Not only does your ... Views: 13379
No matter what 12 Step group you belong to, or what addiction/dysfunction you're dealing with, it's imperative you use the original 12 Step source material as well as whatever literature your group provides.
The 12 Step Movement continues to grow, addressing all sorts of issues. Unfortunately, ... Views: 1075
You've heard it at meetings, "Have an attitude of gratitude."
It's one of those sayings that gets tossed around and is often greeted with a moan or rolled eyes because it sounds so sappy. Often the mind-set behind the resistance goes something like this:
"Ok, sure, I'm grateful that I'm ... Views: 1442
Have you ever listened to what you're telling yourself? You know, those almost unconscious mental messages you give yourself all the time as you move through your daily life.
Take a moment and listen to what you're saying to you. What sort of messages are you sending to yourself? How would you ... Views: 980
I define a betrayal as any experience, even one that should be insignificant, that produces ongoing resentment, anger, fear and helplessness. Has someone you trusted deeply ever betrayed you? Have you betrayed someone you love? We may rage and punish ourselves and the other, or deny the pain, ... Views: 3042
In the previous part we discussed the healing prospects of a Narcissist. yet, how can a False Self be anything but false? How can anyone on a permanent diet of reflections ever see true objects? How can the Narcissist - whose essence is the devouring of meaningful others and their transformation ... Views: 2599
Many textbooks (and many patients ...) claim that the psychodynamic therapies when applied to personality disorders are ineffective. Functional (cognitive, behavioral) treatments should be preferred in certain cases and regarding certain aspects of the disorder.
To a Narcissist, I would ... Views: 1969
Tips for Gaining Back Trust and Intimacy with Parents and Family Members
Relationships with family members can be fraught with problems and complications. These are the people you can't easily run away from. Yet you might not always want to be around them either. We want to be close to our ... Views: 10824
Let's say you have a bad habit. You continually do the bad habit. Your bad habit is cemented in. What do you say to yourself about the bad habit? *That's just the way I am.* *I'll never change.* *This is the way my life will be from now on.* *I can't change. This is how my friends see me. If I ... Views: 3371
Kids mimic their parents, even if they don't understand what is going on. What are you doing in front of your children?
Do you want to be spontaneous in the act of making love, and does that mean in front of the kids? Regardless of the consequences?
And what are the consequences? This, ... Views: 2549
Life has sent me more than what I consider my fair share of stumbling blocks my way over the years .
My great friend and mentor Les Browns says “When you fall try to land on your back because if you can look up, you can get up. But the problem is most of the time the fall is totally ... Views: 983
Communicate with Kids about Drugs
an excerpt from the book, Positive Discipline for Parenting in Recovery, by Jane Nelsen, Riki Intner, and Jane Nelsen
Recovering parents know first hand the realities and dangers of using drugs and alcohol. The last thing they want is for their kids to go ... Views: 1244
Do you often find that you involve yourself in relationships that disappoint you? Are you not getting what you need and desire from the people you choose to date? Does there always seem to be something missing? If you answered yes to one or all of those questions, you could very well be addicted ... Views: 2545
Many people have done the tough work of recovery from sexual abuse, whether with help in therapy or on one’s own. It challenges us to the core, but it also frees us, and gives life and possibility where we once felt that we might never get through it.
For some, getting into a relationship, or ... Views: 7160
Getting to the root cause of a physical symptom can be a lot like pulling teeth. In my case, it involved literally pulling a tooth….
There was no apparent reason for the eruption of my left upper eye tooth in 1987. It had been crowned along with its neighboring teeth the year I first teamed ... Views: 1061
Writing poetry based in personal experience gives us a chance to focus on small, manageable pieces of past events and transform them into art. When we turn our painful memories into poetry, we remember our experiences, validate them and examine them from a new perspective. As we write, we ... Views: 1700
Often a person with an eating disorder covers her pain so well that even when she tells the truth about her suffering, people don't believe her. They think she is exaggerating, overreacting, in a mood that will pass.
She can look so good or so happy that people who love her and think they know ... Views: 1060
Graceful Guidelines for Sexual Healing
Michael Picucci, PhD, MAC
The article below contains extractions from The Journey Toward Complete Recovery: Reclaiming Your Emotional, Spiritual & Sexual Wholeness. It has appeared in more condensed and more expanded versions in various spiritual, ... Views: 2667
A commentary on the 2007 World Drug Report from the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime by Keith Code
The 2007 World Drug Report released this week by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, has good news for everyone fighting the war on drugs - the "run away train of drug addiction ... Views: 1321
Myth of Silence
Silence as a survival tool.
Generations of children have been sexually abused. It was done to them in secret and they remain silent. Not talking about the painful childhood experiences has been a survival tool. The shame and secrecy that surrounds sexual abuse of ... Views: 1258
You love your partner very much. You want to please him at all costs. You will go out of your way to create the perfect life for him by reducing or eliminating all of his stress and pressures of life. What can be wrong with helping people and ensuring that peace and harmony exists wherever ... Views: 4952
It is time to treat the whole person including emotional and subconscious aspects originating domestic violence and move beyond the current theory of behavioral and book solutions. When treating the whole person results are effective and long term, not the usual shallow help. Growing into ... Views: 1656
Recent statistics show that:
1 out of 4 kids is Bullied.
1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully, or doing some "Bullying."
8% of students miss 1 day of class per month for fear of Bullies.
43% fear harassment in the bathroom at school.
100,000 students carry a gun to school.
28% of ... Views: 972
Sexual abuse is a life altering experience that impacts on many aspects of your life daily.
I liken it to being held hostage with a gun to your head. You spend your days trying to prevent the gun from going off. This may be a graphic description for some; however, if you have experienced ... Views: 1764
I was fortunate to be with family, though far from my home in Los Angeles, when tragedy struck last week. An old friend pulled me aside at the end of that long day when we were raw with terror. "Do you know what I did this morning, after I saw the news, to cope?" asked Bonnie. "I turned off the ... Views: 1284
Dear Friend,
I would like to share with you something I learned from personal experience – I was emotionally and mentally abused for about 15 years in my childhood – in the hope it will be of help to you in your journey to freedom, healing and happiness. And you will get there, that is for ... Views: 3205
It is obvious that we are in a time of change. With all of the changes occuring in the world we should not be surprised when the doors of change open in our own personal life. When my doors opened I was very afraid. At first I didn't recognize them as doors of oppurtunity, I thought my whole ... Views: 1048
When someone we care about is in danger, it is only natural to want to do something. Our hand reaches out automatically when a loved one loses their balance and is about to fall. Parents, understanding they are protecting their teen from the consequences of facing the world on their own, tap ... Views: 13099
Many children of alcoholics (COAs) leave the family they grew up in vowing “I will never become an alcoholic like my father/mother” Or, I will never marry an alcoholic.” Many do become alcoholic. Many do marry alcoholics. Very many suffer in adulthood from self-defeating patterns resulting from ... Views: 2463
Whenever one hundred Americans are gathered together, twenty to twenty-five of them will have been affected by alcoholism. On any given day, one out of four hospital patients in the United States are hospitalized due directly to alcoholism or complications related to it. As a result of the ... Views: 8283
If a stranger came to your door and said, "Hello, I'd like to come in. I promise to keep your kids entertained and while I'm doing that I'm going to show them graphic pictures of violence and murder and rape." What would you do? Would you open the door and say, "Great, come on it. Hey kids, ... Views: 2311
How long did it take you to build, and what did it take to build it?
Picture it as a structure, a building of sorts. What purpose does that structure serve? Can you consult others to help you build that structure exactly the way you want it? What materials will you use to build it? Wouldn't ... Views: 3387
We learn much of what we learn initially through repetitious exposure. It is by becoming present to something repeatedly that space is created for us to learn anew. It is by taking that which we are exposed to and bringing it forth into our life, committing it to action, that we begin to change ... Views: 2106
The hands of the clock (tha pages of the calendar) are going faster than we would like. How in the world am I going to finish this -- in time? How am I going to get through all this traffic -- in time? How am I going to be able to pay my bills -- in time?
I'm dreading class tomorrow. I have to ... Views: 1913
Many people have done the tough work of recovery from sexual abuse, whether with help in therapy or on one’s own. It challenges us to the core, but it also frees us, and gives life and possibility where we once felt that we might never get through it.
For some, getting into a relationship, or ... Views: 1195
Discovering that your child is being sexually exploited through the internet is a highly traumatic experience for both parent and child. Your child may be panicking, frightened that they have done wrong and will be punished, so much so that it may be hard to get any information from them. ... Views: 1690
You are not responsible for the background and circumstances that may have influenced who you are, but you are responsible for who you become.
As I have said before, “we need to learn from our mistakes.” Not only that, but we need to learn from others mistakes. All to often I hear people say, ... Views: 4848
Could you tell us a little about your recovery story?
I'm the eldest of four children and I was born in British Columbia, Canada. My father, a retired Baptist minister, is American and my mother, a homemaker, is Canadian. I was raised in a perfectionist’s household with strict religious rules ... Views: 773
The only thing most of us know to do when life takes an unwanted turn, bringing us what we don't want, is to take a turn for the negative ourselves. And when the circumstance in question really makes a wreck of things, not only do we summarily reject the event seen "at cause," but for good ... Views: 818
Have you ever noticed that whenever a secret is circulating among your close friends you will do almost anything to learn its undisclosed nature? Or, if you think someone knows something that you don’t, you won’t rest until you too are "in the know"? All of this is to say we seem to love ... Views: 982
As I prepared my educational sessions each week I noticed a trend I could not deny. No matter what subject I selected, whether it was honesty, denial, defenses or boundaries the core issue always returned to a lack of self-worth. If the clients felt a sense of self-worth, there would be no ... Views: 8255