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50% of first marriages end in divorce. 75% of those divorcees will remarry. At least 60% of those remarriages will end in a re-divorce. Sobering statistics aren't they? But why are they this high?
50% of first marriages end in divorce
I'm not even going to make a guess at the reason for ... Views: 7953
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Second Marriage Jitters - by Dr. Diana Weiss-Wisdom, Licensed Clinical Psychologist psy#12476
The Birds, the Bees, and Blended Families
Dear Dr. Weiss-Wisdom
My boyfriend and I are both divorced with children. We want to get married but we’re nervous about how to make it work. We both had terrible marriages the first go around. Now things will be even more challenging with the ... Views: 4260
I regularly receive emails from men and women worldwide who are seeking advice on their blended family. These come to me here in New Zealand, a small but famous country southeast of Australia. Sometimes these emails are from individuals saying they want to leave their relationship. Here I ... Views: 1743
I hear the same story time and again; “the kids liked me until I married their father.” So why is it that marriage often serves as the trigger, transforming once charming children into sullen stepkids? Many parents mistakenly believe that because the children are happy about the courtship that ... Views: 5828
Fall is upon us and families everywhere are sending their children back to school. According to many estimates, at least half of those children are engaged in a step-relationship of some sort. Yet, educational institutions lack a clear and consistent approach to managing non-custodial parents ... Views: 2337
It is important to understand the difference between roles in the family (environment) and someone's place in the family.
All too often, people are ostracized from a family due to their inability or unwillingness to fulfil certain roles within it.
Sometimes that inability or unwillingness may ... Views: 1708
November is National Adoption Awareness Month, a time to be thankful for the joys adoption has brought to countless families and mindful of the many foster children in this country still waiting for families to call their own. If you or someone you know has been fortunate enough to build a ... Views: 2467
The Birds, the Bees, and Blended Families
Handling a Sensitive Situation
Dear Dr. Weiss-Wisdom,
My father has been married numerous times and he consistently has terrible taste in women. Most recently, I ran into my current “stepmother” at a restaurant having a romantic dinner with ... Views: 2271
When you remarried and became a step parent you probably didn't realize how hard it would be to be a parent to a child that was not your own. It's tough- really tough,and you rarely receive any praise or thanks. You want to keep your spouse happy, their kids happy, your kids happy (if you have ... Views: 1899
1-You and your spouse have clear house rules that apply to all family members
Yes, this means that house rules don’t change when you are tired, or your spouse is out of town. Both biological children and stepchildren all follow the same rules. It really does help when the parents also follow ... Views: 2163
You and your new spouse have married and blended your two families. Your parents are happy for you but unsure how to treat this new additions to the family. Here's a few golden rules to help them figure out how to respond to your newly blended family:
1- Treat every child the same
Treat ... Views: 4807
1-All contact should be kept to a minimum
One phone call a day is excessive, several text messages a day is extremely excessive. If you have a subject related to the kids- speak briefly and clearly about your expectations. Emails are better than phone calls, if your issue is not an ... Views: 4993
Two adults marry and bring children into the new marriage. Some of these families get along wonderfully, and some families, who have been blended for years never accept each other as family. Here are some reasons a blended family may stay incompatible and not blend.
The couple has children ... Views: 9037
We went to a beautiful wedding a few weeks ago for a couple we have been friends with for quite awhile. My girlfriend had two children from a previous marriage (one boy, one girl) & had told us to feel free to bring our own children if we came.
This was a nice change for us since we have six ... Views: 7630
The “difficult ex” - I think every divorced couple goes through at least a stage of complaining about this. I hear it in nearly every couple I work with, and I had my share of this pain too. It seemed to me for years that my husband’s ex-wife looked right through me as if I didn’t exist, and ... Views: 2187
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know how difficult it can be to integrate all of the new members and adjust to the new boundaries and rules. The following ideas may help you make a successful transition during this challenging process.
Have patience. Establishing new families takes ... Views: 1402
THROW OUT THOSE OLD TAPES, OLD STORIES, OLD MESSAGES!
God doesn't make mistakes. YOU are not a mistake.
Ask God to renew you. The past is past. Tomorrow is a fresh start!
It's God's promise that His grace and mercy are new every morning!
SCRIPTURE ASSURES US...
'Yet this I call to ... Views: 1922
Family members are often our greatest and most difficult ongoing teachers.
A reader of my blog "Getting Along with Difficult People" (www.theawarenessinitiative.com/blog) asked how to get along with family members. I can't say that I've mastered the family conumdrum. In fact, I believe that ... Views: 6251
Dear Dr. Weiss-Wisdom,
I’m so discouraged with my marriage that I almost don’t care anymore. I stayed in my first marriage because of the kids and now I’m remarried and doing the same thing again. I have two teenagers from my first marriage and a five year old now with my second wife. It’s ... Views: 1899
Being a step-parent is a daunting task, even when you get along with the kids. My stepdaughters live three hours away from me and visit every other weekend, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from being part of their lives! I sat down with them and we brainstormed 99 ways we could keep in ... Views: 1724
Stepfamilies are like snowflakes, no two are exactly the same.
My stepkids live with me full time, but that isn't the case for many step-mothers. Many of you are probably spending a lot more time with your stepkids than you are used to doing. This post is dedicated to those of you that might ... Views: 2278
One day while taking a visit to the grocery store, I heard a customer in front of me say, “????? (phonetic- yo may yo yo? Pinyin- you mei you you?)” As I waited in line, I watched as the cashier understood this complex logic of using the same words of pronunciation to form a question and also ... Views: 2081
Every family is blended. Even when all the members are biologically linked, the addition of any new member requires special attention. And though new additions are mostly exciting times, blending can be an experience rich in mixed emotions, with joy and stress being at the top of the ... Views: 1718
Dear Dr. Weiss-Wisdom,
My thirty-two year old stepson has hit some hard times and has had to move in with us. He lost his job, lost his condo in foreclosure, and his girlfriend broke up with him. I’m very worried about him, but my husband thinks he has to just tough it out. My stepson stays ... Views: 1745
If you are like most parents, grandparents, teachers today, you probably think that children are watching way too much television today. Not only are they sitting on their rear ends inside, when you can get them outside, they are playing video games on their cell-phones or other electronics. ... Views: 2162
Families of the 21st Century come in all shapes and sizes. Divorce, remarriage, parenting out-of-wedlock and a host of other variables have turned nuclear families into the exception rather than the norm. As little as a half-century ago, children were typically raised in homes with two ... Views: 23484
I was astonished recently to discover that my 15-year-old daughter is struggling more than I had thought with living in our new home. I got re-married last summer and my daughter Kolbi had seemed to be adjusting very well. She’s always smiling and cutting up with my new hubby, Charlie, and me. ... Views: 2072
Dear Dr. Weiss-Wisdom,
I’m living with my boyfriend who has two kids under eleven years old. What do I do if I don’t like his kids? They are lazy and watch a lot of T.V.-even during the daytime. They don’t pick up after themselves or have any chores. I feel like I’m the maid! When I talk ... Views: 1975
This is part 2 of a two-part series by James Lehman, MSW on Blended Families. In this article, James discusses the importance of respectful behavior in a blended family, and how parents can achieve this from all the children in the family.
Over the years, many parents in blended families have ... Views: 3283
Being a stepparent is a daunting task, even when you get along with the kids. My stepdaughters live three hours away from me and visit every other weekend, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from being part of their lives! I sat down with them and we brainstormed 99 ways we could keep in ... Views: 2063
Being a step-parent is a daunting task, even when you get along with the kids. My stepdaughters live three hours away from me and visit every other weekend, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from being part of their lives! I sat down with them and we brainstormed 99 ways we could keep in ... Views: 1871
“I don’t know what to do anymore,” said Jill, stepmother to two teen girls and mom to one biological son, aged 10. “My stepdaughters don’t respect me—I’m the ‘evil stepmother’ to them—and pretty much ignore whatever I say. And my son is constantly telling me that my husband isn’t fair, and that ... Views: 2408
Years ago, I married into a stepfamily My husband had full time custody of his kids and a demanding career, so guess who had the job of raising the kids! Cathy was almost 8 and WILLFUL.
Naïve and full of expectations, I looked forward to buying her sweet, feminine dresses and doing girl ... Views: 1367
Suzanne is the apple of her dad’s eye - 22, a beautiful, bright and successful architecture student who recently completed study in Europe for six months. Her parents’ divorce had been finalized shortly before she left, and she was dealing with it well - after all, she had a great ... Views: 2746
Family life is full of challenges and rewards. Stepfamily life is no different. Sarah knows just what I mean: “My first marriage to John was a battle from the day it started. I wanted romance and an intimate union; he wanted independence and freedom. He finally found it with another woman. ... Views: 1521
Blended families are often torn apart by between-home conflicts while children are caught in the middle of warring parents. Strengthen your blended family by improving your co-parenting relationship.
The goal of co-parenting (at a minimum) is to contain the anger and conflict expressed between ... Views: 3521
Whether you realize it or not, you have a set of assumptions about how to cook your blended family. By that, I mean your approach to how your stepfamily ‘ought’ to come together. Brenda was cooking her family with a blender.
“It happened again the other night,” she began. “My 14 ... Views: 2553
How Can I Forgive him?
On Blended Families
Dear Dr. Weiss-Wisdom,
My marriage of eighteen years ended three years ago because my husband had an affair with another woman. At first, I tried to forgive him and work the marriage out because we have a daughter together. But he lied again and I ... Views: 1401
Why is it that new puppy owners won't hesitate to sign up for obedience training? They know that it is the easiest and best way to get rid of unwanted behaviors and to establish clear rules and boundaries with their puppy. They attend classes or hire a trainer to learn techniques to make life ... Views: 1031
One challenge that many step parents face but few will admit is that they do not like one or more of their stepchildren. They love their partner, they love their kids, and they find themselves particularly challenged by the behaviors of their step kids.
When a stepmom presents this problem to ... Views: 2480
RIGHT NOW...CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR A MOMENT...
PICTURE YOUR CHILDHOOD PAPERMATE 'PINK PEARL' ERASER...
THAT SPECIAL SCENT IT HAD...EVEN HOW IT TASTED UPON NIBBLING...
AND HOW MUCH YOU USED IT TO FIND YOUR 'FRESH START'.
The famous childhood pink eraser. Yes ! We all know it well. Throughout ... Views: 1700
How Stepchildren Are Like Concrete Slabs
Imagine that you came home from work one day and discovered your spouse had poured a 20x30 concrete slab in the front yard. One corner of this slab sticks into the driveway; another corner took out a few hostas. And it’s a quadrilateral, not a ... Views: 1874
Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It would be easy to give up when faced with all the conflicting methods of parenting and discipline that come to a family who has joined forces together.
As I was doing research for a recent book, I interviewed a young counselor ... Views: 1268
Loving your step- child can be both simple and hard. It is not enough for parents, step parents and extended family to feel a deep glow of love for the children in your circle of influence. You must convey that feeling into a message that is heard, felt and integrated by the child. Children ... Views: 2605
In first marriages, the old saying is to put a bean in a jar every time you make love during the first year. For every year thereafter, take one out every time you make love. By the end of your marriage, it is said that the jar will finally be empty. It's a nice wives tale, but not necessarily ... Views: 2226
Step families are the fastest growing family in America. While that may be the case, there is a lot of confusion about how they function and what they look like. This confusion, unfortunately, leads to anger and heartbreak as these new families quickly realize just how hard it is to be a step ... Views: 1820
Step families are hard. Anyone who says different doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Unfortunately the Brady Bunch just isn’t a reality. Those kids didn’t have two homes they were going back and forth to. They didn’t have parents who were trying to co-parent with an ex-spouse. And ... Views: 3236
According to the Stepfamily Association of America, 1 out of 3 Americans is a stepparent, stepchild, or other member of a stepfamily.
With approximately 1300 new stepfamilies being formed every day in the U.S. and the prediction that by 2010 there will be more stepfamilies in the U.S. than any ... Views: 1297
BUILDING TRUST AND ACCEPTANCE WITH STEPCHILDREN
By
Waln K. Brown, Ph.D.
William Gladden Foundation
If you are having trouble building a relationship with your stepchildren, do not despair. You are not alone. Nearly 50% of all families in the United States are stepfamilies. Many of these ... Views: 3542
How often have we witnessed -- or been part of -- a
situation where one parent hollers to the other, "you ALWAYS
do that and I'm sick of it!" Probably quite frequently. How
often have you seen it lead to a quiet, mature discussion of
the problem? Not very often.
For a stepparent, a ... Views: 1703