Child Abuse: Can An Abusive Parent Be Too Wounded To Admit That They Were Abusive?

If someone were to come to see that their early years were anything but nurturing, they could feel the need to talk to their parent or parents about what happened. They can hope that this will be a time when what they say is validated and empathy and remorse are expressed.

Now, assuming that they were to speak to one of their parents, this can be a time when what they say is validated. This parent can also express empathy and be deeply sorry for what happened.

The Ideal Scenario

Of course, this is not going to make up for the damage that they did but it will be better than not being seen and heard. Thanks to the support that this parent is showing them, it can make it easier for them to heal their inner wounds.

If they are having therapy, there is a chance that this parent will offer to go with them. They might also learn that how their parent treated them was very similar to how their parent was treated by their parent.

Generational Abuse

If so, it will be clear that their parent didn’t just decide to mistreat them; they were passing on what was done to them. Most likely, they were not consciously aware of what was going on and were being driven by old wounds.

Now that they are becoming aware of what they went through and are healing their inner wounds, they will be able to put an end to this pattern. This could be a pattern that goes back many, many generations.

Another Scenario

Alternatively, they could talk to their parent about what they went through but they might not get very far. Instead, this parent could deny what they say and make out that they are making most, if not all, of it up.

Therefore, what they say is not going to be validated and this parent won’t empathise with them or express remorse. Due to this, it can be as though they are their parent’s enemy and are simply accusing them of something that they didn’t do.

A Replay

Moreover, this parent can talk about all of the things that they did for them and how they sacrificed themselves. From this, it will be as though they are just ungrateful and can’t accept how good they had it.

After this, they could feel frustrated, angry, hurt and let down. Still, they might not stop trying to get through to them and could continue to try to be seen and heard by them.

A Dead end

This is something that could go on for many months, if not years. They are then going to be directing their attention and this, their energy, towards someone who is not going to give them what they want to receive.

If, at this point, they were to take as step back and reflect on what is going on, they could see that how their parent is behaving is nothing new. What might stand out is that, throughout their formative years, this parent seldom if ever was able to see and hear them.

Out of Reach

Irrespective of how often this parent was physically available, they would have rarely been emotionally unavailable. Not being able to reach them now will be a continuation of how it was for them all those years ago.

In a way, it can be as if their parent has an invisible wall around them that they can’t penetrate. It is then not going to matter what they say as this parent won’t truly hear what they say and be able to see that they greatly harmed them during their formative years.

A Closer Look

What this is likely to show is that this parent lives on the surface of themselves and doesn’t have a good connection with their own feelings or reality. This is not to say that they are consciously choosing to be this way, though.

There is a strong chance that what they went through during their formative years caused them to adapt in this way. After being deeply wounded by their mother and perhaps their father, they would have been forced to lose touch with their body and lose touch with reality.

One option

If they hadn’t adapted in this way, and had stayed connected to their body and in touch with reality, it would have been too much for them to handle. They would have been overwhelmed by their own feelings and had to accept that their mother and perhaps their father couldn’t love them.

However, by losing touch with themselves and their own feelings and what was actually going on, they were able to put up with what was going on. This wouldn’t have changed what was going on but it would have stopped them from being aware of it.

The Next Stage

Without this connection to themselves and reality – something that would have played a big part in why they harmed their own child - it will be possible for them to believe anything and create any narrative that they desire. This is why they can believe that they treated them well and perhaps only remember things that back that up.

Deep down, their priority will be to do everything that they can to keep their pain out of their conscious awareness, so that they can keep it together and function. It is then not that they are doing what they can to deprive their adult child of what they want, they are doing what they can to deceive themselves; as, if they don’t do this, they are likely to fall apart.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.