Although someone can be aware of why they are doing something, they can also be completely out of touch with this reason. However, even if this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this.

Two Levels

One can have a clear idea as to why they want to do something, and this could match up with what is taking place at a deeper level. Their mind and body are then going to be working together.

At the same time, one could have clear idea in their mind as to why they are doing something, but that doesn’t mean that what is going on at this level has anything to do with what is going on in their body. Their mind will then have constructed a story that has very little, if anything, to do with their true motive/s.

The Next Step

Either way, one could end up being drawn to self-development, with this being seen as a way for them to move towards their goal/s. Now, if one is in tune with their body, they are likely to enjoy this process.

On the other hand, if one is out of touch with their true feelings, they could be more concerned with getting to the finish line, so to speak. This difference might seem inconsequential, but it can reveal a lot about someone’s true needs.

A Different Experience

When one wants to achieve something that is in alignment with their true needs, they are likely to enjoy the process. What they have to do to achieve something is not merely a means to an end; it is likely to be something that is deeply fulfilling.

This will allow one to embrace the present moment, instead of spending most of their time thinking about how good their life will be in the future. Yet, when what one wants to achieve is not in alignment with their true needs, what they do can simply be means to an end.

Two Extremes

This can then be a time in their life when they feel frustrated by what they need to do to move forward, meaning that this time in their is unlikely to be very fulfilling. The last thing they can want to do during this time is to embrace the present moment.

So, the sooner they are able to achieve their goal/s, the better their life will be. If one does achieve what they want to achieve, they may find that it doesn’t have the impact on their life that they expected it to have.

Around In Circles

One could then take a step back and look into why this is, or they could find something else to achieve. This time it might be different, but then again, it could be no different to what happened before.

What can play a part here is that a lot of self-development books and courses are all about taking action and achievement. Therefore, if one is out of touch with the real reasons as to why they want to achieve something, there is going to be no reason for them to find out.

A Closer Look

If one was to touch with what is taking place in their body, they may see what is behind their need to achieve something. The reason for this is that this is where their unmet childhood needs are going to be found.

It is not going to matter how old they are as these unmet needs still going to have a big effect on their behaviour. This is going to relate to a time in their life when they desperately needed to be heard, seen, valued, loved and affirmed, amongst other things.

A Spectrum

It could be said that there will have been moments in every adults childhood when they didn’t get their needs met. Having said that, there are going to be people who experienced a lot in pain at this time in their life.

And what may have stopped one from getting their development needs meet could have been abuse and/or neglect. One may have gradually disconnected from these unmet needs as the years went by, but they will have continued to affect their behaviour.


For example, if one was verbally abused as a child it may have caused them to feel worthless, and this can give them the desire to be extremely successful. Unconsciously, this can be seen as a way for them to receive the love and the affirmation that they didn’t receive as a child.

Alternatively, they might want to be someone who is likable and popular, with this also being a way for them to receive the love and attention they didn’t receive as a child. There are countless ways in which one can try to fulfil these needs.

The Illusion

When one is unaware of what is going on and their life is being controlled by these unmet needs, it is not going to be possible for them to see how futile this is. That is not to say that they won’t suffer through by trying to do this, as this is likely to cause them to experience a lot of pain.

Ultimately, one is not going to be able to fulfil these needs directly – that time has been and gone. Yet, if this pain was no longer within them, they would no longer have the need to fulfil these needs.


One would then be able to realise that they are already whole and complete, and they would be in touch with their inherent value. Through feeling this way, it would enable them to fulfil their true needs,

This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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