As someone is a separate individual with their own needs and feelings, they are not always going to want to do what another person wants them to do. During these moments, they will need to make this clear.

If this wasn’t the case, there would be no reason for them to say no to another person. However, although being able to say no is important, this might not be something that they feel comfortable with.

No protection

The outcome of this is that it will be normal for them to say yes when they would rather say no and end up doing things that they would rather not do. Naturally, this will have a negative effect on them.

There will be the impact it has on their mental and emotional health. It might go further than this, though, as they could often do things that have a negative impact on their body.

No Choice

If they are aware of how they often agree to do things that they don’t want to do, they could find that this just happens. It is then not that they consciously choose to behave in this way.

What might enter their might at this point is that they lose their connection to themselves and the ability to exert their will. It might then be as if someone or something ‘out there’ is controlling them.

Another Part

What they might also see is that to protect themselves, they spend a fair amount of time by themselves. By not being around others, they won’t need to worry about having to do things that they don’t want to do.

The downside of this, of course, is that this will cause them to miss out on the human contact that they need. What this comes down to is that they are an interdependent human being, who needs others.

The Key

For their life to change, they will need to feel comfortable standing their ground around another or others. Until this takes place, isolating themselves will be seen as the only way for them to make sure that they are not compelled to do something that they don’t want to do.

If they were to look back on their life, they could see that they have behaved in this way for as long as they can remember. As a result of this, they might even believe that they were born this way.

Going Deeper

But, regardless of this, there is a chance that what took place during their formative played a big part in why they are this way. This may have been a stage of their life when they were typically not treated like an individual.

Their mother and/or father might have seen them as an extension of themselves. Therefore, it wouldn’t have mattered if they wanted to do something as they generally wouldn’t have had a choice.

Walked over

If they were not powerless and totally dependent, they would have been able to stand up for themselves or to find another family. Their only option was to lose touch with a number of their own needs and feelings and to do what their mother and/or father wanted.

To deal with this, they may have spent a fair amount of time by themselves. This would have separated them from their family but it would have stopped them from being violated.


Being treated in this way and not seen as a separate individual would have deprived them of the attunement and love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. They would have been wounded and deeply deprived.

Instead of feeling safe being in their body and connected to their needs and feelings and expressing themselves, they would have been forced to disconnect from their body and their needs and feelings and not felt safe expressing themselves. How they behave as an adult is then going to be a continuation of how it was for them as a child.

A Different Experience

For them to get back in their body, reconnect to their needs and feelings and feel comfortable expressing themselves, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will play a big part in them being able to develop a felt sense of safety and worth.

Over time, doing what is right for them will feel comfortable. This will take courage, patience, and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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