Who are your principle advisors?

Now let me just say up front that I am bound to annoy your friends, parents, brothers, sisters, aunties and uncles with this short article; but what the heck. I have been bugging my own friends, parents, brother, sister, aunties and uncles for about 40 years now; so at least you could never say that I discriminate! Actually here is the lesson (before the first lesson): turn everything around (like above) so all you get, and give yourself, are compliments.

This is actually the 5th time I have started this paragraph because I can’t think of a nicer way to say what I am about to say. So I am just going to come straight out and say it. Choose to listen to and surround yourself with the people in your life that will empower you, assist you, encourage you, support you, motivate you and inspire you. And avoid the others as much as you possibly can. In fact disappear and reappear somewhere else whenever you see them coming. Now I have to make a sub note here for my family because they think I am too insensitive (I am not sure why). I am not living in another country because of you guys – I just like the tropics, the ocean, the low cost of living, looking over the rice fields in the morning, the food, the simplicity, the easy getaways, my girlfriend and the ability to do what I love from out of this base.

Putting all of the theatrics aside, I really do want to get the importance of this point across to you. You need to choose who you spend the majority of your time with. There is a basic theory I have heard which suggested that we are the average (happiness, wealth, optimism, motivation, adventurism, etc) of the 5 people we spend the most time with. So choose to spend time with those people that make you feel happy, refreshed, encouraged and motivated. And reduce the amount of time you spend with those people who are negative, critical, complaining, and pessimistic. That is my first point.

My second point is about who we choose to take our advice from. Now I love my mum dearly, but if I have a question about marketing via the internet, I would be looking in the wrong place for the answers. I also think, because we live in a completely different world due to the internet and our open access to the globe, that some generations may not actually understand how to market a business to the world in 2009. They are coming from a completely different frame of reference. So seek out someone who has more direct experience in this area. In the same way, if you want advice on how to change your emotional behaviour, seek out someone that actually has the skills to help you get the result you are after. I have had numerous personal experiences where paying for quality advice at the start of a project would have saved me countless dollars and emotion over the duration of the project.

I have also experienced many times where I end up giving contradictory advice to a client, who has been told by a good friend that what they want to do is a silly idea, or doesn’t make sense, or will never work. Or that they should stop dreaming because it could never happen. Actually most of my time with clients is spent working on helping them to unearth their buried dreams and start going for them. Because really in the end it is not about achieving your dreams that matters the most, it is the person that you have to become along the way to that dream that is most rewarding. Vincent van Gogh has this to say about dreams: “I dream my painting and paint my dream.” So don’t let others talk you out of being what you know you can be.

The final point I will make on taking advice from people is that someone that is emotionally attached to you in any way – be they family or friends – will generally give you advice from the perspective of what they think is best for you (and unfortunately what they think is best for them and their relationship with you). They may not want you to follow your dream because then you might leave them behind, or think less of them, or have less time for them, or move to another country, or change into a different (unknown) person. So to protect themselves, they tell you something that is actually in their best interests and not yours. Hmmm. Did you think of that?

One of the things that I write on my own website is that with me I have a contract with my clients to help them achieve what is best for them, not me. So when you are choosing your sage advisors, make sure of the following things:

1. Choose advisors that are energy givers, not energy takers;
2. Choose advisors that actually have the skills, knowledge and experience in the area that you are seeking advice in;
3. Choose advisors that don’t have an emotional attachment to your outcome, but want what is best for you and not them (this is the trickiest one as it can be very subtle and not so obvious when someone offers to help or advise you).

And that is all I have to say…before I offend anyone else! To all my friends, family and associates; thanks for your 100% rock solid, amazing advice over the years. ;-)

And a final word from Anthony Robbins: ‘It is the choices we make that determines our destiny’. Choose well.

Keep it real.
Carl