When The Going Gets Tough -- Becoming a Shopaholic Is Insane

When the going gets tough - when you just want to screw it all and grab any kind of pleasure you can get - whipping out the plastic to indulge on a shopping binge isn't the answer. Like a bulimic on a food binge, you'll feel worse inside, want to barf, and hate what you just bought. You'll hate yourself too.

Sustainable bliss is an inside job. There isn't a LBD (little black dress), diamond or luxury vacation that can make you feel good about who you are and your life circumstance. You know this. You've tried and tried before to feel good by shopping 'til you drop. And you're still looking for your next hit.

The emotional pain of a transition such as a divorce, death of a loved one, professional set-back or even chronic low self-esteem is often temporarily numbed by a misguided attempt to buy your way back into feeling good. Like a drug addict, you will get a momentary emotional high as your new purchase is handed to you.

Soon after, though, the buzz wears off and you feel worse than you did before. Back to the mall for another hit is the answer for some, beating themselves up emotionally is the self-inflicted punishment for others. Neither will get you to a sustainable place of inner well being.

Let's say you're experiencing some kind of a sad storm of unwanted circumstances. Your emotions are flippin' around like a live wire in a storm puddle and you want to jump out of your skin, out of your life. In that moment notice how you feel. You certainly don't feel good.

When you look at the decisions you've made, the actions you've taken, in your life that were birthed in a state of feeling bad you'll realize that those are the ones that didn't work out so well for you. Not feeling good is a signal to stop and take notice of where you are and what is really going on inside.

I call it a 'do no harm' moment. That moment can last for minutes, hours, days or even weeks. How long it lasts really depends on what you do in that initial moment of transition from crazy freaked nut case to a sanely aware woman.

The first step is to sit yourself down. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Go down to the deepest depths of your despair and get in touch with all of it. If you have to, go to a private place and yell at the walls. Sit on your pissed off pot and really stink up the place. When you're done, flush.

Or, grab any kind of a journal and write it all out. Grammar, punctuation, unreadable handwriting, and the use of obscenities are all OK. You don't need to read it when you're done. You can burn what you've written if you like.

Put a stop you your insanity.

Know this:

Events in and of themselves do not create stress, trauma or emotional despair. Its what you have these events mean for and about you that drive you to whatever is your chosen coping, pain numbing, drug of choice: compulsive shopping, excessive cosmetic surgery, mother's little helper's, food, or drama queen theatrics.

Once you have 'outed' your inner feelings take a new look at them from a distance. Without judgment of any kind notice where you've made assumptions or attached meanings. Discern what is really going on from what you're adding to the experience.

Reach for a new perspective. How else could your situation be viewed? What is the gift, the silver lining, the lesson that can be learned in the experience? Don't just try this new perspective on for size. Wear it well!

Once you're in a place of calm inner strength, tap into your authentic and innate wisdom - your Moxie - for guidance. What step can you take, what can you do or say, that will get you headed in the positive direction you want to go? Take that step. And then another.

When you do shop again, ask yourself if you are making the purchase to create an inner 'feel good' moment or because you like the utility, beauty and affordability of the sparkling goodie. Notice your energy. If its in an upset or negative state, hold back. If you're feeling good about yourself and your life go ahead and make your choice.

In that moment, you'll know what action a sane person would choose.