It is good to earnestly love someone. But to allow yourself to become overly emotionally attached can result in an unhealthy, troubling and even on occasions, an unnatural relationship. When you are deeply in love with someone, so much so that that person inadvertently takes over your entire attention, this can build up an emotional strain on you and on the relationship too.

Indications of Being Emotionally Attached:

Love has turned into an obsession.

If you find yourself completely wrapped up in thoughts of your partner all the time, this could be a sign of obsession. Obsessive love is not a healthy basis for a relationship.

You overthink too much about everything.

Are you overthinking over every interaction with your partner?

‘Is (s)he unhappy? Did (s)he not like me doing that? Is (s)he hurt? Why did (s)he not say goodbye? Maybe (s)he’ll not like me saying that. Should I say this instead of that then?’

Do these thoughts haunt you? If yes, this could be pointing towards you being emotionally attached.

Your partner affects the way you feel.

Does it happen that if your partner is happy, you are happy; and if (s)he is down, you feel miserably down? When you allow yourself to be dominated by your partner’s emotions, to the extent that you give up living for yourself and make your partner the sole priority of life, it is indicative of you being deeply attached.

Your partner is always on your mind.

Are you always talking about him / her to your friend, and even after you are done telling your friends how wonderful your partner is, (s)he is still on your mind 24/7: ‘what must (s)he be up to right now? where is (s)he? what you may do together in the evening?’

Yes? Then, this is suggestive of your over-attachment.

You feel jealous all the time.

On every occasion, do you find yourself being suspicious or jealous? i.e. You are secretly scanning through your partner’s emails and text messages, suspecting him / her if (s)he smiles at someone, and getting tensed when (s)he’s late, as weird imaginations begin to cross your mind to establish, ‘why? what? with whom?’ Such insecurity is a clear indication of your obsessive attachment.

Preoccupied with your partner’s needs and feelings.

Do you see yourself living and breathing, only to ensure that you meet every need of your partner, very promptly and spontaneously, ‘Oh! I must do this so that (s)he is happy, I will not do this because it will annoy him / her.’ Doing so, you even forget to look after your own self? And you have reached a point where you have no life of your own now? If this is so, you are already racing in the direction of being overly emotionally attached.

You give up your friends and relatives for him / her.

Nothing or no one matters to you except your partner? You’ve begun to lose touch with your friends and family? You’ve isolated yourself and sometimes expect the same from your partner too? Beware! These symptoms go to suggest your serious attachment.

These are some of the indications that show how emotionally attached you are in a relationship. Being able to connect with someone emotionally is never a bad thing. However, there is a limit within which emotional attachment is considered healthy, but beyond that it is harmful as it becomes toxic.

Today, we shall learn how to overcome the toxic attachment and replace it with love, instead:

• First of all, determine that you want to have true love, and not emotional attachment, for your partner. When attachment goes, all tension goes. You are very happy and so is your partner in a healthy relationship.

• When you have attachment, you are expecting something, material or emotional, in return from your partner. But when you truly start loving your partner, you only give, and that too LOVINGLY. You do not expect anything whatsoever in return.

• So care for your partner with all love but without clinging. Play your role out of pure and selfless love for your partner. This means in every interaction with your partner, you indulge in neither inaction nor reaction, but in real, positive action with a balanced mind.

• Enjoy the beauty of life by dwelling in the present moment, rather than remaining tensed, overthinking and overanalysing your partner’s responses and his / her behaviour patterns. This in fact creates disturbance in a smooth relationship.

• Whatever you are doing for your partner, say, you happen to miss on it someday; or say, you are not able to get the desired result from it, that you think could have pleased your partner. Now if you become sad or emotional because you missed on it or you could not give your best to your partner, it means you are attached. But if you rather say to yourself: “Well, I tried my best but I failed this time. So what? When I get an opportunity again, I will try and do even better that time.”, then you are not said to be emotionally attached.

• Instead of trying hard to please your partner, make every sincere effort from your end so as to not hurt him / her through your thoughts, speech or conduct in any way.

• Now, say suppose you are taking good care of your partner, and despite your care, (s)he has complaints with you. If you are not attached, this will not upset you. With a balanced mind, you will try to find another way to resolve his / her complaints so that (s)he becomes happy, but without you becoming unhappy in the process.

• Maintain respect and value for each other’s point of view. If at any point, there occurs a difference of opinion or conflict between the two of you, with sincere repentance in your heart, ask for forgiveness from the God residing within your partner. This will silently repair your relationship.

• Know that you genuinely love your partner, only when:

o Negativity does not arise in your mind even when your partner comes and fights with you for no good reason,

o You defend your partner when someone’s scolding him / her, inspite of your partner having had fought with you.

o After having a fight, if some third person comes to you and talks negative of your partner, you do not agree with the third party, but instead take side of your partner.

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Author's Bio: 

Ambalal M. Patel was a civil contractor by profession. In June 1958, spontaneous Self-Realization occurred within Ambalal M. Patel. From this point on, Ambalal became a Gnani Purush, and the Lord that manifest within him became known as Dada Bhagwan. A Gnani Purush is One who has realized the Self and is able help others do the same. Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan used to go from town to town and country-to-country to give satsang (spiritual discourse) and impart the knowledge of the Self, as well as knowledge of harmonious worldly interactions to everyone who came to meet him. This spiritual science, known as Akram Vignan, is the step-less path to Self-realization.