Self Improvement Site
On The Internet! Take the Self Improvement Tour
On The Internet! Take the Self Improvement Tour
Articles from Rick Hanson | Selfgrowth.com
- Leave the Red Zone - by Submitted on May 31, 2021 from Rick HansonThere I was recently, my mind darting in different directions about projects in process, frazzled about little tasks backing up, uneasy about a tax record from 2010 we couldn’t find, feeling irritated about being irritable, hurrying to get to work, body keyed up, internal sense of pressure. Not ...
Views: 123 - Be Benevolent - by Submitted on May 24, 2021 from Rick HansonBenevolence is a fancy word that means something simple: good intentions toward living beings, including oneself. This goodwill is present in warmth, friendliness, compassion, ordinary decency, fair play, kindness, altruism, generosity, and love. The benevolent heart leans toward others; it ...
Views: 112 - Make The Offering - by Submitted on May 17, 2021 from Rick HansonOne of the strangest and most meaningful experiences of my life occurred when I went through Rolfing (ten brilliant sessions of deep-tissue bodywork) in my early 20's. The fifth session works on the stomach area, and I was anticipating (= dreading) the release of buried sadness. Instead, there ...
Views: 106 - Don't Beat Yourself Up - by Submitted on May 10, 2021 from Rick HansonA previous JOT - admit fault and move on - was about our relationship with other people. This JOT applies the same practice to ourselves. Most people know their less than wonderful qualities, such as too much ambition (or too little), a weakness for wine or cookies, something of a temper, or ...
Views: 125 - Admit Fault and Move On - by Submitted on May 03, 2021 from Rick HansonHave you ever watched two people quarrel, or otherwise be stuck in a conflict with each other? Usually, if either or both of them simply acknowledged one or more things, that would end the fight. Recall a time someone mistreated you, let you down, dropped the ball, made an error, spoke ...
Views: 148 - Your Body - by Submitted on Apr 26, 2021 from Rick HansonAs a kid, I was really out of touch with my body. I hardly noticed it most of the time, and when I did, I prodded it like a mule to do a better job of hauling "me" - the head - around. This approach helped me soldier through some tough times. But there were costs. Many pleasures were numbed, ...
Views: 117 - Back to Basics - by Submitted on Apr 19, 2021 from Rick HansonIn middle school, I thought it would be cool to play a musical instrument and picked the clarinet. My wise parents rented one rather than buying it, and I started practicing. (In the garage because it sounded pretty screechy.) After a week or two of doing scales, I got bored and picked my way ...
Views: 124 - Know You're a Good Person - by Submitted on Apr 12, 2021 from Rick HansonFor many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that "I am a good person." We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically - but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah! We end up not feeling like a good person in a number of ways. For example, I once ...
Views: 148 - Feed the Wolf of Love - by Submitted on Apr 05, 2021 from Rick HansonI once heard a teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved and respected. She replied: "It's because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on which ...
Views: 150 - Drop Tart Tone - by Submitted on Mar 29, 2021 from Rick HansonTone matters. I remember times I felt frazzled or aggravated and then said something with an edge to it that just wasn't necessary or useful. Sometimes it was the words themselves: such as absolutes like "never" or always," or over-the-top phrases like "you're such a flake" or "that was ...
Views: 155 - Lower The Pressure - by Submitted on Mar 22, 2021 from Rick HansonThings come at us with so much urgency and demand these days. Phones ring, texts buzz, emails pile up, new balls have to be juggled, work days lengthen and move into evenings and weekends, traffic gets denser, financial demands feel like a knife at the neck, ads and news clamor for attention, ...
Views: 162 - See Beings, Not Bodies - by Submitted on Mar 15, 2021 from Rick HansonWhen we encounter someone, usually the mind automatically slots the person into a category: older, younger, your friend Tom, the kid next door, etc. Watch this happen in your own mind as you meet or talk with a co-worker, salesclerk, or family member. In effect, the mind summarizes and ...
Views: 166 - Step Into The Cloud - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2021 from Rick HansonI had a lightbulb moment recently: I was feeling stressed about all the stuff I had to do (you probably know the feeling). After this went on for a while, I stepped back and kind of watched my mind, and could see that I was thinking of these various tasks as things, like big rocks that were ...
Views: 170 - Love the World - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2021 from Rick HansonTo simplify and summarize, our brain has three primary motivational systems – Avoiding harms, Approaching rewards, and Attaching to “us” – that draw on many neural networks to accomplish their goals. Lately, I’ve started to realize that a fourth fundamental human motivational system could be ...
Views: 191 - Hug the monkey - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2021 from Rick HansonTo simplify a complex process spanning 600 million years, your brain developed in ways that are loosely related to three major stages of vertebrate evolution: Reptile - Brainstem, focused on avoiding harms Mammal - Subcortex, focused on approaching rewards Primate/human – Neocortex, ...
Views: 187 - Feed the Mouse - by Submitted on Feb 15, 2021 from Rick HansonTo simplify a complex process spanning 600 million years, your brain developed in ways that are loosely related to the three major stages of vertebrate evolution: Reptile – Brainstem, focused on avoiding harms Mammal – Subcortex, focused on approaching rewards Primate – Neocortex, ...
Views: 196 - Pet The Lizard - by Submitted on Feb 08, 2021 from Rick HansonI've always liked lizards. Growing up in the outskirts of Los Angeles, I played in the foothills near our home. Sometimes I'd catch a lizard and stroke its belly, so it would relax in my hands, seeming to feel at ease. In my early 20's, I found a lizard one chilly morning in the mountains. ...
Views: 199 - Give Over to Good - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2021 from Rick HansonIn every moment, you and I and everyone and everything else – from quantum foam to fleeting thoughts, intimate relationships, rainforest ecosystems, and the stars themselves – are each a kind of standing wave, like the ever-changing though persistent pattern of water rising above a boulder in a ...
Views: 181 - Empty the Cup - by Submitted on Jan 25, 2021 from Rick HansonOnce upon a time, a scholar came to visit a saint. After the scholar had been orating and propounding for a while, the saint proposed some tea. She slowly filled the scholar's cup: gradually the tea rose to the very brim and began spilling over onto the table, yet she kept pouring and pouring. ...
Views: 197 - Remember the Big Things - by Submitted on Jan 18, 2021 from Rick HansonIn every life, reminders arrive about what's really important. I’ve received some myself, as I’m sure you have, too. Perhaps it was news of a potentially serious health problem, the death of a loved one, or an accident that could have turned fatal. These are uncomfortably concrete message ...
Views: 202 - Rest - by Submitted on Jan 11, 2021 from Rick HansonThis practice is definitely a case of teaching what you need to learn: I've been working through a big bucket of tasks lately with little chance to rest. (I console myself with knowing that the bucket is emptying a lot faster than it's filling with new tasks.) Sometimes you can really feel ...
Views: 258 - Relax, You've Arrived - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2021 from Rick HansonPart of this comes from our biological nature. To survive, animals – including us – have to be goal-directed, leaning into the future. It’s certainly healthy to pursue wholesome aims, like paying the rent on time, raising children well, healing old pain, or improving education. But it’s ...
Views: 236 - See Your Part - by Submitted on Dec 28, 2020 from Rick HansonIn situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty – tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants . . . the usual crud – it’s natural to focus on what others have done that’s problematic. This could be useful for a while: it can energize you, highlight what you most care ...
Views: 218 - Drop the Case - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2020 from Rick HansonLately I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that ...
Views: 246 - Make Good Bargains - by Submitted on Dec 14, 2020 from Rick HansonLife is full of tradeoffs between benefits and costs. Sometimes, the benefits are worth the costs. For example, the rewards of going for a run - getting out in fresh air, improving health, etc. - are, for me at least, worth the costs of losing half an hour of work time while gaining a pair of ...
Views: 196 - Receive Faces - by Submitted on Dec 07, 2020 from Rick HansonAs our ancestors evolved over millions of years in small bands, continually interacting and working with each other, it was vitally important to communicate in hundreds of ways each day. They shared information about external "carrots" and "sticks," and about their internal experience (e.g., ...
Views: 220 - Hold Wants Lightly - by Submitted on Nov 30, 2020 from Rick HansonGetting caught up in wanting - wanting both to get what's pleasant and to avoid what's unpleasant - is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others. First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag - such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and ...
Views: 235 - Embrace Fragility - by Submitted on Nov 23, 2020 from Rick HansonThe truth of anything is like a mosaic with many tiles, many parts. One part of the truth of things is that they are robust and enduring, whether it's El Capitan in Yosemite or the love of a child for her mother and father. Another part of the truth is that things bruise, tear, erode, ...
Views: 234 - Try Being Less Serious - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2020 from Rick HansonOn the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and ...
Views: 271 - See Progress - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2020 from Rick HansonThere are always things that are getting worse. For example, over the past year, you probably know someone who has become unemployed or ill or both, and there’s more carbon in the atmosphere inexorably heating up the planet. But if you don’t recognize what’s improving in your own life, then ...
Views: 247 - Trust in love - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2020 from Rick HansonTake a breath right now, and notice how abundant the air is, full of life-giving oxygen offered freely by trees and other green growing things. You can't see air, but it's always available for you. Love is a lot like the air. It may be hard to see - but it's in you and all around you. In ...
Views: 242 - Don't Rain on the Parade - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2020 from Rick HansonLet's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, or thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. ...
Views: 219 - Receive Generosity - by Submitted on Oct 19, 2020 from Rick HansonLife gives to each one of us in so many ways. For starters, there’s the bounty of the senses – including chocolate chip cookies, jasmine, sunsets, wind singing through pine trees, and just getting your back scratched. What does life give you? Consider the kindness of friends and family, ...
Views: 246 - Speak Wisely - by Submitted on Oct 12, 2020 from Rick Hanson"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ...
Views: 215 - Minimize Painful Experiences - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2020 from Rick HansonPainful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time. But is there really any shortage of ...
Views: 203 - Don't Be Intimidated - by Submitted on Sep 28, 2020 from Rick HansonHumans evolved to be fearful since anxiety helped keep our ancestors alive. Consequently, we are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.” This vulnerability to feeling threatened has effects at many levels, ranging from ...
Views: 252 - Don't Quarrel - by Submitted on Sep 21, 2020 from Rick HansonIt's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught ...
Views: 260 - Forgive - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2020 from Rick HansonForgiveness is a tricky topic. First, it has two distinct meanings: To give up resentment or anger To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let ...
Views: 322 - Say Thanks - by Submitted on Sep 08, 2020 from Rick HansonWhat do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, an encouraging word. You probably feel seen, appreciated, that you matter to the other person. Maybe a little startled, maybe wondering if you really deserve it, but ...
Views: 279 - Speak Truly - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2020 from Rick HansonIt's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body. In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health - and certainly for the health of your ...
Views: 252 - Relax, You're Going to be Criticized - by Submitted on Aug 24, 2020 from Rick HansonThe title of this practice is a little tongue-in-cheek. What I mean is, most of us - me included - spend time worrying about criticism: past, present, and even future. Yes, try hard, keep agreements, "don't be evil," etc. But sooner or later - usually sooner - someone is going to point out the ...
Views: 255 - Keep Your Eyes on the Prize - by Submitted on Aug 17, 2020 from Rick HansonHave you heard this saying? The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right this minute? The most important things often get pushed to the sidelines. ...
Views: 280 - Give No One Cause To Fear - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2020 from Rick HansonWe evolved to be afraid. The ancient ancestors that were casual and blithely hopeful, underestimating the risks around them - predators, loss of food, aggression from others of their kind - did not pass on their genes. But the ones that were nervous were very successful - and we are their ...
Views: 294 - Put No One Out of Your Heart - by Submitted on Aug 03, 2020 from Rick HansonWe all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who has you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right ...
Views: 291 - Try a Softer Tone - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2020 from Rick HansonLinguists like Deborah Tannen have pointed out that most communications have three elements: Explicit content – “There is no milk in the refrigerator.” Emotional subtext – Could be irritation, blame, accusation Implicit statement about the nature of the relationship – Could be one ...
Views: 265 - See the Good in Others - by Submitted on Jul 20, 2020 from Rick HansonMany interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's ...
Views: 260 - Ask Questions - by Submitted on Jul 13, 2020 from Rick HansonMy dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking out loud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ...
Views: 250 - Stay Right When You're Wronged - by Submitted on Jul 06, 2020 from Rick HansonIt’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly. (Much of what I say here applies to concerns about injustice or mistreatment that threatens or happens to others, from someone bullying a child to an oppressive government, but I will focus on ...
Views: 249 - Feel Cared About - by Submitted on Jun 29, 2020 from Rick HansonEveryone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected, and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy. On the other hand, you’ve probably had the sense, one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn’t ...
Views: 337 - Speak From The Heart - by Submitted on Jun 22, 2020 from Rick HansonOne Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated a million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado river. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually ...
Views: 278