Self Improvement Site
On The Internet! Take the Self Improvement Tour
On The Internet! Take the Self Improvement Tour
Articles from Sam Vaknin | Selfgrowth.com
- When the Narcissist and Codependent Reverse Their Roles - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninSometimes, the breakup is initiated by the long-suffering spouse or intimate partner of the narcissist or psychopath. As she develops and matures, gaining in self-confidence and a modicum of self-esteem (ironically, at the narcissist’s behest in his capacity as her “guru” and “father figure”), ...
Views: 18015(2 votes) - Countering Abandonment and Separation Anxiety - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninClinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the ...
Views: 3252(1 vote) - The Dynamics of Modern Marriages - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninUntil recently, couples formed around promises of emotional exclusivity and sexual fidelity, uniqueness in each other’s mind and life, and (more common until the 1940s) virginity. Marriage was also a partnership: economic, or related to childrearing, or companionship. It was based on the ...
Views: 1698(1 vote) - "I am Terrified that S/he will Abandon Me! I will Do Anything to Avoid It!" - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninClinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the ...
Views: 2011(2 votes) - Romantic Jealousy - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninPathological envy is not the same as romantic jealousy. These two emotions have little to do with each other. Romantic jealousy is the product of a violation of trust; a breach of romantic exclusivity of intimacy; and a denial of possession. It also involves damage to the self-esteem and ...
Views: 1806(1 vote) - Sex - Or Gender? Children of Same-sex Couples - by Submitted on Jul 02, 2013 from Sam Vaknin"One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman." Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949) With same-sex marriage becoming a legal reality throughout the world, many more children are going to be raised by homosexual (gay and lesbian) parents, or even bytransgendered or transsexual ones. ...
Views: 1588 - Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the DSM V - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninThe DSM V re-defines personality disorders thus: at "The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits." According to the June 2011 text of the DSM V, the following ...
Views: 7271(1 vote) - The Demise of Empathy in Business and the Workplace - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninEmpathy is at the foundation of both altruism and collaboration. Thus, while it does consume scarce resources, empathy confers important evolutionary advantages both from the individual’s point of view (cooperation) and from the species’s (altruism.) Yet, we are witnessing a marked ...
Views: 2529 - The Demise of Empathy at Home and in the Family and the Role of Technology - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninEmpathy is on a precipitous decline in the family and home environments. Technology is partly to blame, but so are other social and economic trends. On June 9, 2005 the BBC reported about an unusual project underway in Sheffield (in the United Kingdom). The daily movements and ...
Views: 2138 - Bodily Effects of Torture and Abuse - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninThere is one place in which one's privacy, intimacy, integrity and inviolability are guaranteed – one's body, a unique temple and a familiar territory of sensa and personal history. The torturer invades, defiles and desecrates this shrine. He does so publicly, deliberately, repeatedly and, ...
Views: 2613(1 vote) - Cold Empathy and Warm Empathy - by Submitted on Jun 14, 2012 from Sam VakninEmpathy is comprised of two components: I. Cold Empathy: an intersubjective agreement as to the mental content (especially emotions) of two or more human subjects; II. Warm Empathy: the emotional response to Cold Empathy. Cold Empathy is an act of taxonomy and an attempt to overcome the ...
Views: 4656(1 vote) - “Parasite singles”, “boomerang kids”, and “accordion families” - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam Vaknin"One man cannot be a warrior on a battlefield." (Russian proverb) The Japanese call them “parasite singles”, the Americans “boomerang kids”. Sociologists refer to the “accordion family”: it expands and then contracts as children return to what should have been an “empty nest.” With an anemic ...
Views: 2723 - I am Afraid to Date Again. I am Considering Online Dating instead of the Real Thing. - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninThere is a delicate balance to be maintained between the need to process the trauma of divorce (to recuperate, heal, and recover) and the need to maintain the interpersonal skills essential to dating and, later, to bonding and pair-formation (pairing). The main problem may be the temporary ...
Views: 2283 - A Good Mother Loves Her Children Unconditionally, No Matter What. - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninBut what about narcissistic or psychopathic children, children suffering from conduct disorder, or oppositional defiant disorder)? Donovan, 16 years old, is incapable of loving and, therefore, has never loved you, his mother (or, for that matter, anyone else, himself included) in his entire ...
Views: 3042 - Narcissistic Supply and Sex - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninThe psychosexuality of all types of narcissists – cerebral and somatic alike – involves the objectification and interchangeability of intimate partners. Narcissists are polyamorous and autoerotic. Quite a few of them have comorbid sexual paraphilias (are deviant.) The cerebral narcissist aims ...
Views: 11039 - “It's All My Fault for Having Provoked Him” - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2012 from Sam VakninHow often have you heard the following phrases coupled with the most horrific physical, verbal, and psychological abuse: "It's all your fault, you made me do it" or "look what you made me do!" Abusers have alloplastic defenses and an external locus of control. This means that they tend to ...
Views: 2940(1 vote) - “I Attract Abusers Like a Magnet” - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2012 from Sam VakninMany victims of narcissists are firmly convinced that they have been "chosen" by their abusers because of their capacity to empathize, their innate sensitivity, compassion, and their ability to love and care. Indeed, these qualities tend to attract exploitative psychopathic predators who ...
Views: 5348(1 vote) - "I Fear the Holidays: It is the Worst Time of the Year!" - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2012 from Sam VakninThe holidays season should be a time of family get-togethers, love shared, and relatives and friends brought up to date. Holidays are supposed to be the reification of that contradiction in terms: mass or group intimacy. Instead, for victims of family violence and abuse, the holidays are ...
Views: 2652(2 votes) - "I Can Achieve and Do Anything If I Only Put My Mind to It" - by Submitted on Jan 29, 2012 from Sam VakninFrom an early age we are taught (at least in the USA) that there is no limit to what we can achieve; that if we wish to accomplish something all we need to do is set ourselves goals and then apply ourselves to their attainment. With time and dedication, we are told, positive outcomes are ...
Views: 1384(2 votes) - Abuse Victim's New Year Resolutions - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2012 from Sam VakninNew year resolutions are notoriously fragile and ephemeral. But victims of abuse cannot afford this cavalier attitude: their mental - and too often physical - health depends on strictly observing the following promises to themselves: 1. I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from ...
Views: 2370(1 vote) - Loving Gaze, Adulating Gaze: False vs. True Self - by Submitted on Jan 19, 2012 from Sam VakninIn the film “The Beaver”, the character played by Mel Gibson suffers from depression. He latches on to a tattered puppet in the shape of a beaver and communicates exclusively through it. The Beaver is everything its ostensible master isn’t: daring, creative, exuberant, omnipotent, and ...
Views: 1614 - Narcissist's Reactions to Deficient, Fake, Negative, Low-grade, or Static Narcissistic Supply - by Submitted on Sep 18, 2011 from Sam VakninThe narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, in short: indifference. This front is penetrated in times of great crises that threaten the narcissist's ability to obtain Narcissistic Supply, or when ...
Views: 5975(1 vote) - The Insanity of the Insanity Defense - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2011 from Sam VakninAron Levy, who kidnapped, murdered and dismembered 8-year old Leiby Kletzky in Brooklyn now faces a battery of defense-appointed experts in an attempt to plead NGRI (“Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity”). He has a history of “psychiatric disorders” and had been hearing voices, his lawyers claim. ...
Views: 1192 - I Can't Live Without Him/Her - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2011 from Sam VakninDependence on other people is a kind of addiction and, therefore, fulfills important mental health functions. First, it is an organizing principle: it serves to explain behaviors and events within a coherent “narrative” (fictional story) or frame of reference (“I acted this way because ...
Views: 1157 - Psychopathic Narcissists: The Uncanny Valley of Cold Empathy - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Sam VakninCold Empathy evokes the concept of “Uncanny Valley”, coined in 1970 by the Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori. Mori suggested that people react positively to androids (humanlike robots) for as long as they differ from real humans in meaningful and discernible ways. But the minute these ...
Views: 2271 - Narcissists and Hotel Maids: The Strauss-Kahn Affair and Beyond - by Submitted on Aug 01, 2011 from Sam VakninDominique Staruss-Kahn, the scandal-ridden former head of the International Monetary Fund (IMF) is entitled to the presumption of innocence until proven guilty. But, if he did try to rape the hotel maid in New-York in May 2011, his behavior would conform to the type of misconduct common among ...
Views: 1167(1 vote) - Dancing as an Evolutionary Strategy - by Submitted on Aug 01, 2011 from Sam VakninDances are thinly disguised simulations of sex acts. But there’s more to dancing than bawdy ribaldry. The sweaty proximity allows the partners to exchange an enormous amount of information about their respective bodies: from joint suppleness, through spatial orientation and coordination, and ...
Views: 1007 - The Aging Narcissist - by Submitted on Mar 14, 2011 from Sam VakninInterview granted to Harmony (India) The first thing that occurs to me when thinking of aging is a gradual change in one’s physical structure that is apparent to others, and to oneself of course. Now what precisely do we mean by aging, or getting old or older, in terms of the mind or psyche? ...
Views: 7757 - The Psychology of Spree Shooters - by Submitted on Dec 02, 2010 from Sam VakninMost spree shooters are loners. They are either schizoid (with deficient interpersonal skills) or paranoid and even paranoid-schizophrenic (psychotic, delusional). Their dysfunction is all-pervasive: their family life, career, romantic relationships, professional and material accomplishments are ...
Views: 1880 - A Classification of Lies and Confabulations - by Submitted on Dec 02, 2010 from Sam VakninA statement constitutes a lie only if at least one of the interlocutors knows it to be untrue, yet insists or assumes that it is true. If all the parties involved in the exchange know that the statement is false or if none of them know whether it is false or true, then it is fiction or an act of ...
Views: 2528 - Cyber-celebrity vs. "Real" World Fame - by Submitted on May 20, 2010 from Sam VakninI know at least ten people whose personal Websites attract as many unique visitors a year as the number of copies sold of Dan Brown’s books. Yet, Dan Brown is a global celebrity and they remain largely anonymous. Why is that? Fame is defined as the number of people who have heard about you. If ...
Views: 2639(1 vote) - The Body as a Torture Chamber - by Submitted on May 28, 2010 from Sam VakninThere is one place in which one's privacy, intimacy, integrity and inviolability are guaranteed: one's body, a unique temple and a familiar territory of sensa and personal history. The process of chronic disease invades, defiles and desecrates this shrine. It does so publicly, enhancing the ...
Views: 2892(1 vote) - Schizotypal Personality Disorder - by Submitted on May 03, 2007 from Sam VakninDo you believe in UFOs and alien abductions? You may be suffering from the Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Do you believe in the immaculate conception of the Virgin Mary and in the resurrection of her son? Then you are merely a religious person. In other words, it is OK to believe in certain ...
Views: 1850 - Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Apr 30, 2007 from Sam VakninThere is great confusion regarding the terms co-dependent, counter-dependent, and dependent. Before we proceed to study the Dependent Personality Disorder in our next article, we would do well to clarify these terms. Codependents Like dependents (people with the Dependent Personality ...
Views: 1456 - Psychological Defense Mechanisms - by Submitted on Apr 29, 2007 from Sam VakninAccording to Freud and his followers, our psyche is a battlefield between instinctual urges and drives (the id), the constraints imposed by reality on the gratification of these impulses (the ego), and the norms of society (the superego). This constant infighting generates what Freud called ...
Views: 2352 - Schizoid Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Apr 25, 2007 from Sam VakninSchizoids enjoy nothing and seemingly never experience pleasure (they are anhedonic). Even their nearest and dearest often describe them as "automata", "robots", or "machines". But the schizoid is not depressed or dysphoric, merely indifferent. Schizoids are uninterested in social relationships ...
Views: 3350 - Borderline Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Apr 24, 2007 from Sam VakninThe fact that the Borderline personality disorder is often found among women makes it a controversial mental health diagnosis. Some scholars say that it is a culture-bound pseudo-syndrome invented by men to serve a patriarchal and misogynistic society. Others point to the fact the lives of ...
Views: 2584 - Histrionic Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Apr 23, 2007 from Sam VakninMost patients with the Histrionic Personality Disorder are women. This immediately raises the question: Is this a real mental health disorder or a culture-bound syndrome which reflects the values of a patriarchal and misogynistic society? A man with similar traits is bound to be admired as a ...
Views: 3392 - Narcissist vs. Psychopath - by Submitted on Apr 20, 2007 from Sam VakninWe all heard the terms "psychopath" or "sociopath". These are the old names for a patient with the Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD). It is hard to distinguish narcissists from psychopaths. The latter may simply be a less inhibited and less grandiose form of the former. Indeed, the DSM V ...
Views: 2050 - Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Clinical Features - by Submitted on Apr 18, 2007 from Sam VakninClinical Features of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder Opinions vary as to whether the narcissistic traits evident in in infancy, childhood, and early adolescence are pathological. Anecdotal evidence suggests that childhood abuse and trauma inflicted by parents, authority figures, or even ...
Views: 1204 - Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Prevalence and Comorbidity - by Submitted on Apr 17, 2007 from Sam VakninWhat is the Difference between Healthy Narcissism and the Pathological Kind? In my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", I define pathological narcissism as: "(A) life-long pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of ...
Views: 1852 - Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Diagnostic Criteria - by Submitted on Apr 16, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not a new psychological construct. In previous centuries it was called "egotism" or "megalomania". It is an extreme form of pathological narcissism. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is one of the four personality disorders in Cluster B ...
Views: 1634 - Thematic Appreciation Test (TAT) - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Thematic Appreciation Test (TAT) is similar to the Rorschach inkblot test. Subjects are shown pictures and asked to tell a story based on what they see. Both these projective assessment tools elicit important information about underlying psychological fears and needs. The TAT was developed ...
Views: 4750 - Rorschach Inkblots Test - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Swiss psychiatrist Hermann Rorschach developed a set of inkblots to test subjects in his clinical research. In a 1942 monograph, Rorschach postulated that the blots evoke consistent and similar responses in groups patients. Only ten of the original inkblots are currently in diagnostic use. ...
Views: 2429 - Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory (MCMI-III) - by Submitted on Apr 08, 2007 from Sam VakninThe third edition of this popular test, the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory (MCMI-III), has been published in 1996. With 175 items, it is much shorter and simpler to administer and to interpret than the MMPI-II. The MCMI-III diagnoses personality disorders and Axis I disorders but not other ...
Views: 13251 - Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI-II) - by Submitted on Apr 07, 2007 from Sam VakninThe MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory), composed by Hathaway (a psychologist) and McKinley (a physician) is the outcome of decades of research into personality disorders. The revised version, the MMPI-II (also known as MMPI-2), was published in 1989 but was received cautiously. ...
Views: 4295 - Psychological Tests - Introduction - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2007 from Sam VakninPersonality assessment is perhaps more an art form than a science. In an attempt to render it as objective and standardized as possible, generations of clinicians came up with psychological tests and structured interviews. These are administered under similar conditions and use identical stimuli ...
Views: 1334 - Differential Diagnoses of Personality Disorders - by Submitted on Apr 05, 2007 from Sam VakninIt is not easy to tell when the patient's anxiety and depression are autonomous and neurotic problems or symptoms of a personality disorder. These should, therefore, be ruled out as differential diagnostic criteria. In other words, the mere existence of depression or anxiety in a patient does ...
Views: 919 - The History of Personality Disorders - by Submitted on Apr 04, 2007 from Sam VakninWell into the eighteenth century, the only types of mental illness - then collectively known as "delirium" or "mania" - were depression (melancholy), psychoses, and delusions. At the beginning of the nineteenth century, the French psychiatrist Pinel coined the phrase "manie sans delire" ...
Views: 1465 - Narcissism and Personality Disorders - by Submitted on Apr 02, 2007 from Sam VakninAre all personality disorders the outcomes of frustrated narcissism? During our formative years (6 months to 6 years old), we are all "narcissists". Primary Narcissism is a useful and critically important defense mechanism. As the infant separates from his mother and becomes an individual, it is ...
Views: 1458