One thing that someone may find is that even though they want to achieve something, it doesn’t mean that they have been able to make any progress. It could seem as though what they want to achieve is out of their reach.

Perhaps they have been trying to achieve something for months or maybe this has been going on for many years. Either way, experiencing life in this way is likely to be incredibly frustrating.

For Example

One may have the desire to have a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable and/or they might want to move forward in their career. Being stuck when it comes to one area of their life will be enough, let alone being stuck in two areas.

There may even be many other areas of their life that are not working; in this case, their whole life will have come to a standstill. They will then have the need to change their whole life, but this won’t have been possible so far.

External Feedback

If one was to open up to a friend about what is going on for them, they may end up being told that that they need to work on their self-esteem. The reason why they haven’t been able to move forward will be due to the fact that they don’t value themselves.

Therefore, once they start to increase their self-esteem, they will gradually be able to move forward. One could accept this, believing that this is what they need to work on to be able to change their life.

Going Up

What one could then do is to look into what they need to do to increase their self-esteem. This could be a time when they will use affirmations and focus on their good traits, among other things.

After using these for a little while, one may find that they start to feel better about themselves. At the same time, one may find that even though they feel better about themselves, their life still doesn’t change.

Going Down

If this was to take place, it is not going to be much of a surprise if one ends up seeing themselves as a victim. They will have done the right thing by increasing their self-esteem and yet, their life will be no different.

If one saw themselves as a victim before they took this route, they could go even further into this experience. Still, feeling helpless, hopeless and powerless, for instance, is going to be normal if one believes that they have no control over their life.

Beyond The Story

One could end up opening up to another friend about what they are going through and this friend could come out with something very different. They could say that another part of their being might not want their life.

They could make it clear that while there is one physical part of them, there is more than one part of them when it comes to their inner self. One is then going to be aware of the part that wants to move forward, but they won’t be aware of the part that doesn’t.


Upon hearing this, one could end up dismissing what their friend has come out with. One might believe that this friend doesn’t know what they are talking about; if anything, they are delusional.

Then again, one may find that they can relate to what their friend has said, with them being aware of another part of them that doesn’t want to move forward. This part of them can then be what is stopping them from transforming their life.

A Deeper Look

If they were to surrender to this part of them and to get in touch with how they feel, they may find that they no longer feel like an adult. It could be as if they have regressed to an earlier stage of their life.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that they are in touch with their inner child. Many, many years may have passed since they were a small child, but the small child that they once were will live within them.

A Different Experience

To the adult part of them, moving forward will be seen as something positive, but to the child part of them, moving forward will be seen as something negative. The child part of them could believe that their life would end up if anything was to change.

What this could illustrate is that one’s early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Not only would this have traumatised them, it would have also stopped them from being able to develop a sense of safety and trust.

One Need

Experiencing life in the same way is going to cause their adult self to suffer, but it will be what feels safe to their child self. The former will do what it can to change their life, while the latter will do what it can to keep it the same.

And what will be perfectly clear to them at this point, is that their child self has far more control than their adult self. Their child self will need to be on board with the changes that their adult self wants to make.


The child part of them will most likely have a lot to say and it can carry a lot of pain that needs to be cried out. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Someone like this will hold the space so that one can go where they wouldn’t go by themselves. The truth is that the child part of them is not their enemy; it simply needs to be understood and gradually integrated into the rest of their being.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.