Self-Assertion: Can Childhood Trauma Stop Someone From Being Able To Assert Themselves?

What someone may find, that’s if they were to take a step back and to reflect on their life, is that they find it hard to assert themselves. This won’t just relate to standing their ground and saying no, though; the usual things that are associated with this expression.

No, it will relate to their ability to express themselves and to live their own life. As a result of this, how they behave is rarely going to match up with who they are and their life is not going to be in alignment with them either.

Point of Focus

In general, then, they will be focused on other people needs and doing what they can to please them. This is unlikely to be something that they consciously choose to do; it will probably take naturally take place.

When this takes place, their own needs will be cast aside and this will stop them from being able to meet them. But, although they will be ignoring themselves, they could typically create the impression that everything is fine.

The Fallout

As soon as they are by themselves, they could end up being filled with anger and even rage. If this takes place, it will show that they only feel comfortable embracing how they feel when they are in their own company.

Therefore, acknowledging how they really feel around others is not going to feel comfortable, which is why they have to hide themselves. There could also be times when they take something or do something that will allow them to avoid how they feel.

Two Sides

With this in mind, there will be what they are like around others and what they are like when they are by themselves. Undoubtedly, everyone will be different in their own company, but there is being different and there is becoming someone else entirely.

The person who one becomes around others won’t be influenced by their own needs and feelings; it will be the result of their need to be accepted. Who they are, won’t see the light of day.

A Frustrating Existence

Now, it could be said that everyone will have moments where their needs are not met - this is just part of life. Accepting that this is so can make it easier for someone to handle these moments and to experience a greater level of appreciation when their needs are met.

One won’t be used to having their needs met, and this will cause them to experience a lot of pain. If this pain is not acknowledged, however, it can cause them to spend a lot of time feeling depressed.

Totally Disempowered

There will be a lot of pain inside them and their life won’t match up with who they are, so it is to be expected that they would often be in a bad way. Ultimately, they are not powerless and they can change their life, yet a number of things will need to change in order for them to realise this at the core of their being.

The fact that they have been able to take a step back will show that part of them believes that there is another way to experience life. They may have experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, but to this part of them, that won’t mean that this is the only way to experience life.

Their True Essence

This part of them will know that they are not here to live somebody else’s life or to act as though they are an extension of others. It will know that they have their own life to lead and that the only way that they will experience true fulfilment is if they are able to express who they are.

If this is the case, why is it that one doesn’t feel comfortable enough to assert or to express who they are on a regular basis? Surely, this is what should feel comfortable, not doing what they can to please others?

Many Years Ago

What this is likely to illustrate is that their early years were a time when it wasn’t acceptable for them to express their true-self. If ever they expressed a need, they may have typically been disapproved of, scolded or harmed.

Therefore, right from the beginning of their life, a time when two of their greatest needs were to be accepted and approved of, it would have been clear that it wasn’t safe for them to express themselves. And, as their need to survive was their main priority and they were powerless and totally dependent on their caregivers, they would have had to lose touch with their true essence.

A Traumatic Time

Their true self would have gone into hiding and they would have developed a false-self that allowed them to handle what was going on. This would have meant that they wouldn’t have been aware of what was going on internally and externally; their attention would have been solely focused on their external world.

Being focused on the external world and pleasing others will have served them as a child but, now that they are an adult, it will cause them to suffer unnecessarily. What took place during this time may have also caused them to lose touch with their fight instinct/aggression, with this being the part of them that will provide them with the energy and the desire to assert themselves.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
​
There will be the beliefs that they need to change and the trauma that they need to work through.