In 1989 I worked at being good at what I did, which at that time was computer programming. I had my moments, but fear of failure was always paramount in my heart. I never felt free of criticism, free from my inabilities, mistakes, self-criticism, my stuff. It was enough to drive me nuts! And almost did until I discovered one small secret that helped make life more tolerable.
If the truth were known, no one is ever truly free unless they choose to be, and that truth, that reality, is hard to face. I would always say “why leave it up to me, why not have the laws of physics, of natural selection take over and run my life as they see fit, why put the responsibility on me? Well it doesn’t work that way. If you want something a certain way it’s up to you to make it so. Arrrgh, no, no, that’s not easy, it’s not fair. Now we’re getting to the crux of the problem, I’ve never wanted to take responsibility for my life, my actions, or my failures. It has always been someone or something else’s fault. That’s it, I know it, I’m sure of it, poor me. Well dream on McDuff, life isn’t like that; never was, never will be, so forget that bit of trivia right now. You’re just sniffing glue if you think the Success Fairy will come to your rescue. Not going to happen. I worked until I retired in 1998 at the ripe old age of 59, moved to Maine and restored an old Victorian house, (which took 9 years); got tired of shoveling snow and the state of Maine taxing me to death and left for the southern exposure of South Carolina, a land of milk and honey for retired people. In the last few years I had a nose job to cure sleep apnea, a stoke to remind me of the frailty of man, and two heart jobs to stop atrial fibrillation, so my heart would beat in sinus rhythm, the best way for it to beat.
In all this time, the one thing I’ve managed to do, is follow my passion; continue no matter if I had to do rehab exercises, no matter if I lost my will to live, no matter what. Gads! That sounds pretty noble, William the Conqueror and all that stuff, and you’re probably wondering what this great passion is, well, it’s writing. The secret you’ve been waiting for, the truth I’ve discovered, is that “things have a way of working out if you give it your best shot. Actually, most problems have an acceptable resolution, and all the worries and fears will be for nothing. Too simple you say, maybe, but it works for me and that is how I cope – with the knowledge that things have a way of working out and all my fears are for nothing after all.

Author's Bio: 

My name is Will Aebi and I was born in 1938 in Milwaukee Wisconsin. At the age of five I was listening to the shadow, the lone ranger, and the news about WWII. In 1943 the street warden came by every night to check if any light was coming out of our windows. My dad work in a bomb factory six days a week. I loved meatloaf and mashed potatoes. WWII ended and I grew up none the worst for wear. Writing is and always has been a way to live in worlds I could never have entered and for that I am thankful.