Mother-Enmeshed Men: Why Would A Mother-Enmeshed Man Believe That He Is Betraying His Ex If He Moves On?

​Now that a man is no longer in a relationship, he will be free to meet other women and take things further. However, although this will be so, it doesn’t mean that he will allow himself to do this.

In general, he could keep his distance from women and not go anywhere where he is likely to meet a woman. This is not to say that he won’t ever come into contact with women or talk to them but this could be about it.

Hidden

This could be something that he is consciously aware of, or it could be something that is outside of his couscous awareness. If he is not consciously aware of this, there will be no reason for him to change his behaviour.

Consequently, days, weeks and months will pass and he will be missing out. One way of looking at this would be to say that this is a normal part of going through a breakup and that, after a while, his behaviour will change.

One Side

Naturally, if he was with his ex for a while and/or had developed a close emotional bond with her, it is to be expected that he wouldn’t just want to go with another woman. Deep down, he will want to give himself time to integrate what he went through and to settle down.

How long this will take can depend on a variety of different factors. It could take weeks, months or even longer but he is likely to know when that time is and gradually move on.

Another Side

Nonetheless, although he can be taking his time, there could be another element that is playing a big part in why he is unable to move on. Deep down, he can believe that he will be betraying his ex if he goes with another woman.

He is then going to be single but if he goes with another woman, he will feel as though he is cheating on his ex. Therefore, he is going to be depriving himself by behaving in this way, but it will be a way for him to avoid feeling anxious and guilty.

A Strange Scenario

Based on what is going on for him, it will be as if he is not separate from his ex. So, even though their time together has come to an end, the attachment that he has to her will prevent him from being able to freely express himself.

If he was to move on and go with another woman, then, he would be doing something wrong. In reality, his ex may have been with at least one other man and could even be in another relationship.

Totally Irrational

Assuming that this is true, there will be no reason for him to hold himself back as he won’t be doing anything wrong. But, even if his ex hasn’t moved on, he is, like his ex, a separate being who has the right to do what is right for him.

At this point, it would be easy to say that he is unable to move on due to the baggage that he has with his ex. Yet, as he is unable to see that he is separate from his ex and believes that he would be betraying her if he moves on, there is likely to be far more to it.

A Closer Look

There is a chance that he is unconsciously projecting his mother into his ex and this is why he is unable to see her or himself clearly. When he was a boy, he would have seen himself as an extension of his mother.

Still, this is a stage that he should have grown out of, with him gradually developing a strong sense of self and the ability to freely express himself. But, as listening to his needs and freely expressing himself in this area of his life, and perhaps other areas, doesn’t feel comfortable, it is likely to show that he was deprived at this stage of his life.

A Deeper Look

Throughout this his formative years, he may have been forced to lose touch with a number of his needs and to adapt to his mother. She might have been in a developmentally stunted state and unable to see him as a separate being who had his own needs and feelings.

Thus, not only will he have missed out on the love that the needed to grow and develop in the right way, but he would have continued to see himself as an extension of his mother and come to believe that his needs were bad. As he formed an emotional bond with another woman and this bond has now come to an end, what he needs to resolve in relation to his mother will have been brought to the surface, so to speak.

The Truth

Ultimately, his needs are not bad and he is here to freely express himself. If he had had a mother who was able to love him and provide him with what he needed when he was younger, this is something that he would know.

As this didn’t happen, what should feel comfortable is what feels uncomfortable. Not receiving the attunement and support that he needed early on will have caused him to experience a lot of pain and this pain will need to be faced and worked through.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.