O Is For Ownership

I am not talking about crass materialism or consumerism, nor am I talking about better living through greed.

Rather, I am talking about a psychological stance that you take toward your “own” life. “Own”, used as a transitive verb means to have or hold a property or to have power or mastery over. It is that latter sense in which I am using the word.

When you were a baby, your parents may have felt that they “owned” you. After all, they bred and bore you or, if you were adopted, they chose you. That gave them a very proper sense of responsibility toward you. It may also have given them a sense of power or mastery over you.

Let's face it, your parents undoubtedly loved you very much (if you were lucky), but they tried to train you so that they could raise you with the least amount of fuss and bother. They naturally wanted you to learn early on to sleep through the night. Later, they wanted you to be well-behaved so that the neighbors or your grandparents wouldn't criticize their child-raising skills.

Your parents had aspirations for you. They may have wanted you to achieve a level of success that they had not may achieved. Or, if they had been very successful in a given field, they probably saw no reason why you should not be as successful or more so in that same field. After all, in your choice of careers, as in your everday lives, your parents had marked the trail, set the example and they expected you to turn out pretty much the way they did.

In fact, chances are that they raised you the way they themselves were raised and the way their parents were raised. But in doing so, they may have told you things that were hurtful or harmful. Things like, “You're a bad boy!” “Good girls do what they're told and don't argue.” “You're more trouble than your worth!” “If you don't settle down and apply yourself, you'll never amount to anything.” “The best you can hope for is to get married and have a family.” “Big boys don't cry!” “Little girls don't play with trucks and cars.” “No! You can't have _______! Do you think money grows on trees?” “After all we've done for you, this is the way you repay us? You little ingrate!”

Your parents may have threatened you with the boogey-man, told you that Santa Claus wouldn't bring any presents to bad little boys and girls, or reminded you that lying is a sin and God doesn't love little boys or girls who sin. They may not have said so in so many words, but they may have inculcated in you negative ideas like money is scarce, being overweight is in your genes and there just nothing you can do about it, or that some people are just better than others.

Up until the time you were about six years old, you just soaked up everything anyone told you like a sponge. You were small and weak, virtually defenseless. And your parents, your grandparents, your family and friends meant well, didn't they? They had your own best interests at heart, didn't they?

That may or may not have been true but the point is the things that you learned way back when may be haunting you now. You may not even be aware of it because those things are buried in your subconscious. But they may be what is making you feel bad about yourself. They may be what is keeping you from being successful or happy or healthy.

It doesn't have to be that way. You can “own” your own life. You can establish your own identity and pursue your own dreams. You can be who you were meant to be, not who or what someone else told you that you are. In order to do that, though, you may need to “take out the trash”.

Taking out the trash means that you listen to the self-talk – all the negative things that you think or say about yourself. Most often, if you listen carefully, you will realize that this “self-talk” is not in your voice anyway, but in the voice of your mother or your father or some other person who felt that they had the right to criticize you.

Listen to it. Write it down. Then write the truth. For instance, “Little girls don't play with trucks” might be countered with “I'm going to get my commercial license and drive a big rig across country. I'm just as capable of doing it as any man!” “If you don't apply yourself, you're never going to amount to anything” could be the lie. “I have a vivid imagination, I'm going to be a successful writer or movie producer” could be the truth.

Whatever your truth, your life is your own. Claim it. Take ownership of it.