Mother Wounds: Can A Man Be Disconnected From Himself If He Had An Unavailable Mother?

In general, a man can be out of touch with how he feels and a number of his needs. He is then going to look like a whole human being, but he typically won’t operate like one.

As a result of this, it is going to be normal for him to ignore how he feels and overlook a number of his needs. But, as this is just what is normal, there will be no reason for him to be aware of this.

A Catalyst

One thing that could allow him to become aware of this is if he were to start a romantic relationship. By getting close to a woman, he is likely to be asked how he feels about her.

If so, he can end up finding it hard to connect with how he feels and wonder why he is this way. Then again, after not being able to do this, he could see this is a sign that he is not in love with her.

Another Part

Another thing that he could see is that he has the tendency to focus on her needs and do what she wants. He could then wonder why he is this way and doesn’t pay attention to his own needs.

At the same time, he could just believe that he is with a woman who is consumed by her own needs and is not interested in his. Therefore, even if she is overly concerned with her own needs, he won’t look into what is going on for him.

Looking Deeper

Assuming that he was to wonder why he doesn’t have a good connection with how he feels and ignores his needs, he could soon see that he has been this way for quite some time. If he were to think about what he is like around his friends, he could see that he is not much different.

He might see that he is not aware of how he feels when he is around them and that he largely ignores his needs. What could soon stand out is that if he hadn’t got into a relationship, he wouldn’t have realised how out of touch he was with himself.

Another Reality

At this point, it might seem as though he just needs to reconnect to himself, so that he can feel his feelings and express his needs. Nonetheless, even though it can appear to be this simple, it is unlikely to be.

He could find that no matter how much he tries, he can’t feel his feelings or connect to a number of his needs. From this, it will be clear that this is something that is going to take time.

Going Deeper

What this is likely to illustrate is that he had to lose touch with his feelings and a number of his needs to protect himself. This would have involved him disconnecting from his body and living in his head.

As problematic as it will be for him to be this way, then, he won’t have chosen to be this way. And, although it will now be safe for him to be connected to himself, his system won’t know this.

Frozen In Time

In other words, a big part of him will still perceive life based on how it was, not on how it is. This is why it is not possible for him to be fully present and embrace both himself and life.

If he were to be connected to himself and start expressing his needs, he is likely to experience fear and anxiety. Along with this, he is likely to experience shame and a deep sense of helplessness and hopelessness.

What’s going on?

The reason why he had to lose touch with himself to protect himself and why he would experience these feelings and sensations is that he may have been deprived and wounded as a child. This may have been a time when his mother was generally unable to attune to his needs and provide him with the love that he needed.

The outcome of this is that a number of his development needs would have seldom if ever been met. When he expressed his needs, it probably would have been normal for him to be ignored, criticised, rejected and even abandoned.

The Outcome

As he was powerless and dependent, he wasn’t able to make her into a loving mother or to find a mother who could love him. Due to this, he had to adapt to what was going on, which would have involved him gradually losing touch with his feelings and a number of his needs.

He would have become a disembodied human being but this would have kept him alive. If he hadn’t responded in this way, he probably wouldn’t be alive, let alone be man who is out of touch with himself.

The meaning

In addition to losing touch with himself, he would have personalised what took place as he was egocentric. Consequently, he would have believed that he was worthless and unlovable and that his feelings and needs were bad.

The truth is that he is not worthless or unlovable, and his feelings and needs are not bad. Most likely, his mother had been deprived and wounded during her formative years and, thus, wasn’t able to give him what he needed.
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Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.