If a woman is with a man who is overly focused on his mother, he is not going to have much time for her. And, when she is with him, he could generally be mentally somewhere else and emotionally out of reach.

She is then not going to feel seen and heard, valued and loved, and that she is with a man who wants to be with her. Naturally, she is going to miss out on a lot and she could often think about how she would be better off alone.

Nothing new

Now, this could be the first time that she has been with a man like this, or she might have been in this position before. In fact, she might have been with a number of men who were out of reach.

If so, what she is going through is likely to be harder for her to handle than if this was the first time that she has been with a man like this. What this comes down to is that it will be harder for her to believe, for instance, that it will be different next time.

A Low Place

Thanks to what is and has been going on, then, she could be in a very low place. But, instead of calling it a day with him, she could do what she could to try to change his behaviour.

What this is likely to do is allow her to avoid how she feels, if only for a short period of time. She can then look into why he is this way and spend a lot of time trying to get through to him.

Around In Circles

He might listen to what she has to say and even agree with what she said but that could be as far as it will go. Then again, he might dismiss what she says, with it being clear that he has no intention of changing.

If this is so, she could end up feeling a deep sense of despair after this has become clear, only to go back to trying to change him shortly after. Once again, this will allow her to keep how she feels out of her conscious awareness.

External Feedback

When she speaks to her friends about what is going on, assuming that she has done this, they could wonder why she doesn’t cut her ties with him. They could say, in one way or another, that he is unlikely to change his behaviour and that she deserves better.

But, even if she has heard this on a number of occasions, it might not have had much of an impact on her. Part of her could agree with what has been said but she could soon go back to behaving in the same way.


Being with this man won’t be serving her but it is likely that a big part of her doesn’t want to face reality. Based on how she is behaving, it will be as if she would rather experience the pain of being with a man who is not available than experience the pain of accepting this and being alone.

This is likely to show that as hard as it is for her to experience this pain, it would be a lot harder for her to experience the pain that she would experience if she moved on. At the same time, if she were to leave him and soon end up with another man, she might be able to avoid this pain.

What’s going on?

It can seem strange why it would be easier for her to handle the pain of being with a man who is not available than the pain of accepting this and being alone. Nonetheless, if her early years are taken into account, what is going on is likely to make complete sense.

This may have been a stage of her life when her mother and perhaps father were emotionally unavailable and unable to provide her with the love that she needed. Consequently, it would have been normal for her to not be seen or heard, which would have deprived and greatly wounded her.

The outcome

Due to this, she is likely to have felt angry, frustrated, helpless, helpless, worthless and unlovable, amongst other things. But, as she was egocentric at this stage of her life, she would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with her.

What this would have also done is allowed her to block out what her mother and perhaps father were actually like. She would have come to believe that if she lost certain parts of herself and behaved in a certain way, she would be loved.

No Impact

Blocking out reality would have been essential to her survival as it would have been too much for her to accept what her mother and perhaps father were really like. To help her keep it together and function, her brain would have also repressed how she felt and a number of her needs.

Many, many years will have passed since that stage of her life, but, a big part of her won’t have moved on. This part of her will still be looking for the love that she missed out on.

Replying The Past

To this part of her, the man that she is with, and the men that she has been with, will represent her mother and perhaps father. This is because this part of her has no sense of time and is blind.

So, in the same way, that she struggled to be loved by one or two people who couldn’t love her as a child, she will struggle to be loved by a man who can’t love her. It would have been too painful for her to face reality then and it will still be too painful for her to do so now.

Drawing the line

With this in mind, for her to no longer recreate this depriving stage of her life, she will need to face and work through the pain that she wasn’t able to face all those years ago. Now that she is an adult, she doesn’t have to face this pain alone.


If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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