Mother-Enmeshed Men: Why Would A Mother-Enmeshed Man’s Mother Sabotage His Relationships?

Not only can a man’s mother expect him to be there for her, but she can also do what she can to make sure that he doesn’t separate from her and have his own life. One of the ways that this can take place is by doing what she can to push away any woman that he dates or has a relationship with.

If so, he could have been with a number of women that he had a good connection with and even loved but he wasn’t with them for very long. She will then be his mother but she will behave more like his enemy.

The Norm

But, as destructive as she will be, he might not say anything to her or try to change his life. What this is likely to show is that as being undermined by her is normal, it is not something that stands out.

Moreover, he can feel ashamed of his needs and not believe that he has the right to have them, let alone meet them. Naturally, this is going to cause him to hide them and stop him from doing what he needs to do to break away from his mother and have his own life.

No Different

Now, when he starts dating a woman, his mother can tell him that she is not right for him or words to that effect. Additionally, she could say that he deserves a woman who is better.

It could go further than this, though, as she could put her down when she is around. His mother might even put her son down when she is around to try to put her off him.

The Reason

She can then make out that she has his best interests at heart and is looking out for him, but this won’t be the truth. If this was the truth, she wouldn’t try to push away every woman that he has been up with or just about every woman.

And, if there has been at least one woman who she hasn’t tried to remove from her son’s life, it could be because she was fairly easy-going and had the need to please her. Thus, she wouldn’t have seen her as a threat.

A Different Scenario

However, when it comes to the other women, they might have had their own minds and not been willing to be controlled. They might have even stood up to her and been critical of her behaviour.

The outcome of this is that they would have been seen as a threat to the control that she herself had over her son. To keep things the same, then, it would have been essential for her to do what she could to push them away.

Going Deeper

Another part of this is that as she expects her son to be there for her, she is likely to see him as her possession, not as a separate human being who has his own needs and feelings and life to lead. With this in mind, if he is in a relationship, there is a chance that he will leave her side.

But, even if he doesn’t leave her side, he would direct some of his energy and attention toward someone else. What this would do is deprive her of some of his energy and attention, or ‘supply’ as it is often called.

The Exception

This is why, if her son is with a woman who is easy-going and has the need to please her, she won’t need to worry about her son breaking away and there will be another person in her life who will be there for her. She then won’t have one possession; she will have two possessions that will serve her.

Nonetheless, even in this scenario, the woman can, sooner or later, become frustrated with how unavailable the man is and how focused he is on his mother. So, it is unlikely to be a relationship that would last very long.

A Closer Look

Taking into account how his mother is likely to see him and how entitled she feels to his time and energy, it is likely to show that she is developmentally stunted. At an emotional level, she probably hasn’t grown beyond around three years of age.

At this stage of her life, as she was in an underdeveloped state, she would have seen her parent or parents as part of her and felt entitled to their attention. If she had received the attunement and care that she needed, she probably would have grown out of this stage.

Frozen In time

But, as she was likely to have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded at this stage of her development, she would have stayed anchored to this stage. To handle what happened, she is likely to have gradually disconnected from how she felt and a number of her needs and developed a disconnected, unfeeling and inflated false self.

The years would then have passed and once her son was born, she would have unconsciously seen him as someone who would provide her with the love that she missed out on. Due to how underdeveloped and needy she was, she was not in a position to provide her son with what he needed, causing him to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded, with him staying an in underdeveloped state.

Moving Forward

For him to be able to put himself first and create a life that is worth living, he is likely to have a lot of inner and outer work to do. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.