Mother-Enmeshed Men: Has A Mother Enmeshed-Man Abandoned Himself?

If a man has the tendency to be there for his mother, it is going to mean that he will also have the tendency to overlook a number of his own needs. Quite simply, it is not going to be possible for him to be there for both his mother and himself.

So, when he is not at work, assuming that he generally works during the week, he could spend a lot of time doing things for his mother. For example, he could go shopping with and/or for her, do jobs for her and listen to her problems.

Role Reversal

Now, this could show that his mother is unable to do a great deal for herself but, it might not be this black and white. Instead, she could be able to do most things for herself and have other people to talk to and yet, she could look towards her son.

From this, it is likely to show that she doesn’t see him as her son and sees him more like a parental figure. She could deny this if it was put forward to her but based on how she behaves and what she expects from her son, it will be clear.

The Priority

As for the man, it will be as though his mother’s needs are his own needs. He will be there for her and neglect himself and at the same time, he might not be aware of this.

If this is so, it is likely to show that due to how long he has been this way, it simply doesn’t stand out. Along with not being aware of the fact that he is neglecting himself, he is typically also likely to be out of touch with a number of his own needs and feelings.

The Perfect Servant

His mother is then going to have someone who is there for her, and she won’t need to do anything for him. She could also believe that she is entitled to his time and attention and he could feel responsible for her.

This is then going to be a relationship that benefits her and undermines him as he is abandoning himself. But, if he is not aware of what is going on, there will be no reason for him to draw the line.

External Feedback

If another mother was to see this, she could wonder why his mother is behaving like a child and why her son is behaving like a parent. It could be clear to her that this is not a healthy mother-son relationship.

She might see that his mother is using him and he is being taken advantage of. This could be a conclusion that the average person would come to if they were to hear about or see what is going on.

A Heavy Weight

As he is neglecting himself, something significant might need to occur for him to see what is going on and change his life. If his mother was to pass on, this could be a time when he will gradually be able to finally be there for himself.

Alternatively, as he is not there for himself, this is going to take a lot out of him and sooner or later, he might not be able to continue. At this point, he could end up having a breakdown and be forced to draw the line with this mother.

A Strange Scenario

If he was to end up seeing clearly, irrespective of why this is, he could wonder why he is so focused on his mother and is not there for himself. He could see that he behaves as though he only has a few needs and that his mother’s life is more important than his own.

He could soon see that being there for her feels comfortable, while being there for himself doesn’t. Thanks to this, although living in this way won’t be serving him, a big part of him will believe that it is the right way for him to live.

Inner Conflict

As behaving in this way feels comfortable to a big part of him, it won’t be a surprise that he has abandoned himself for however long. If being there for himself felt comfortable, his life would be very different.

He is an individual who has his own needs and feelings and life to lead, so it will be clear that something is not right. Most likely, what took place during his formative played the biggest part in why he is this way.

Way Back

Throughout this key stage of his life, his mother probably wasn’t able to truly be there for him and provide him with the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. The reason for this is that she is likely to have been in an underdeveloped state and would have looked towards him to be there for her.

He would then have had to adapt to her needs, which would have caused him to lose touch with a number of his needs and feelings in the process. Consequently, he would have lost touch with his true self and created a false self, with him coming to believe that his needs and feelings were bad.

Deeply Deprived

The years would have passed and his physical and mental self would have grown but his emotional self wouldn’t have. Furthermore, his developmental needs that were not met wouldn’t have disappeared, they would have been repressed.

These unmet developmental needs will cause him to continue to look towards his mother for love; love that she couldn’t provide him back then and can’t provide him now. Being there for her will also be a way for him to keep the pain that he experienced as a boy at bay.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.