Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Mother-Enmeshed Man Fall Into Self-Pity?

What a man may find, if he is overly focused on his mother and neglects himself, is that he has the tendency to feel down. But, as he will spend a lot of time ignoring himself, this is to be expected.

If he were to take a closer look at what takes place when he feels down, he can find that he usually feels sad and as though he is helpless. He can also see that when he goes into this state, it usually lasts for a little while.

A Bleak Place

When it comes to the thoughts that enter his mind during this time, he can see that he thinks about how there is nothing that he can do, how he has no control, how he is a failure and that life is not fair. It will then be as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders and it is him against the world.
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After this, he could see that when he goes into this mode he takes on a victim mentality. Due to the identity that he takes on, how he feels and the thoughts that run through his mind, he won’t see a way out.

A Natural Outcome

However, even if it is clear to him that being this way is not serving him, it doesn’t mean that he will be able to stop going into this state. He can find that he still has the tendency to go into this state.

There can be seen as being two reasons for this. One, he will live a life that is tearing him down, and, two, he will have spent a lot of his life living in this way and having this inner experience.

The First Step

The main thing is that he is aware of how he has the inclination to go into an inner state that is not serving him. Of course, if he wasn’t aware of this, he would continue to feel sorry for himself and his life would continue to go in the same direction.

Yet, as he is aware of how destructive this is, even if he doesn’t fully believe that he can change his life, he will be able to interrupt this inner pattern. From here, he can start to question his thoughts and beliefs.

The Truth

What he can keep in mind during this time is that, no matter what is going on for him externally; he can change his life. He is not a powerless victim; he is a powerful co-creator of his reality.

Nonetheless, he may find that thanks to the feelings that he experiences and how his body responds, it is hard for him to accept this. But, if he feels helpless and hopeless and his body goes into a collapsed physiological state, this is not a surprise.

A Closer Look

The reason that his emotional and physical self responds in this way can be because of what has not been resolved from his past. Thus, his developmental years will be over, but, due to the impact that it had on him, he won’t have truly moved on.

Now, if this was a stage of his life when his mother was emotionally unavailable and out of reach, and used him to meet some of her needs, he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. As he didn’t receive what he needed to grow and develop in the right way, he would have often felt helpless and hopeless.

A Brutal Time

And, as he was powerless and dependent at this stage of his life, he was helpless and hopeless. There was absolutely nothing that he could have done to change what was going on.

To handle what happened and keep it together and function, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his developmental needs. This would have meant that he lost touch with his connected and embodied true self and went into a collapsed physiological state.

The Past Is Present

Many years will have passed since he not only felt powerless but was powerless, but a big part of him won’t realise this. This is why he will continually go into a state where he feels powerless and sees himself as powerless.

In reality, the state that he goes into will reflect how things were, not how things are and will be nothing more than an illusion. Yet for him to realise this, he will have a lot of inner work to do, among other things.

Moving Forward

A big part of this will be for him to face and work through the pain that he had to repress and experience his unmet developmental needs. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life he may need to reach for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.