Grief: Can Someone Carry A Lot Of Grief If They Experienced Childhood Trauma?

If someone was to take a step back and to reflect on how they usually feel, what might become clear is that they often feel low and even depressed. This could be how they have felt for as long as they can remember.

There could also be moments when they don’t feel anything, which will give them a break from how they feel. Now, although this will be a time when they are emotionally shut down and are out of touch with the guidance that their emotional self would provide, it could be seen as the only alternative.

A Closer Look

If they were to able to sit with how they feel and to go deeper, what they may find is that there is a deep sadness inside them. It could feel as though they have lost someone.

What could be confusing about this is that they might not have experienced any major losses in their life. Or, if they have, the pain that they feel could be way out of proportion to what they have been through, and this pain could have been there before this took place.

A Time of Confusion

If they have had one big loss, for instance, they may have been spent a lot of time grieving this loss. But, while this will be the case, it won’t have had much of an effect on how they feel.

So, irrespective of whether one has experienced a major loss in their adult life, they could believe that how they feel is irrational. Therefore, just as there are said to be “irrational” phobias and fears, one will have “irrational” feelings.

A Heavy Weight

Naturally, through experiencing life in this way, it is going to be a challenge for them to be happy and to experience joy. If they do feel good, it could be because they have consumed something.

Through external means, they will have been able to change their inner state - albeit temporarily. It might seem as if a big part of them has given up on life and no longer wants to be here.

Reaching Out

Due to the effect that this is having on their life, it will be a good idea for them to reach out for support. If they don’t do this, their life is unlikely to get any better; in fact, it will probably get a lot worse.

It will be important for them to keep in mind that they are valuable and that they are not on this earth just to make up the numbers. If they do reach out, they could end up being told that they need to change their thoughts.

Top Down

What could be emphasised is that their thoughts create their feelings, so the way for them to feel better will be to have different thoughts. This could show that they are being assisted by a cognitive behavioural therapist or a counsellor.

By being mindful of what is taking place in their mind and replacing their ‘negative’ thoughts with ‘positive’ thoughts, they may find that their life starts to change. After they have been doing this for a few months, they could be a different person.

Another Outcome

Alternatively, this approach might not work and, even if it does, it might stop working before long. At this point, it could be said that one simply needs to keep going and all their effort will gradually pay off.

However, what this can show is that they need to try something else entirely or it won’t be possible for them to truly move forward. The reason that this approach might not work is that their thoughts might not be creating their feelings.

A Half-Truth

Instead, their thoughts could merely be triggering feelings that are already inside them. The view, then, that one’s thoughts create how they feel is not the complete truth and, most likely, it is a view that has sent a lot of people down the garden path.

One way of looking at this lopsided view would be to say that it is a consequence of living in a mind-centric society; a society where so many people, due to trauma, are in a disembodied state. The outcome of this collective self-alienation is that the body is generally ignored and the focus is primarily on the mind.

Going Deeper

If one’s thoughts are triggering what is taking place in their body, this may illustrate that their early years were anything but nurturing. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis.

Ultimately, their developmental needs would have rarely been met, and this would have been incredibly painful. Day after day, week after week, they would have experienced a sense of loss, and, each time this took place, they would have experienced grief, in addition to feeling helpless, powerless, hopeless, worthless, terrified and enraged.

A Build-Up

As the care that they needed wasn’t there and they were too undeveloped to handle this pain, they would have had to disconnect from their feelings. This would have caused them to lose touch with their body in the process.

If they were unable to do this, it is unlikely that they would still be alive. But, although this survival mechanism allowed them to survive, it will now mean that they are carrying layers and layers of unprocessed emotional pain.

Awareness
​
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.