In recent years, a lot has been said about children who have gender identity issues. It doesn’t end there though, as a lot of exposure has been given to adults who are also going through the same experience.


If one has heard a lot about this, they could wonder what is going on, and this could show that they have been on this planet for a little while. Still, that could be as far as it will go and they could just carry on with their life.

When this doesn’t take place, and one takes a deeper look, it could how that they are a curious person. It is then not going to a surprise for them to take a deeper look into what is taking place.

Two Experiences

One way of looking at this would be to say that it is one thing for a child to have issues with their identity and another thing for an adult to be this way. The reason for this is that a young child is, of course, at the beginning of their life.

An adult, on the other hand, is no longer at this stage, and so they should experience life differently. At the same time, what can’t be overlooked is that even though someone looks like an adult, it doesn’t mean that they will feel like one.


This is not to say that this is something that someone can grow out of; what it comes down to is that how someone sees themselves usually changes as they grow older. For example, someone could look back on their life and see how insecure they were then they were younger.

But as the years have passed, they could be only to aware of how much they have changed. Therefore, what they struggled with as a child is not something that bothers them as an adult.


However, it would be inaccurate to say that this is what happens to everyone, as life is not this black and white. What this comes down to is that not every child receives what they need in order to develop in the right way.

And if this doesn’t happen, it doesn’t mean that someone will reach out for the support that they need. The years will go by and they might not do anything about how they feel, and this will cause them to suffer unnecessarily.

A Closer Look

When adult doesn’t feel comfortable with their own gender, it could show that this is due to what took place when they were younger. Yet if one believes that this is the only reason why someone would be this way, and they were to say this out in the open, there is a strong chance that they would receive a lot of negative feedback.

They could be labelled as having some kind of phobia, for instance, and this could then have a negative effect on their life. And if one did believe this, it would probably show that they have closed mind.

A Lack of Empathy

What this could show is that one is not willing to put themselves in the shoes of someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with who they are. Through being this way, there is going to be no reason for them to show compassion towards them.

One could then end up criticising people who are experiencing life in this way, and this is going to be the last thing they need. Perhaps one has a clear idea of how a man and woman should behave, or they might have grown up in an era when this kind of thing wasn’t spoken about.

An Adult

Now, when an adult doesn’t feel comfortable with their gender, it could be said that they are old enough to make their own decisions. Still, if one wanted to have a sex change, it doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t take a step back and look into why they want to do this.

As once this happens, there is going to be no going back, and they could make their life even worse by doing this. When it comes to making a big decision, it is going to be vital for one to look into why they want to take this step and to look into why may or may not happen if this step is taken.

A Child

So, while an adult will have had the time to find out about themselves and, as long as they are over twenty five, their brain will also be fully developed; this is not going to be the case for a child. Consequently, it’s hard to see how it would be a good idea for a caregiver to allow their child to go through this process.

In fact, it could be said that it would be completely irresponsible for them to give their child so much control. If they truly cared about their child, they would listen to what they have to say and give them the support they need, but that would be it.

Part of Growing Up

When someone is at the beginning of their life, there is going to be no reason for them to have a clear idea of who they are. For one thing, this is a time of exploration as opposed to a time when they have everything worked out.

Along with this, just because someone is a boy, it doesn’t mean that they will act like a boy, and the same goes for a girl. After all, both genders have both the masculine and the feminine within them.

The True-Self

What this means is that one can be a man, but they can have a stronger feminine side, or they can be woman and have a stronger masculine side. But regardless of how they behave, it doesn’t mean that they are not a man or woman.

Ultimately, it is about one embracing who they are and being comfortable in their own skin. There will be people who are able to accept them and there will be people who can’t, but this part of life.


There are a number of things that can take place during someone’s early years that can stop them from being able to feel comfortable with their own gender. At this age, they would have had the need to identify with their same sex parent.

If this was possible, it would have allowed them to develop and to feel good about themselves. But when this is not an option, it can cause them to experience inner conflict and it can be a challenge for them to accept themselves.

The Reason

This could have been a time when their same sex parent wasn’t around, or if they were around, they might have been abusive, for instance. Thus, even if they were around, they wouldn’t have been a good example to follow.

Through having these experiences, it may have caused them to hate this parent/caregiver, and thereby to hate themselves. One would then have experienced toxic shame and this will have caused them to feel worthless.

The Wrong Gender

Alternatively, one may find that their parents/caregivers wanted a boy/girl instead, and this would have set them up to felt unwanted. This would then have been something that they pushed out of their awareness.

The acceptance that they desperately needed wouldn’t have been there, and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain.


It would be an oversight though, to overlook the effect that society has on whether a man or a woman feels comfortable with themselves. How men and women are portrayed in the media and the entertainment industry is bound to play a part.

If someone is having trouble accepting their own gender or if a parent has a child like this, it might be a good idea for them to speak to a therapist before they go any further.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand four hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include 'A Dialogue With The Heart' and 'Communication Made Easy'.

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