***Therapy is a Powerful Tool - Is It For You?

Therapy can be a powerful tool for your personal growth and well-being. It’s also a great stress buster. But is it for you?

And how do you find a good therapist? What do you need to know about a therapist before deciding to work with her or him? How should you relate to a therapist? Is psychotherapy really of any value? When should you consider seeing a therapist? And what standards are appropriate for evaluating your continuing therapy?

If you are like most people, then life will send you your fair share of stressful problems and situations that you can’t understand or change on your own. Trying to figure out and resolve some of your difficulties can be like trying to pick up a board you’re standing on. Should you seek help from a psychotherapist?

MAKING THE DECISION CAN BE COMPLICATED

Making the decision to see a therapist can be difficult for a number of reasons. Let’s consider some of them together.

First, many people feel a loss of self-worth over the prospect of seeing a therapist. That’s not uncommon, especially in our culture. More than a few of us have bought into false and heroic notions about what it means to be a healthy or strong person, notions that view psychological stress and problems as signs of weakness. These ideas are nonsense—but they can be powerful nonsense.

Never assume that your psychological stress, problems or yearnings are evidence that you are lacking in any way. In truth, your difficulties can be a healthy signal that something important within you is calling for your attention. It takes intelligence, courage and character to respond to those calls.

The fact is that if we deny and avoid our emotional pain, we’ll pay a stiff price. Because if we deny our emotions, they can make us ill. And if we try to avoid our problems, they begin to set limits on what can actually happen in our life. Would you want to waste part of your life stuck in a self-image that’s too small for who you truly are?

Studies show that people who experience a successful psychotherapy not only feel better emotionally—they also have less stress and fewer life and health problems.

The same is true, by the way, for people who develop the capacity, through training, to work on their own psychology. This falls into the category of what we call “Mind-side Fitness”. More about that another time. For now, let’s get back to therapy.

If you do decide to go into therapy, you have to choose a therapist, a choice that can be a difficult task. Some suggestions: Do your best to play an active role in finding a good therapist. Become as well informed as possible. Don’t just passively accept someone else’s referral.

WHAT TO DO IN YOUR FIRST MEETINGS WITH A THERAPIST

During the initial therapy meetings, plan to learn a number of important things about your therapist. Because of your past passive roles with professionals, you might feel awkward making inquiries about a therapist’s education, training and experience. You should raise questions anyway.

If you ask questions respectfully, then a therapist should be willing and able to answer them easily. If she or he takes offense, then you know right away that you need to move on. And a therapist should be able to offer you a clear and brief answer to the question: what is psychotherapy?

There is no one correct answer. But really good therapists can usually tell you in plain English what therapy means to them. These therapists have digested their education and training into a personal vision of therapy that is well thought out, vital and alive.

It’s not a bad idea to ask if a therapist own therapy has been part of her training. Don’t ask for any details, just whether or not they’ve been in therapy. A therapists own experience in therapy is a critical part of her training. It’s hard to help someone get to a place you haven’t been to yourself.

QUESTIONS AND ISSUES YOU SHOULD CONSIDER

After you meet with a therapist, ask yourself these questions: What does it feel like to be with and talk to this person? Can I understand what they’re saying? Do I feel that what I have to say is understood in the way I meant it? Do I learn something of value during therapy sessions?

Many psychotherapy experiences begin with focused objectives in mind. For example, you may want to deal with stress or negotiate life changes such as a divorce, a marriage or a change in career. Therapy can also be an experience of uncovering and mastering habitual tendencies that leave you vulnerable to stress and recurring problems at work and in your relationships.

For some people, psychotherapy can go on for long periods as the work of therapy moves beyond the resolution of problems. Like lobsters shedding their shells that become too small to contain their growth, deep therapy involves you in the work of disengaging from your surface conditioning so that you can grow into more of who you deeply are. This is the essence deep personal growth and it will require a good deal of both you and your therapist.

You need to give a therapist the authority to work on your behalf. At times, they may challenge you to face things that are disagreeable. That’s part of what you pay them for. But they should be caring and respectful when they challenge you.

And you should never treat a therapist as an authority figure that you can’t question or challenge. And under no circumstances should you feel pressured to accept interpretations, directives or instructions that you don’t understand.

The word psychotherapy originally meant “healing of the soul or psyche”. At its best, therapy is a process of tending to and caring for our inner life. The goal is to create a “sound mind in a healthy body” and so enjoy a life that can be well lived, loved and understood.

At its best, therapy can be an exciting and courageous adventure of personal growth.

Manganiello/MESICS LLC ©--All Rights Reserved 2009