Feel Safe By "Safing Yourself"

Everyone feels unnecessary fear sometimes. Some people feel it almost constantly.

When you have this problem, you know you are scaring yourself mentally through self-talk and that you need to stop it. But stopping it can be difficult, so what can you do? You Can Start SAFING YOURSELF Instead!

BEFORE YOU BEGIN
Whenever you feel any kind of scare the FIRST thing to do is use your senses (eyes & ears & nose, etc.!) to notice if there is anything right now in the real world that IS scary!

If there's something scary in your world at that moment, do whatever it takes to get safe! (The only healthy reason for feeling scare is to remind us to protect ourselves when we need the protection.)

If your senses don't pick up any real threat, there is NO real threat. You can be sure you are only scaring yourself through your THOUGHTS.

FINDING THE SCARY THEORY
Before you can start "safing yourself," you need to identify the "scary theory" you've been using to scare yourself.

The common "scary theory" we will use as our example is: "I would die of embarrassment if a he said something bad about me!"

DISCUSSION: THE "FEAR OF DEATH"
Notice the phrase: "I would DIE? in our example.

Believe it or not, when you look deep enough, you will find that all fear has a subconscious connection to a specific "death fear." Fear is always about SOMEONE dying ?either ourselves or someone we think we need.

It can help a LOT to recognize the deeper "fear of death" behind our irrational fears.

Sometimes you won't be able to identify the "death fear" that your scary theory is connected to, but it's still wise to remember that there IS such a fear beneath the surface. It helps you to understand why your fear is so strong.

THREE WAYS TO "SAFE YOURSELF"
Once you know the "scary theory" you've been using, you can start to actually safe yourself.

Use all three of these methods until you overcome each fear. Do it often enough so that some day ALL your unnecessary fears will be gone!

1) PLAYING THE OPPOSITES
One good way to safe yourself is to say the OPPOSITE of the thought you are using to scare yourself, and notice how much TRUTH there is to it!

In our example, the opposites would be: "He will NOT embarrass me," and, "I WON'T die of embarrassment even if he does embarrass me"

Notice the degree to which the opposite statement is true or likely. For instance, the degree to which you can reasonably expect him to try to shame you today might be 25%.... and, of course, the degree to which you can be sure you will never die from being embarrassed is 100%...!

2) CHECKING YOUR INVITATIONS
Another way to safe yourself is to ask: "Do I have ways of subconsciously INVITING the very thing I fear?"

Someone who is afraid of embarrassment might blush or have an embarrassed look as soon as their fear begins. And if there is someone around them who is cruel enough to want to embarrass them, these behaviors send out the message that they are "ripe targets" for embarrassment.

Once you find out what you do that sometimes invites the very thing you fear, you can learn how to stop it or do it far less often. You will then gain confidence at handling the very situations that scare you.

3) THINKING ABOUT THE WORST
In ALL scare situations, admit to yourself what your WORST fear is. Then DECIDE what you would actually do if this worst fear really did come true.

For instance, if someone keeps embarrassing you even though you've told them to stop it you might decide to make some new friends and stop being around such a cruel person!

USE YOUR INSIGHT!
All these ways of safing yourself require more than a little personal insight. The best way I know of to find the insight you have is to ask yourself: "What would I have wanted as a small child if this kind of thing was going on?"

Then do whatever it takes (that is 100% safe) to GET what you wanted back then!