You Can Heal Yourself: Trust and Relationships

For many of us trust is not necessarily an easy thing. It can be a big word - loaded with disappointments and few happy memories. We hesitate when we are faced with the desire or need to trust someone and are not comfortable when they trust us. We fear what may happen by making ourselves that vulnerable and then we worry and obsess about it. Many of us feel trust is impossible and in fact we have taken a vow never to trust certain relationships and situations ever again. We can’t imagine allowing that kind of pain to hurt us in the future.

Trust takes a beating during the growing years of childhood to adulthood. We find that we believe in people and things only to be disappointed when they don’t work out. We take it personally as though it meant something undesirable about ourselves. We feel degrees of being crushed, abandoned and misused as we perceive that our hopes have been squandered by another. We feel we can’t trust ourselves because of what happens when we do.

Much is written these days about living authentically by believing in and trusting ourselves. There are many books, seminars and programs built around this theme. Yet, most of these “how to” programs miss the mark in one very important category: none of them seriously address the importance of letting go of the past. In order to really learn to trust ourselves it is necessary that we mentally and emotionally see ourselves as starting over by deliberately releasing our interpretations of events from our past.

One way of releasing these flawed interpretations is to invent new ones. When we are able to view ourselves using the wisdom we have gained from accepting our past, we can develop trust in our own choices and have faith in the future. There are stories every day of people who do just that. They hit bottom, entirely let go of the past, and then reinvent themselves. Many of them now write and speak about their experience to people all over the world. The problem is - they had to crash and burn to get the transformation they now own.

So what about everyone else - mainly those of us who don’t see an apocalypse in our immediate future? What are we to do to get our lives to be a manifestation of our true desires and a reflection of what we are here to contribute in this lifetime? Do we need to end up in the gutter too as our starting point?

I believe that average people like you and I can make a new start in life by releasing our own invalid interpretations of the past. We can make a new design for our present and future. You CAN chart a new future by letting go of the past and trusting in your ability to build a future. It’s about trusting your higher consciousness to lead the way. It is not a step-by-step process, but rather a truth-by-truth process you build for yourself one discovery at a time. You can’t lose when you trust your own ability to know what is true and best for you. We have all the answers inside just waiting for us to discover them.

Stop and ask yourself the following questions:
1) What could I have if I learned to trust myself?
2) Am I willing to learn to do that - and have that?
3) Can I be relied upon to give myself to this project?

These questions are to help you get clear so you can better manifest your dream and a life you can be proud of. They are designed to help you visualize the good that can come from exploring self trust. Think of what has been missing from your life. What would be possible if you were able to bring that back into your life or bring it into your life for the first time? That is the heart of this concept of self trust. Opening the internal “trunk” where we have deposited and locked away our dreams and joys allows us to experience them again and the happiness they provide.

Allowing ourselves to trust means that no matter what happens in our lives, we believe in our ability to overcome it. Allowing ourselves to trust also means if we stay on course and follow our dream, we will arrive at the destination meant for us no matter how circuitous the path. Allowing ourselves to trust begins with understanding where we are at the present moment and finding the grace and courage within ourselves to move forward into the unknown. Trusting ourselves wholly and fully begins the journey to our own radical fulfillment.

When I was a 4 year old in kindergarten, I had a bad experience with my first teacher. I was pretty shy and unsure of myself and I would freeze anytime my name was called. Fearing I would be singled out by the teacher to do something I couldn’t do or answer a question I couldn’t answer, I would panic and do nothing. This would infuriate the teacher who would yell at me in front of my classmates. She would take me to the back room while the other children were on the playground and hit me with a ruler each time I answered one of her questions wrong. Clearly this was a very poor way to begin my school career and a good start in distrusting teachers and other adults.

It happens that my first grade teacher was the perfect teacher for me to have next. Sensing I needed more help, she took me under her wing and gave me the confidence and support I needed to repair the old wounds. I don’t remember my kindergarten teacher’s name but I sure remember her and what she looked like. She was my angel sent from heaven and played a major role in my ability to regain my trust in adults.

Thankfully, trust is something that is elastic. It can be built up as well as knocked down. Research has revealed that even one person to trust and lean on in life is enough for successful intimacy. Equally important is the fact that having no one to trust can halt normal healthy human development. Trusting ourselves is the first step toward trusting others. Trusting ourselves means reinterpreting our past experiences – understanding them to be what we most needed at the time - and that our behavior and decisions were what they should have been at that stage in our growth and development. It isn’t true we cannot change our lives. Just look around you at all the people who have because they believed and trusted that they could. Many of them report they would not trade anything for the hardships and struggles they endured to become more authentically themselves.

I invite you to think about, and perhaps embrace, this idea of trusting yourself. Leave the past on the ground in front of you and walk away from it. Choose to move on in the direction of the life you desire and deserve, free of judgment, blame and fear. Remember that it is important to get support during this critical time in your growth and development in order to stay focused and not fall off track or quit and give up. I wish you the very best!

Looking ahead: I am planning to continue this theme in future articles. If this article has resonated and interested you, stay connected by visiting www.ADDInsights.com Learn along with me how we all can build a more authentic future based on trust and enlightenment of who we truly are underneath our masks, armor, shields and cloaks.