You Must Eliminate Toxic People From Your Life!

It is heart-breaking to me when I see so many entrepreneurs with all the elements for success – yet, they allow some people around them to hold them back.

"It's a lot easier to move forward, and succeed, when you don't have someone hanging on to your shirt-tail!" – Lou Tice

Think about what your business would be like if, in fact, you were only surrounded by positive, caring, loving, supportive people! It takes a lot of energy and stamina to run your own business – to live a happy, productive life. So why are YOU holding YOU back?

Let's examine.

"He who seeks for applause only from without has all his happiness in another's keeping!" – Oliver Goldsmith

Do you remember your mother telling you: "Birds of a feather…flock together!"?

She was right!

You want to live your life by intent and you have the power. You know that you are responsible for your own happiness. You know that all things are possible. You also know that you must surround yourself with positive, caring, loving, supportive people to reach your goals and/or to effect positive change in your life. This is one thing I know for sure: Some people aren't good for you!

Let me repeat: Some people aren't good for you!

You're not going to reach your goals if you hang around with people who whine, moan and complain about ‘ain't it awful'! These people are not good for you.

You not only must make a commitment to be happy, but you must also make a commitment to surround yourself with people who are high-energy, happy people and who will help you reach your goals. Now, I know what you're thinking! Easy for her to say……..I can tell you my own life story.

This strategy is not easy, by any means, but it is essential. I had a fair number of negative people in my life. And I can tell you, quite honestly, that is why:
I was NOT happy,
I did not achieve many of my goals,
I lived ‘small'
I was a ‘people pleaser'
I had low self-esteem in some areas of my life
I feel that NOW is THE time to live my live to the fullest.
I take full responsibility for the fact that my life went the way it did. Did I know, along the way, that I should have made some changes earlier? YES, I knew. But…(and I can just hear you saying the same things…the same excuses…to yourself right now!).
The ‘ya-buts' get in the way again. Typically, there will be a ‘life changing' moment when you make the decision to get some people out of your life. I know ‘my moment'.

It was in June 1994, when my father died. I was very close to my father. I did everything I could to please him. One of my ‘roles' in the family was that of ‘people pleaser'. My father, more often than not, approached me to make things better, to help my siblings get past conflict, to pull the family together. (I took on the same role once I got married and pulled my husband's family back together. I was good at it! I can remember, distinctly, the day my father was buried was the day I said to myself: "No More!" It was time for me to think about me, to think about what makes me happy, to distance myself from some members in the family who were consistently negative.

"Research confirms -- and quantifies -- it. Your chances of becoming happy increase by at least 15 percent if someone in your immediate social circle is happy." - Dr. Mehmet Oz

Was it easy for me? No. Was it necessary? Yes!

How do we do this, you might ask.

Now that you understand the ‘why', let me share the ‘how' with you.

The first thing I did was to make a list of all the happy, supportive, nurturing people that I know and with whom I interact. I made a commitment to spend more time with those people. With some, I actually arranged and scheduled ‘dates for getting together'. Life is busy. We tend to believe that the people we know, and love, will always be there for us! Not so! I learned that lesson as friends of mine were getting ill and dying. The circle gets smaller.

Then, I made a list of all the people (including family) who I considered to be, and have, negative energy. I made a commitment to myself to reduce and/or to eliminate (all together) any interaction with them, immediately. This did include some of my siblings. It also included, a few years later, my former husband. I came to the conclusion that he would never be happy and I am pleased to say that I believe he has now found his perfect mate!

The second thing I did was to make a list of happy things to do with my new ‘circle of influence'. Once again, we tend to go through life doing things on a ‘have-to' basis. I could feel my energy rising as I spent more happy time with family and friends. I read, once, that a very positive thing to do in life is to spend more time with people under the age of 7 and over the age of 70. That's what I do now. I listen to the "Hour of Power' on Sundays (when I get home from church -- it's my Sunday ‘double whammy' and I love it!) One recent Sunday, I heard John Maxwell speak and I want to share his words with you:

All people feel better and do better when you give them attention, affirmation, and appreciation. The next time you make contact with people, begin by giving them your undivided attention during the first thirty seconds. Affirm them and show your appreciation for them in some way. Then watch what happens. You will be surprised by how positively they respond. And if you have trouble remembering to keep your focus on them instead of on yourself, then perhaps the words of William King will help you. He said, "A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself."

This relates to the third thing that I did. I made sure that I listened to positive TV, positive music and read positive books. Is that too Pollyanna for many people? Perhaps. I made a conscious decision to stop listening to the news (especially before bed!), among other things. It is my life, my one and only life, and I decided to do everything it took to create happy days for me. My business has also flourished as a result!

CONCLUSION

In business, and in life, we need to stay positive and focused on the ‘why' we are here. It is impossible to do that when we allow ourselves to be surrounded, and held back, by negative energy and toxic people. Make the tough decisions now – that will truly pay off, in more ways than one, almost immediately.