...at least they think they do!

If I had a nickel for every woman who asked me why she would always lose herself in her relationship with a man, I would be a rich woman. Hell, I would be a rich woman if I had a nickel for every relationship I lost myself in. Ha!…I wish that was a paying job!

It’s a strange phenomenon. It at least seems to be a phenomenon. It doesn’t matter how smart, how successful, how old, or even how accomplished a woman is. She will still become completely lost in the man that she is seeing. Often she will find it hard to concentrate, she will obsess over how often he calls or doesn’t call. I have even known successful business women that have sabotaged their own business while in a relationship.

Women have so many more opportunities now than we did even 50 years ago. We now have the right to vote, the right to go to college, we can have just about any job, and many of us are entrepreneurs. But somehow we still have the notion that we need a man. Of course for some women it’s because the internal clock is ticking but for many others they still feel that need even though they have their babies.

We have all seen smart, successful women in powerful positions take seemingly completely self-sabotaging actions to get or to be with a man. We’ve watched our girlfriends walk in a state of foggy denial as she dates a complete loser. Perhaps you have also awoke within the fog after denying so much of what others were trying to tell you. And that’s not to mention what you own intuition was telling you.

As I said before it seems like a phenomenon, but it’s not really. Every person in our society is affected by the societal stories, history, and beliefs. Although women have enjoyed a great deal of increased “rights” we still live in a patriarchal society in which men still have more rights than women. Although, legally women have more rights, in many of our leading religions women remain the second class citizen.

I speak primarily about Christianity, as I am most familiar with it, but make no mistake many, if not all patriarchal religions, blame women for the creation of evil. In Christianity, Eve was punished for eating the apple from the tree of knowledge. After which, Eve and all woman kind is punished by God. The implication of this story is that woman has disappointed God. This now, often manifests in the psyche of girls, creating feelings that she is a disappointment to her own earthly father.

This rejection first by God and now by her father will often cause women to have a compelling need for approval from men. When daddy doesn’t provide the love, acceptance and approval that we need as little girls (and few do) we seek it in boys. You can still see it today as younger and younger girl’s dress more provocatively to attract the male attention. Girls and women can be coerced into sex, crime, drugs, prostitution, pornography and even murder to heal the wound of being rejected by God, then by daddy. Many times girls and even women will do almost anything just to feel loved and accepted by a man.

This burden of rejection has been carried by our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers and so on, it’s no wonder that we find ourselves compelled to please men, to do anything to make them love us. This biblical story said to be inspired by God was merely to protect and justify keeping women dependent and powerless. We have been lied to about God’s intentions in creating us and how God feel’s about us as women.

If women are to reclaim their true power of the Divine Feminine and create the relationship with a lover that honors and respects both parties she must heal her relationship with her God, her father and her Self.

Author's Bio: 

I delight in teaching women to love without losing herself. Guiding women to make themselves a priority in their lives despite other obligations is my passion and my joy. I am the author of “Fall in Love…with your Self” self-hypnosis CD, "Self-Love...How to Get There from Here" workshop, as well as many other workshops. I would love to speak for your group on self-love and about how the stories of religion affect us today. My website is www.WomanWithoutApology.com