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Articles from Rick Hanson | Selfgrowth.com
- Change the Channel - by Submitted on Mar 04, 2024 from Rick HansonIn response to a previous JOT – Find Stillness – a wise therapist, Betsy Sansby, reminded me that sometimes a person just can’t find any stillness anywhere. Maybe you have epilepsy or chronic pain or are wildly worried about a child or other loved one, or have been rejected in love or had the ...
Views: 255 - Choose to Love - by Submitted on Oct 28, 2024 from Rick HansonMany years ago, I was in a significant relationship in which the other person started doing things that surprised and hurt me. I'll preserve the privacy here so I won't be concrete, but it was pretty intense. After going through the first wave of reactions - What?! How could you? Are you kidding ...
Views: 118 - Cling Less, Love More - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2023 from Rick HansonAs a rock climber and a parent, I know some physical kinds of clinging are good - like too-small holds or small hands! But clinging as a psychological state has a feeling of tension in it, and drivenness, insistence, obsession, or compulsion. As experiences flow through the mind - seeing, ...
Views: 277 - Come to Center - by Submitted on Jun 17, 2024 from Rick HansonI’m old enough to remember a time when people usually answered “good” when you asked them the standard, “How are you?” (often said “harya?”). These days the answer is commonly “busy.” I know what it feels like to get very busy and start to feel dispersed: juggling a dozen priorities at ...
Views: 204 - Could it crack? - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2015 from Rick HansonThe truth of anything is like a mosaic with many tiles, many parts. One part of the truth of things is that they are robust and enduring, whether it's El Capitan in Yosemite or the love of a child for her mother and father. Another part of the truth is that things bruise, tear, erode, ...
Views: 1123 - Cultivate Goodwill - by Submitted on Jun 24, 2024 from Rick HansonAs the most social and loving species on the planet, we have the wonderful ability and inclination to connect with others, be empathic, cooperate, care, and love. On the other hand, we also have the capacity and inclination to be fearfully aggressive toward any individual or group we regard as ...
Views: 197 - Did You Truly Choose This Path? - by Submitted on Jul 04, 2017 from Rick HansonThe human body has about 100 trillion cells (plus another ten quadrillion microscopic critters hitching a ride, most of them beneficial or harmless). Each one of your cells has aims - goals, in a sense - controlled by its DNA: cells conduct processes aimed at particular functions, like building ...
Views: 1042 - Do Freely - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2024 from Rick HansonMost people spend most minutes of most days doing one thing after another. I sure do. Typing these words is a kind of doing, as is driving to work, making dinner, brushing one's teeth, or putting the kids to bed. For all the "labor-saving" devices of the past 50 years - dishwashers, phone ...
Views: 105 - Do People Ever Make You Mad? - by Submitted on Mar 14, 2017 from Rick HansonAs the most social and loving species on the planet, we have the wonderful ability and inclination to connect with others, be empathic, cooperate, care, and love. On the other hand, we also have the capacity and inclination to be fearfully aggressive toward any individual or group we regard as ...
Views: 976 - Do You Bear a Grudge? - by Submitted on Mar 20, 2017 from Rick HansonGoodwill and ill will are about intention: the will is for good or ill. These intentions are expressed through action and inaction, word and deed, and-especially-thoughts. How do you feel when you sense another person taking potshots at you in her mind? What does it feel like to take potshots of ...
Views: 1054 - Do you believe in love? - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2015 from Rick HansonTake a breath right now, and notice how abundant the air is, full of life-giving oxygen offered freely by trees and other green growing things. You can't see air, but it's always available for you. Love is a lot like the air. It may be hard to see - but it's in you and all around you. In ...
Views: 1093 - Do You Care? - by Submitted on Apr 30, 2015 from Rick HansonCompassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), ...
Views: 1073 - Do You Care? - by Submitted on Oct 23, 2017 from Rick HansonCompassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), ...
Views: 994 - Do You Got To? - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2016 from Rick HansonWe're pulled and prodded by financial pressures, commuter traffic, corporate policies, technology, advertising, politics, and the people we work with and live with. As well, internal forces yank the proverbial chains, including emotional reactions, compelling desires, "shoulds," and internalized ...
Views: 1050 - Does It Feel Safe With Other People? - by Submitted on Aug 01, 2016 from Rick HansonWe all know this fear. You're walking down a street, someone you don't know comes toward you, and there's a second or more of wariness, scanning, apprehension, and tension or bracing in the body: a barely conscious assessment of possible threat. Or you step into a meeting with people you know ...
Views: 957 - Don't Be Intimidated - by Submitted on Mar 27, 2023 from Rick HansonHumans evolved to be fearful since anxiety helped keep our ancestors alive. Consequently, we are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.” This vulnerability to feeling threatened has effects at many levels, ranging from ...
Views: 345 - Don't Beat Yourself Up - by Submitted on Nov 14, 2023 from Rick HansonA previous JOT - admit fault and move on - was about our relationship with other people. This JOT applies the same practice to ourselves. Most people know they have less than wonderful qualities, such as too much ambition (or too little), a weakness for wine or cookies, something of a temper, ...
Views: 286 - Don't Quarrel - by Submitted on Mar 20, 2023 from Rick HansonIt's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught ...
Views: 362 - Don't Rain On The Parade - by Submitted on Apr 24, 2023 from Rick HansonLet's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, the thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. ...
Views: 360 - Down Deep, Do You Feel At Ease? - by Submitted on Feb 08, 2016 from Rick HansonI've always liked lizards. Growing up in the outskirts of Los Angeles, I played in the foothills near our home. Sometimes I'd catch a lizard and stroke its belly, so it would relax in my hands, seeming to feel at ease. In my early 20's, I found a lizard one chilly morning in the mountains. ...
Views: 1168 - Drop Tart Tone - by Submitted on Oct 10, 2023 from Rick HansonI remember times I felt frazzled or aggravated and then said something with an edge to it that just wasn't necessary or useful. Sometimes it was the words themselves: such as absolutes like "never" or always" or over-the-top phrases like "you're such a flake" or "that was stupid." More often, it ...
Views: 310 - Drop The "Shoulds" - by Submitted on Apr 01, 2024 from Rick HansonOne time I watched a three-year-old at her birthday party. Her friends were there from preschool, and she received lots of presents. The cake came out, she admired the pink frosting rose at its center, and everyone sang. One of the moms cut pieces and, without thinking sliced right through the ...
Views: 243 - Drop The Case - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2023 from Rick HansonLately, I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that ...
Views: 360 - Drop the Load - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2024 from Rick HansonYou may have seen the old Mickey Mouse movie in which he is working at a conveyor belt in a factory. More and more widgets come at him that he must handle, and he gets increasingly frazzled as he struggles to keep up. Do you ever feel the same way? Think about all the dishes, emails, ...
Views: 186 - Drop the Stone - by Submitted on Oct 18, 2022 from Rick HansonAs we begin a new year for many people, it’s natural to consider how to make it a good one. Besides taking action in the outer world – from fixing a dripping faucet to feeding every child – we can act inside our own minds . . . and take the benefits with us wherever we go. This year, what do you ...
Views: 405 - Eat Right - by Submitted on Jan 20, 2025 from Rick HansonThe easiest and usually most effective way to replenish your body is through good nutrition. Most of us have a diet that is very different from the one that we are adapted to through millions of years of evolution - a diet of mainly vegetables, fruits, nuts, and meat. Humans first started ...
Views: 61 - Embrace Fragility - by Submitted on May 29, 2023 from Rick HansonThe truth of anything is like a mosaic with many tiles and many parts. One part of the truth of things is that they are robust and enduring, whether it's El Capitan in Yosemite or the love of a child for her mother and father. Another part of the truth is that things bruise, tear, erode, ...
Views: 374 - Enjoy Four Kinds of Peace - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2022 from Rick Hanson“Peace” can sound merely sentimental or clichéd (“visualize whirled peas”). But deep down, it’s what most of us long for. Consider the proverb: The highest happiness is peace. Not a peace inside that ignores pain in oneself or others or is acquired by shutting down. This is a durable peace, a ...
Views: 494 - Enjoy Four Kinds of Peace - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2024 from Rick Hanson“Peace” can sound merely sentimental or clichéd (“visualize whirled peas”). But deep down, it’s what most of us long for. Consider the proverb: The highest happiness is peace. Not a peace inside that ignores pain in oneself or others or is acquired by shutting down. This is a durable ...
Views: 167 - Enjoy Now - by Submitted on Jan 15, 2024 from Rick HansonThere’s a profound and miraculous mystery right under our noses: this instant of now has no duration at all, yet somehow it contains all the causes from the past that are creating the future. Everything arising to become this moment vanishes beneath our feet as the next moment wells up. Since ...
Views: 269 - Enjoy Sobriety - by Submitted on Sep 30, 2024 from Rick HansonBy "sobriety," I mean healthy self-control, a centered enjoyment of life, and inner freedom from drivenness. We typically apply this sense of balance and self-care to things like food, drugs and alcohol, sexuality, money, and risky behaviors. And if you like, you could bring sobriety to other ...
Views: 137 - Enjoy the Freedom Not To - by Submitted on Oct 07, 2024 from Rick HansonWe're pulled and prodded by financial pressures, commuter traffic, corporate policies, technology, advertising, politics, and the people we work with and live with. As well, internal forces yank the proverbial chains, including emotional reactions, compelling desires, "shoulds," and internalized ...
Views: 128 - Enjoy The Good That Lasts - by Submitted on Sep 19, 2022 from Rick HansonSo many things change. Leaves fall, friends move away, and children leave home. My dad died a year ago, and my mom about ten years before that. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting older (darn, there is no fooling the mirror). The world changes, too. Evolving technologies alter jobs and ...
Views: 411 - Feed the Mouse - by Submitted on Aug 21, 2023 from Rick HansonTo simplify a complex process spanning 600 million years, your brain developed in ways that are loosely related to the three major stages of vertebrate evolution: Reptile – Brainstem, focused on avoiding harms Mammal – Subcortex, focused on approaching rewards Primate – Neocortex, ...
Views: 325 - Feed the Wolf of Love - by Submitted on Oct 02, 2023 from Rick HansonI once heard a teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved, and respected. She replied: "It's because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on ...
Views: 322 - Feel Already Full - by Submitted on May 13, 2024 from Rick HansonOne slice of the pie of life feels relaxed and contented. And then there is that other slice, in which we feel driven and stressed. Trying to get pleasures, avoid pains, pile up accomplishments and recognitions, be loved by more people. Lose more weight, try to fill the hole in the heart. Slake ...
Views: 215 - Feel Cared About - by Submitted on Jan 02, 2023 from Rick HansonEveryone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy. On the other hand, you’ve probably had the sense, at one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn’t ...
Views: 388 - Feel The Support - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2024 from Rick HansonWe're all carrying a load, including tasks, challenges, worries, inner criticism, mistreatment from others, physical and emotional pain, loss and illness now or later, and everyday stresses and frustrations. Take a moment to get a sense of your own load. It's very real, isn't it? ...
Views: 153 - Feel Whole - by Submitted on Dec 29, 2024 from Rick HansonWhen I look back on mistakes I've made - like dumping my anger on someone, making assumptions in haste, partying too much, losing my nerve, being afraid to speak from my heart - in all cases, a part of me had taken over. You know what I mean. The parts of us that have a partial view are driven ...
Views: 99 - Feeling A Little Sour? - by Submitted on Feb 29, 2016 from Rick HansonTone matters. I remember times I felt frazzled or aggravated and then said something with an edge to it that just wasn't necessary or useful. Sometimes it was the words themselves: such as absolutes like "never" or always," or over-the-top phrases like "you're such a flake" or "that was ...
Views: 1067 - Find Stillness - by Submitted on Feb 27, 2024 from Rick HansonThings keep changing. The clock ticks, the day unfolds, trees grow, leaves turn brown, hair turns gray, children grow up and leave home, attention skitters from this to that, the cookie is delicious but then it’s all gone, you’re mad about something for a while and then get over it, ...
Views: 248 - Find The Good News - by Submitted on Mar 11, 2024 from Rick Hanson“Tell the truth.” It’s the foundation of science – and the foundation of healthy relationships, communities, and countries. But the truth of things is complicated. To simplify, there is the good of things that are enjoyable and helpful, the bad of things that are painful and harmful, and ...
Views: 253 - Find What's Sacred - by Submitted on Jan 08, 2024 from Rick HansonThe word sacred has two kinds of meanings. First, it can refer to something related to religion or spirituality. Second, more broadly, it can refer to something that one cherishes, that is precious, to which one is respectfully, even reverently, dedicated, such as honesty with one's life ...
Views: 262 - Find Your Ground - by Submitted on Apr 07, 2025 from Rick HansonI've been to New Zealand, and really respect and like it. There's a Maori term - turangawaewae, "a place to stand" - that I've come back to many times. I'm sure I don't know the full meaning of the word in its cultural context. But at a basic level, it's clear that we all need a place to ...
Views: 7 - Find Your North Star - by Submitted on Dec 25, 2023 from Rick HansonI did a meditation retreat (at Spirit Rock, a wonderful place, including for workshops). One evening as we walked out of the hall after the last sit, I was feeling rattled and discombobulated. (One of the benefits of a retreat - though it can be uncomfortable - is that it stirs up the sediments ...
Views: 279 - Find Your Own Way - by Submitted on Mar 19, 2024 from Rick HansonThe human body has about 100 trillion cells (plus another ten quadrillion microscopic critters hitching a ride, most of them beneficial or harmless). Each one of your cells has aims - goals, in a sense - controlled by its DNA: cells conduct processes aimed at particular functions, like building ...
Views: 250 - Forgive - by Submitted on Mar 13, 2023 from Rick HansonForgiveness is a tricky topic. First, it has two distinct meanings: To give up resentment or anger To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let ...
Views: 350 - Friend or Foe? - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2015 from Rick HansonFriendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive. Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, ...
Views: 1028 - Get Out of the War - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2024 from Rick HansonBy "war," I mean here a mindset, not combat between nations with tanks and bombs. The "war" I'm referring to is an attitude of conflict and animosity toward a person, object, or condition. Parents can feel at war with a misbehaving teenager, and certainly vice versa. Neighbors quarreling over a ...
Views: 177 - Gift Yourself - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2024 from Rick HansonCan you remember a time when you offered a gift to someone? Perhaps a holiday present, or a treat to a child, or taking time for a friend – or anything at all. How did this feel? Researchers have found that giving stimulates the same neural networks that light up when we feel physical pleasure, ...
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