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Articles from Sam Vaknin | Selfgrowth.com
- The Test of Three Rs - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2013 from Sam VakninAcquired Situational Narcissism can be induced in adulthood by celebrity, wealth, and fame. But, it may also occur in a variety of other situations. Codependents, aiming to fend off gnawing abandonment anxiety, can resort to and evolve narcissistic and even psychopathic behaviours and traits in ...
Views: 2574 - Putting the Broken Humpty-Dumpty Narcissist Back Together - by Submitted on Oct 12, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Positive feelings (about oneself or pertaining to one's accomplishments, assets, etc.) – are never gained merely through conscious endeavor. They are the outcome of insight. A cognitive component (factual knowledge regarding ...
Views: 2494 - Rorschach Inkblots Test - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Swiss psychiatrist Hermann Rorschach developed a set of inkblots to test subjects in his clinical research. In a 1942 monograph, Rorschach postulated that the blots evoke consistent and similar responses in groups patients. Only ten of the original inkblots are currently in diagnostic use. ...
Views: 2461 - "I Want Him to Pay a Price for What He Did - Yes: I want REVENGE!" - by Submitted on Feb 11, 2013 from Sam VakninThe need to seek revenge on wrong- and evil-doers is as ancient as Mankind. But people attempt to address their grievances in three ways: 1. Punitive-moralistic The aim of this type of vengeance is to restore justice and, with it, the victim’s view of the world as orderly, predictable, ...
Views: 2438 - Abuse Victim's New Year Resolutions - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2012 from Sam VakninNew year resolutions are notoriously fragile and ephemeral. But victims of abuse cannot afford this cavalier attitude: their mental - and too often physical - health depends on strictly observing the following promises to themselves: 1. I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from ...
Views: 2433(1 vote) - Abusers Abuse despite Abandonment Anxiety - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2016 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The abuser abuses his intimate partners, significant others, and nearest and dearest because it helps him to regulate his excruciating abandonment anxiety in 4 ways: (1) By devaluing others, he restores his sense of ...
Views: 2384 - Psychological Defense Mechanisms - by Submitted on Apr 29, 2007 from Sam VakninAccording to Freud and his followers, our psyche is a battlefield between instinctual urges and drives (the id), the constraints imposed by reality on the gratification of these impulses (the ego), and the norms of society (the superego). This constant infighting generates what Freud called ...
Views: 2380 - Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Asperger's Disorder - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence). In both ...
Views: 2354 - I am Afraid to Date Again. I am Considering Online Dating instead of the Real Thing. - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninThere is a delicate balance to be maintained between the need to process the trauma of divorce (to recuperate, heal, and recover) and the need to maintain the interpersonal skills essential to dating and, later, to bonding and pair-formation (pairing). The main problem may be the temporary ...
Views: 2339 - Psychopathic Narcissists: The Uncanny Valley of Cold Empathy - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Sam VakninCold Empathy evokes the concept of “Uncanny Valley”, coined in 1970 by the Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori. Mori suggested that people react positively to androids (humanlike robots) for as long as they differ from real humans in meaningful and discernible ways. But the minute these ...
Views: 2329 - "I Admire and Support him and He Abuses Me!" - by Submitted on Oct 08, 2013 from Sam Vaknin“I admire and support him. I am his biggest fan. I am his right hand and one woman audience. I am his best friend and his only source of succor. Yet, he constantly humiliates and berates me and abuses me in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. What gives?” He may be a narcissist. The narcissist ...
Views: 2280 - The Demise of Empathy at Home and in the Family and the Role of Technology - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2012 from Sam VakninEmpathy is on a precipitous decline in the family and home environments. Technology is partly to blame, but so are other social and economic trends. On June 9, 2005 the BBC reported about an unusual project underway in Sheffield (in the United Kingdom). The daily movements and ...
Views: 2202 - The Psychology of Torture - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2003 from Sam VakninThere is one place in which one's privacy, intimacy, integrity and inviolability are guaranteed - one's body, a unique temple and a familiar territory of sensa and personal history. The torturer invades, defiles and desecrates this shrine. He does so publicly, deliberately, repeatedly and, ...
Views: 2195(1 vote) - Am I Manipulating My Narcissist? - by Submitted on Sep 22, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" All told, there are three ways to manipulate the narcissist: (1) To withhold narcissistic supply from him until he comes, hat in hand, begging for more and then you can name your price and dictate terms; (2) To ...
Views: 2180 - The Malignant Optimism of the Abused - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2003 from Sam VakninI often come across sad examples of the powers of self-delusion that the narcissist provokes in his victims. It is what I call "malignant optimism". People refuse to believe that some questions are unsolvable, some diseases incurable, some disasters inevitable. They see a sign of hope in every ...
Views: 2097(1 vote) - Narcissist vs. Psychopath - by Submitted on Apr 20, 2007 from Sam VakninWe all heard the terms "psychopath" or "sociopath". These are the old names for a patient with the Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD). It is hard to distinguish narcissists from psychopaths. The latter may simply be a less inhibited and less grandiose form of the former. Indeed, the DSM V ...
Views: 2080 - "I am Terrified that S/he will Abandon Me! I will Do Anything to Avoid It!" - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninClinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the ...
Views: 2067(2 votes) - TIPS: How to Cope with Financial Abuse - by Submitted on Jul 03, 2013 from Sam VakninQ. Would narcissists often try to restrict their partner's independence by reducing their access to shared family finances? Why? A. Narcissists are control freaks, paranoid, jealous, possessive, and envious. They are the sad products of early childhood abandonment by parents, caregivers, role ...
Views: 2062(1 vote) - Once and Future Monogamy - by Submitted on Feb 10, 2013 from Sam VakninThe ancient institution of monogamous marriage is ill-suited to the exigencies of modern Western civilization. People of both genders live and work longer (which renders monogamy impracticable); travel far and away frequently; and are exposed to tempting romantic alternatives via social ...
Views: 2015(6 votes) - Solitude as a Rational Choice - by Submitted on Dec 29, 2013 from Sam Vaknin“Purebred” schizoids shrug off their disorder: they simply don’t like being around people and they resent the pathologizing of their lifestyle “choice” to remain aloof and alone. They consider the diagnosis of Schizoid Personality Disorder to be spurious, a mere reflection of current social ...
Views: 2006 - Sex or Gender - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2003 from Sam VakninAlan Pease, author of a book titled "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps", believes that women are spatially-challenged compared to men. The British firm, Admiral Insurance, conducted a study of half a million claims. They found that "women were almost twice as likely as men to have a ...
Views: 1978(1 vote) - Lidija Rangelovska’s View of Shame - by Submitted on Oct 07, 2015 from Sam VakninLidija Rangelovska advanced the idea that some children subjected to abuse in dysfunctional families – objectified, dehumanized, their boundaries breached, and their growth stunted – develop intense feelings of shame. They turn out to be codependents or narcissists owing to their genetic makeup ...
Views: 1977 - The New Matriarchy and the Redundant Male - by Submitted on Feb 10, 2013 from Sam VakninFrom the dawn of history to the late 1950s, the collective had been the organizing principle of human affairs. The pursuit of happiness was channelled via collectives and even dissidents and rebels formed collectives to express their grievances. But, this old system brought humanity to the verge ...
Views: 1965 - Narcissist: Fake it Till You Make It - by Submitted on May 19, 2016 from Sam VakninWhy do some narcissists end up being over-achievers, pillars of the community, and accomplished professionals - while their brethren fade into obscurity, having done little of note with their lives? There seem to be two types of narcissists: those who derive ample narcissistic supply ...
Views: 1949 - Narcissistic Offspring, Narcissistic Parents - by Submitted on Feb 27, 2014 from Sam VakninThe Japanese call them “parasite singles”, the Americans “boomerang kids”. Sociologists refer to the “accordion family”: it expands and then contracts and then expands again as children return to what should have been an “empty nest.” Why do youngsters opt to live with their parents rather ...
Views: 1933 - The Psychology of Spree Shooters - by Submitted on Dec 02, 2010 from Sam VakninMost spree shooters are loners. They are either schizoid (with deficient interpersonal skills) or paranoid and even paranoid-schizophrenic (psychotic, delusional). Their dysfunction is all-pervasive: their family life, career, romantic relationships, professional and material accomplishments are ...
Views: 1926 - Facilitating Narcissism - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2003 from Sam Vaknin"The new narcissist is haunted not by guilt but by anxiety. He seeks not to inflict his own certainties on others but to find a meaning in life. Liberated from the superstitions of the past, he doubts even the reality of his own existence. Superficially relaxed and tolerant, he finds little use ...
Views: 1887(1 vote) - Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Prevalence and Comorbidity - by Submitted on Apr 17, 2007 from Sam VakninWhat is the Difference between Healthy Narcissism and the Pathological Kind? In my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", I define pathological narcissism as: "(A) life-long pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of ...
Views: 1881 - Triggering Cascade, Trauma Imprinting, and Total Reactance - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2019 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" "Triggering cascade" is when a seemingly minor trigger results in vastly disproportional trauma. Painful memories, replete with the attendant negative emotions, are walled behind mental barriers: combinations of dams and ...
Views: 1876 - Schizotypal Personality Disorder - by Submitted on May 03, 2007 from Sam VakninDo you believe in UFOs and alien abductions? You may be suffering from the Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Do you believe in the immaculate conception of the Virgin Mary and in the resurrection of her son? Then you are merely a religious person. In other words, it is OK to believe in certain ...
Views: 1874 - Romantic Jealousy - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninPathological envy is not the same as romantic jealousy. These two emotions have little to do with each other. Romantic jealousy is the product of a violation of trust; a breach of romantic exclusivity of intimacy; and a denial of possession. It also involves damage to the self-esteem and ...
Views: 1871(1 vote) - Nationalism vs. Patriotism: Narcissism vs. Self-love - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Patriotism is akin to the healthy form of self-love: it consists mainly of pride in one’s self-identity and values based on one’s culture and shared history. Patriotism is not exclusionary, but inclusive. The patriot, in ...
Views: 1847 - Munchausen and Munchausen by Proxy Syndromes: Forms of Pathological Narcissism? - by Submitted on Nov 24, 2013 from Sam VakninPatients afflicted with the Factitious Disorder colloquially known as “Munchausen Syndrome” seek to attract the attention of medical personnel by feigning or by self-inflicting serious illness or injury. “Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome” (Factitious Illness or Disorder by Proxy, or Imposed by ...
Views: 1829 - The Death of Traditional Sex in a Unisex World - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2013 from Sam VakninTraditional sex – the heady cocktail of lust and emotional bonding - is all but dead. In a culture of casual, almost anonymous hookups, suppressing attendant emerging emotions is the bon ton and women and men drift apart, zerovalent atoms in an ever-shifting, kaleidoscopic world, separated by a ...
Views: 1826 - The Narcissist Loves His Narcissistic Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Oct 27, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist can get better, but rarely does he get well ("heal"). The reason is the narcissist's enormous life-long, irreplaceable and indispensable emotional investment in his disorder. It serves two critical functions, ...
Views: 1804 - Coping With Your Abuser - by Submitted on Oct 24, 2003 from Sam VakninHow to cope with your abuser? Sometimes it looks hopeless. Abusers are ruthless, immoral, sadistic, calculated, cunning, persuasive, deceitful - in short, they appear to be invincible. They easily sway the system in their favor. Here is a list of escalating countermeasures. They represent the ...
Views: 1795(2 votes) - Understanding Your Past Relationships and Preparing for the Future - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninRomantic relationships with intimate partners (significant others) are comprised of three components: I. Mate Selection (Choice) II. Relationship Model or Hypothesis III. Termination Triggers Mate selection is critical, of course, but even more ...
Views: 1791(1 vote) - The Dynamics of Modern Marriages - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninUntil recently, couples formed around promises of emotional exclusivity and sexual fidelity, uniqueness in each other’s mind and life, and (more common until the 1940s) virginity. Marriage was also a partnership: economic, or related to childrearing, or companionship. It was based on the ...
Views: 1757(1 vote) - What is Abuse? - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2003 from Sam VakninAbusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the "silent treatment"), manipulate, and control. There are a million ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to ...
Views: 1733(1 vote) - Misdiagnosing Narcissism: Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2014 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Anxiety Disorders – and especially Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – are often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Anxiety is uncontrollable and excessive apprehension. Anxiety disorders usually ...
Views: 1707 - Teen Suicide and Social Media - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2018 from Sam VakninTeen Suicide and Social Media By Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Social media and the devices that they run on are designed to be addictive, as many industry executives have confessed. Addiction is always punctuated by periods of withdrawal and its “cold ...
Views: 1696 - Loving Gaze, Adulating Gaze: False vs. True Self - by Submitted on Jan 19, 2012 from Sam VakninIn the film “The Beaver”, the character played by Mel Gibson suffers from depression. He latches on to a tattered puppet in the shape of a beaver and communicates exclusively through it. The Beaver is everything its ostensible master isn’t: daring, creative, exuberant, omnipotent, and ...
Views: 1687 - The Narcissist's Seriously Ill child and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2015 from Sam VakninBy Sam Vaknin Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Narcissistic parents of seriously ill children derive narcissistic supply from onlookers, friends, family, colleagues, and community by attracting attention to their role as saintly caretakers. They are demonstratively and ...
Views: 1670 - Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Diagnostic Criteria - by Submitted on Apr 16, 2007 from Sam VakninThe Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not a new psychological construct. In previous centuries it was called "egotism" or "megalomania". It is an extreme form of pathological narcissism. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is one of the four personality disorders in Cluster B ...
Views: 1663 - Sex - Or Gender? Children of Same-sex Couples - by Submitted on Jul 02, 2013 from Sam Vaknin"One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman." Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949) With same-sex marriage becoming a legal reality throughout the world, many more children are going to be raised by homosexual (gay and lesbian) parents, or even bytransgendered or transsexual ones. ...
Views: 1644 - Traumas as Social Interactions - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2003 from Sam Vaknin("He" in this text - to mean "He" or "She"). We react to serious mishaps, life altering setbacks, disasters, abuse, and death by going through the phases of grieving. Traumas are the complex outcomes of psychodynamic and biochemical processes. But the particulars of traumas depend heavily on ...
Views: 1517(1 vote) - The History of Personality Disorders - by Submitted on Apr 04, 2007 from Sam VakninWell into the eighteenth century, the only types of mental illness - then collectively known as "delirium" or "mania" - were depression (melancholy), psychoses, and delusions. At the beginning of the nineteenth century, the French psychiatrist Pinel coined the phrase "manie sans delire" ...
Views: 1501 - Narcissism and Personality Disorders - by Submitted on Apr 02, 2007 from Sam VakninAre all personality disorders the outcomes of frustrated narcissism? During our formative years (6 months to 6 years old), we are all "narcissists". Primary Narcissism is a useful and critically important defense mechanism. As the infant separates from his mother and becomes an individual, it is ...
Views: 1488 - Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder - by Submitted on Apr 30, 2007 from Sam VakninThere is great confusion regarding the terms co-dependent, counter-dependent, and dependent. Before we proceed to study the Dependent Personality Disorder in our next article, we would do well to clarify these terms. Codependents Like dependents (people with the Dependent Personality ...
Views: 1480 - "I Can Achieve and Do Anything If I Only Put My Mind to It" - by Submitted on Jan 29, 2012 from Sam VakninFrom an early age we are taught (at least in the USA) that there is no limit to what we can achieve; that if we wish to accomplish something all we need to do is set ourselves goals and then apply ourselves to their attainment. With time and dedication, we are told, positive outcomes are ...
Views: 1437(2 votes)