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Articles from Tina Tessina | Selfgrowth.com
- Debunking Myths about Dating - by Submitted on Jul 20, 2014 from Tina TessinaI'm updating my book The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. The new version will be called Dr. Romance's Guide to Dating in the Digital Age. The following article is excerpted from the new book. A lot of the problems that come up in dating again are generated by social expectations (how ...
Views: 1697 - Apology and Forgiveness - by Submitted on Aug 08, 2014 from Tina TessinaIn my clinical experience, I've encountered many clients who are afraid to admit they’re wrong. This comes from a culture of blaming and accusing—where one's early family may have picked a “culprit” when something went wrong, and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the ...
Views: 1696 - Dear Dr. Romance: They said "Go help somebody, you selfish jerk" - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2017 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I recently read "Could He/She be a Control Freak?" and I suddenly found information that seemed to pertain to a failed marriage that I was still pondering about. I am wondering, if a person had a chaotic childhood ...
Views: 1696(1 vote) - Dear Dr. Romance: It would be embarrassing if they found out it was a wig - by Submitted on Apr 03, 2014 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: This question is a little hard for me because it is very personal. My husband and I were married for 24 years before he passed away. During our time together, I developed a severe case of alopecia which has left me with very little hair. This did not bother my ...
Views: 1694 - Dear Dr. Romance: How Can I Stop a Stalker? - by Submitted on Jan 16, 2013 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: Are you familiar with men who won't leave women alone? I'm just trying to understand why someone would STALK me for well over a decade and, during that time, systematically destroy my life because I refused to be in an abusive relationship with him. He didn't seem to ...
Views: 1693(3 votes) - The Colors of You - by Submitted on Apr 14, 2012 from Tina TessinaAs life develops, many of us have an urge to focus on the deeper issues—our dreams and goals, and our emotional and spiritual development. When this happens, life gradually becomes more about meaning and satisfaction and less about obligations and accomplishments. As you mature, you can focus on ...
Views: 1693(1 vote) - Your Primary Relationship - by Submitted on May 10, 2013 from Tina TessinaMost of us put a lot of emphasis on our relationships: family, friends and significant others. But, did you know that the relationship you have with everyone else is based on your relationship with you? That’s right, the closer you get to other people, the more you treat them the way you treat ...
Views: 1692 - Dear Dr. Romance: What do I need to do to become a therapist? - by Submitted on Apr 22, 2013 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I am a 25 year old M.A. student from the Middle East. This year is my final year to have my M.A. degree as a Family specialist to become a family counselor. I saw many things you wrote online as a family and couple therapists and i Loved them all! I was wondering if you ...
Views: 1691 - Baby Boomer? Getting Divorced? - by Submitted on Oct 12, 2013 from Tina TessinaTwo Must Know Tips If You're A Boomer Facing Divorce Divorce is a shock to anyone, but especially older marrieds, who may have been together for a long time. You are likely to be in shock for quite a while, feel numb and lost, and then have delayed grief. Here are two tips to help if you're a ...
Views: 1690(1 vote) - Stop! The Don't Do Dating List - by Submitted on Jul 14, 2013 from Tina TessinaDating Again? Five Things You Must Not Do Dating someone new is not easy for anyone. Expectations can be high, and it’s very easy to make a wrong move. Knowing what not to do on your earliest dates can help you to avoid future problems. Here are Dr. Romance’s reminders of what not to do on a ...
Views: 1687(2 votes) - Dr. Romance New Book: How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together - by Submitted on Jun 05, 2016 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance is delighted to announce the publication of her new book, with co-author Riley K. Smith: How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together By Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. and Riley K Smith, MA How to Be ...
Views: 1684 - Dear Dr. Romance: I am in my forties, and hadn't had sex in years. - by Submitted on Mar 18, 2014 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. RomanceI am in my forties, and hadn't had sex in years. I met someone and we CLICKED. We had sex on the 2nd date, I know you can't unring the bell, and I'm betting that was probably a mistake, but there is a serious physical attraction between this man and myself ...
Views: 1681 - Learning Forgiveness - by Submitted on Apr 05, 2015 from Tina TessinaLearning to forgive those who hurt us is an essential life skill, because it helps develop inner maturity, frees us from emotional bondage to the other person, and helps us develop the power to move on. Forgiveness begins with learning to forgive yourself for any damage you may ...
Views: 1681 - Zen + Sex = Starting Over? - by Submitted on Nov 03, 2013 from Tina TessinaReady To Get Back Out There? 3 Must Knows Men and women have to redefine themselves after a relationship ends, and reinvent their lives. If they do it well, it can lead to the most satisfying and successful years they've had. Dating successfully after divorce or a breakup require several ...
Views: 1680(1 vote) - Dear Dr. Romance: Am I Insane? - by Submitted on Mar 14, 2016 from Tina TessinaDear Dr Romance, I seek some understanding & hope that you will be able to help. I think that I don't know what love is & it has me in constant turmoil. I married when I was 23 yrs old & have 2 beautiful children. Regrettably, the marriage ended in divorce. I am ...
Views: 1679(2 votes) - Dr. Romance on How to Write a Love Letter: put your relationship in perspective - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2015 from Tina TessinaDr Romance adapted this from an Alcoholics Anonymous handout: We often get out of touch or out of sorts with people – sometimes they leave or pass on, sometimes we quarrel, sometimes we just grow apart. If your connection, or lack of one, with someone is troubling you, here’s a simple way to ...
Views: 1679 - Dear Dr. Romance: She doesn't believe that I'm trying to find a job. - by Submitted on Jun 13, 2013 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: My wife she wil get angry very easily. Even for simple things she gets very angry. She always tells me to leave her and she wants to live her family especially with her mother. She tells me she doesn't want to live and mostly she hurts her self. The biggest problem is ...
Views: 1678(1 vote) - Response-Ability - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2013 from Tina TessinaOne of the trends I dislike in our culture is the reluctance of people to take responsibility, or to respond with care to each other. In my counseling practice, I hear a lot of self-justification, mind-reading, defensiveness, blaming and complaining; which is why relationships, friendships, ...
Views: 1678(4 votes) - Dear Dr. Romance: Can you program the subconscious? - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2013 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I saw the articles on your site and I would like to know if you can ´´program´´ the subconscious mind to win a X salary per month, even if the subconscious mind is programmed to attract money. Dear Reader: We have a brain mechanism psychologists call ...
Views: 1673(1 vote) - Dr. Romance: Stop Reacting and Start Relating - by Submitted on Apr 13, 2010 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance writes: Richard and I will celebrate our 28th anniversary next month, and we agree there’s no better delight than sharing life with a loving partner, when you get along as well as we do. Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage is all ...
Views: 1673(5 votes) - Life Lessons - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2013 from Tina TessinaIn this month of giving thanks, I am grateful for the lessons of my life. Perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned is that a meaningful life is about growing your soul, and it happens slowly, in the process of engaging life. My own soul was battered early, when all the closest people ...
Views: 1673(3 votes) - Dear Dr. Romance: I'm Desperate: What Else Can I Do? - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2013 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I suffer with sleeping alone in "our" bedroom while my wife of 14 years, sleeps in our two pre-teen sons' bedroom. I've tried to talk and reason with her about this important problem, only to fall on deaf ears. I'm desperate. What else can i do? ...
Views: 1669(5 votes) - Dear Dr. Romance: I just miss her a lot - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2013 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I found your article about women dating younger men. So, here I'm in a middle of a crisis... hope you can read it and hope you can give some advise. I'm 30, with a promising carreer and a stable job. A year ago, I met a woman, who's seven years older and ...
Views: 1668(1 vote) - Dr. Romance on Ten Things People Don't Know about Therapy - by Submitted on Aug 29, 2013 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance writes: I recently had a first session with a client who said, about halfway into the hour “Wow. I like you. I’m surprised.” I laughed, but I knew what the client meant. As a psychotherapist in private practice, I encounter a lot of people who waited far too long to come in for ...
Views: 1668(2 votes) - How to Cope with Toxic Friendships - by Submitted on May 03, 2015 from Tina TessinaResearch shows that the happiest and healthiest people are those who are well-connected to friends and family, but all friendships are not beneficial. A healthy friendship has mutual caring, mutual respect, mutual responsibility and good communication. Breaking up with an important friend ...
Views: 1668(1 vote) - Dear Dr. Romance: I threw temper tantrums, broke things, yelled and demanded a divorce - by Submitted on Oct 10, 2013 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I'm a middle eastern single mother in my late twenties. suffering from depression and stress. As a child, I always wanted extra care and attention from my parents. I was closer to my father than my mother. When I was molested by an uncle, I complained to my parents ...
Views: 1666(1 vote) - Setting Boundaries and Saying No - by Submitted on May 06, 2013 from Tina TessinaKnowing how to set appropriate boundaries can make the difference in whether or not your relationship succeeds. The topic frequently comes up in my counseling office, and most people think boundaries are set by telling other people what the limits are. But boundaries are really something you ...
Views: 1666(1 vote) - Dear Dr. Romance: I was always wrong - by Submitted on May 18, 2015 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: THANK YOU so much for this dating tip! My girlfriend sent me your article "You Be The Judge" yesterday. I needed this. I dated this African guy for 4 months, 3 weeks in which we were actually together, and I was always upset and let-downed. Always, his way, his ...
Views: 1665 - Intuition or Inner Knowing - by Submitted on Mar 03, 2013 from Tina TessinaWhen I met Richard, my husband, October 10, 1981, he was sitting outside, and the sun was glinting off his red hair, and my whole body and soul said {wow!” Twenty-three years later, we’re still happy. It turned out to be a lasting love at first sight. How did I know? I didn’t. It’s a lovely ...
Views: 1664(5 votes) - Dr. Romance on Older Women Dating Younger Men - by Submitted on Feb 28, 2016 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance gets letters about older women dating younger men; which appears to be shocking to some people, but I don’t find it so unusual. Why would a younger man want to date an older woman? Who isn't attracted to success, smarts and experience? Young men ...
Views: 1663(2 votes) - Dr. Romance Video: Reluctant to Marry Again - by Submitted on Mar 22, 2013 from Tina TessinaTo view the video, click here. Video: Dear Dr. Romance , I'm reluctant to get married again. When a relationship that probably began in hope and joy has ended in failure, grief and pain, It's very understandable to be concerned about repeating an action that was so hurtful. ...
Views: 1662(4 votes) - Treat Your Marriage Like A Client? - by Submitted on Aug 17, 2013 from Tina TessinaHow Your Work Skills Can Help Save Your Marriage If you and your partner tend to think the business end of a relationship is not a romantic topic for courtship, you may not discuss it until you can’t avoid it, and then you fight. You may not think of your marriage as a business deal, but a ...
Views: 1662(2 votes) - Dear Dr. Romance: I don't know how to choose a man - by Submitted on Feb 18, 2013 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: You give good advice and I really like the articles you have here. I wish I could apply it to my life. I have married and divorced twice and i always tell myself "I don't know how to choose a man". But is it the man or me who is wrong? I ...
Views: 1658(2 votes) - Dear Dr. Romance: I rescued my mother from the big bad wolf, my father - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2014 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I read your article about RESCUING: "Avoiding the Drama Triangle". I have been rescuing my mother from the big bad wolf my father. He would beat my mother, beat me, and beat my sister. I decided to rescue her. She decided for me to rescue her from her ...
Views: 1657 - Dr. Romance on Friends in Need: Interventions for Domestic Violence - by Submitted on Sep 23, 2013 from Tina TessinaLast month, Dr. Romance received the following letter from a reader: “A topic I would like you to cover/explore is that curious phenomenon which permits otherwise independent women to be dominated...even abused...by males with whom they share some sort or relationship. Why is it that a ...
Views: 1656(1 vote) - Better Intimacy, Better Sex - by Submitted on Nov 24, 2014 from Tina TessinaAs a counselor, I get a lot of clients who are worried about intimacy and sex. Romance books are a lovely escape from reality, and can help reduce your stress from daily frustrations. And, you can even learn a few tricks to enhance your relationship. The danger comes in if you ...
Views: 1654(1 vote) - Dear Dr. Romance: I went through hell on earth with him until he quit drinking. - by Submitted on May 20, 2011 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I had two divorces, and both men turned out to be gay. By this time my self esteem was shattered, I felt there was something wrong with me. To make a long story short, I basically started dating and slept with men, just because they showed they desired me, for me. (Wrong ...
Views: 1653 - Dear Dr. Romance: Why Encourage Older Women to Date Younger Men? - by Submitted on Feb 28, 2016 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance : After reading: "Older Women, Younger Men Relationships" I feel compelled to write to you to express my disagreement. Age difference is more than an "adolescent worry", unless the older partner is still an adolescent. ...
Views: 1653(2 votes) - Dr. Romance On Your Heart's Desire - by Submitted on Sep 25, 2017 from Tina TessinaYour heart's desire -- what could it be? So many people, including many of my clients, are searching to know what it is would satisfy them, to give their lives focus and direction. "To find in ourselves what makes life worth living is risky business," writes Marsha Sinetar ...
Views: 1653(1 vote) - Problem Solving for Couples - by Submitted on Sep 07, 2014 from Tina TessinaIn a previous article “From Struggling to Solving” I discussed how to get from arguing to solving problems. Getting into the right frame of mind is a great start, but many of my clients also need steps for how to solve problems. Here are three of my most effective ...
Views: 1653 - Humor & Hope - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2013 from Tina TessinaShe was an Italian immigrant in New Jersey, a hard-working, frugal, Catholic single mother who lost her husband in WWII. She spent most days of her life as a “spooler” in a thread factory, retiring just before her job was automated. Her English was good, but she didn’t always catch the finer ...
Views: 1652(2 votes) - Dear Dr. Romance: it was like our relationship didn't matter - by Submitted on Jun 13, 2011 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I am hoping you can help. I made a query about maintaining a marriage over long distance and noted your book The Commuter Marriage My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have had our ups and downs. We are both commited to our relationship. We lived in different ...
Views: 1651(2 votes) - Four Secrets To A Happy Marriage - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2013 from Tina TessinaSave Your Relationship With 4 Easy Steps Dr. Romance’s four simple steps to create a successful marriage. 1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other. Share your ideas and issues about sex, about anger, about disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of ...
Views: 1651(1 vote) - Dr. Romance on How to Stretch Time - by Submitted on Aug 18, 2016 from Tina TessinaDr. Romance writes: Would you like to stretch time – to make the time you have go farther, and use it more for what you really want to do? Stretching time is not difficult if you have the prerequisites: self-awareness, a sense of purpose, thoughtful action, and a playful ...
Views: 1647(1 vote) - Relationships: Tips to Help Overcome your Negative Reaction to your Spouse - by Submitted on Jul 05, 2013 from Tina TessinaEXERCISE: MIRRORS AND TEACHERS 1. List problem people: Make a list of people with whom you have had problems in the recent past. You can use the list from the exercise for reviewing your family map in the last chapter, choose the family members who are still presenting problems, and add to ...
Views: 1645(3 votes) - Dr Romance: 3 Tips to Living Together - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2013 from Tina TessinaIn the throes of a new romance, when dating and getting to know each other are going well, it’s easy to make a big decision from all the energy, or for the wrong reasons. Moving in together for the wrong reasons, or without advance planning, can jeopardize the whole relationship; so do it ...
Views: 1643(3 votes) - Dear Dr. Romance: What Causes One To Constantly Sabotage Oneself? - by Submitted on Jun 03, 2013 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: What causes one to constantly sabotage oneself? Why would someone constantly put up their own roadblocks? Dear Reader: Being out of touch with one's own wants and needs is a primary way to self-sabotage. Getting in your own way is all about how you relate your ...
Views: 1642(1 vote) - Dear Dr. Romance: My daughter told me that she can't take it anymore and wanted to kill herself - by Submitted on Apr 04, 2011 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: I am a divorced father of 3. I am remarried. My 11 year old daughter is very upset about her mother's new boyfriend that is also still married. He was first introduced as a friend but she doesn't understand why he is always at the house and stays till late at night. My ...
Views: 1638 - Dear Dr. Romance: His mother was an alcoholic and a toxic bitch - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2017 from Tina TessinaDear Dr. Romance: Don't know if you can help me or if i need to go to specialist alcohol sites. My partner and i had been together for 21 years, i asked him to leave 8 months ago, but i miss him dreadfully at times and i have to remind myself why i asked him to go. His mother was an ...
Views: 1636(1 vote) - Attitude Adjustment - by Submitted on Jul 28, 2014 from Tina TessinaI have written in this column recently about emotional hygiene, and doing the necessary maintenance on feelings as well as your physical body and household. Health reminders tell us to wash our hands frequently to prevent transmittal of diseases. Did you know you can “wash” your ...
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