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Articles from Margaret Meloni | Selfgrowth.com
- ***3 Ways to Deal with Differences - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2010 from Margaret Meloni"There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish..." Mary Parker Follett The ...
Views: 1611(2 votes) - ***Choose YOUR Battles - by Submitted on Jun 22, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. “ Jonathan Kozol: On Being a Teacher, 1981 Truthfully I do not know if I completely agree with the above quote, I bring it to you anyway because part of me thinks, ‘well this makes sense, I want to pick battles I can win’; but part ...
Views: 1353(3 votes) - ***Choose YOUR Battles - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. “ Jonathan Kozol: On Being a Teacher, 1981 Truthfully I do not know if I completely agree with the above quote, I bring it to you anyway because part of me thinks, ‘well this makes sense, I want to pick battles I can win’; but part ...
Views: 2400(3 votes) - ***New Ideas - by Submitted on Jun 03, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“There is no squabbling so violent as that between people who accepted an idea yesterday and those who will accept the same idea tomorrow… “ CHRISTOPHER MORLEY Wow now isn’t that the truth? Here is another excellent opportunity to sharpen your conflict resolution skills. Some of you ...
Views: 1630(2 votes) - ***What Difference do Differences Make? - by Submitted on May 17, 2010 from Margaret MeloniYou have worked side-by-side with your team for quite some time and the good news is that it has been truly enjoyable. You get along, you work hard together and you laugh hard together. Lucky you, this might even be an example of a high performing team. You assumed it was because you had so much ...
Views: 1246(2 votes) - ***Bringing it ALL to Work - by Submitted on May 05, 2010 from Margaret MeloniI remember it like it was yesterday. I still remember this supervisor looking at me and yelling, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WOULD NOT CHOOSE THE MINISTER?” Ok, Ok – this is a pretty old memory (from the late 1980’s), so it could be that I don’t have the details quite right. Maybe she did not really ...
Views: 1354(4 votes) - ***YOU are a Role Model - by Submitted on Apr 30, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“To observe people in conflict is a necessary part of a child's education. It helps him to understand and accept his own occasional hostilities and to realize that differing opinions need not imply an absence of love.” … Milton R Sapirstein When children can see others disagree and disagree ...
Views: 1438(4 votes) - ***Don’t Give in Without a Fight - by Submitted on Apr 16, 2010 from Margaret MeloniSometimes conflict cannot be avoided and that is not a bad thing. When you and your team or you and a colleague resolve a conflict together, you build a better working relationship. When I say to you, ‘Don’t give in without a fight’; I don’t mean go have an ugly nasty altercation. I mean don’t ...
Views: 2230(5 votes) - ***All that People Stuff - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2010 from Margaret Meloni“I am too busy doing the work to worry about all that people stuff”, said one of my students. “I am busy managing the project and updating the schedule and budget and making sure people don’t miss their deadlines, you know – doing the real work”, he continued. I wish I could tell you this was ...
Views: 1433(6 votes) - ***Fight Fair, Here’s How - by Submitted on Mar 30, 2010 from Margaret MeloniThe time has come. You have a conflict and it cannot and must not be avoided. Not everyone agrees on the solution and arriving at an approach that moves you and the team forward is absolutely necessary. Now what? This really does not need to be a big deal. But you do want to set the stage for ...
Views: 1384(5 votes) - ***Conflict Takes Courage - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2010 from Margaret MeloniLast year there was an unfortunate incident at a military base in the United States. I am talking about Fort Hood. An individual started shooting people. Within hearing range of the shooting a graduation ceremony was taking place. Attending the graduation were medics and other trained personnel. ...
Views: 1420(2 votes) - ***Can You Schedule Conflict? - by Submitted on Mar 15, 2010 from Margaret MeloniRecently we have discussed steps to take to when you decide to step in and step up to conflict resolution. In ‘You Decide to Resolve a Conflict’ Part I and Part II one of the underlying assumptions was that you had time to plan your actions and the steps you would take to resolve the ...
Views: 2311(4 votes) - ***You Decide to Resolve a Conflict, Now What? – Part II - by Submitted on Mar 15, 2010 from Margaret MeloniIn You Decide to Resolve a Conflict, Now What? (http://blog.melonicoaching.com/?p=818) we discussed some steps to take when you decide to step in and help resolve a conflict. These steps were designed to help you when you know in advance that you will be facilitating resolution. Today we are ...
Views: 1209(4 votes) - ***You Decide to Resolve a Conflict, Now What? - by Submitted on Mar 05, 2010 from Margaret MeloniYou have observed a conflict between some of your team members and you realize you are the right person to help them reach a resolution. How do you KNOW this? You have carefully considered the situation, perhaps using “Can You SHOULD You Help Resolve the Conflicts Around You?” as your ...
Views: 1463(5 votes) - ***Can YOU, SHOULD YOU, help resolve the conflicts around you? - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2010 from Margaret MeloniMaybe you've mastered conflict resolution and you like to help others. Maybe you are the one that others come to for help when they have a conflict or you work in an environment where conflict occurs regularly. But somehow you find yourself stepping in and helping to resolve the conflicts around ...
Views: 1379(5 votes) - ***Can't We All Just Get Along - by Submitted on Feb 16, 2010 from Margaret MeloniNo, we cannot all get along all of the time. It is unrealistic to think that all team members will absolutely agree with you or with each other all of the time. If every time you are together, there is never any disagreement, look out - you have problems. Sure, maybe the first time you meet you ...
Views: 1753(4 votes) - ***Collaborating Over Conflict - by Submitted on Feb 12, 2010 from Margaret MeloniMary Carol had a difficult decision to make. Her team had an important and risky system upgrade to complete. The upgrade definitely needed to occur over a weekend. The schedule was tight and many of the team members felt that the upgrade should occur over an upcoming holiday weekend. This would ...
Views: 1669(2 votes) - ***Make YOUR OWN Paradise - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2010 from Margaret MeloniMy husband turned to me and said, "Everyone here is so nice and so relaxed and so happy". I thought about it for a minute and replied, "Well if you can't be happy here, where can YOU be happy?" The HERE in "Well if you can't be happy here..." was one of the most beautiful tropical islands in ...
Views: 1524(1 vote) - ***Should YOU AVOID Conflict? - by Submitted on Jan 29, 2010 from Margaret MeloniMost of the times you do not want conflict to go unaddressed. It is your job as a leader to ensure that your team engages in healthy and productive conflict and to make sure that conflict is not ignored. After all desperately hoping that an issue will just go away is a great way to turn a small ...
Views: 3246(7 votes) - ***Stop the Shoulding! - by Submitted on Jan 21, 2010 from Margaret MeloniThe women next to me in line said to her friend, "I am so tired of people telling me what I should do. I just want to yell, STOP SHOULDING ON ME!" I could not help but smile a bit. Not at her annoyance and frustration, but at the phrase, 'stop shoulding on me.' I thought, "What a great ...
Views: 1958(5 votes) - ***Why YOU avoid YOUR Resolutions and What to Do About it - by Submitted on Jan 11, 2010 from Margaret MeloniHere is a New Year’s resolution you almost never hear: “This year I vow to keep everything the same, I am going to weigh the same, exercise the same, talk to all of the same people and be exactly the same.” New Year’s resolutions are about change and sometimes change is difficult. Let’s ...
Views: 1171(2 votes) - ***Building Your Conflict Resolution Skills? Consider these tips. - by Submitted on Jan 06, 2010 from Margaret MeloniFor many of us becoming comfortable with conflict is part of our continued personal development. Here are three tips for you to work with as you continue to make peace with conflict. 1) Take time to learn and understand the various conflict resolution modes. What are the conflict resolution ...
Views: 1579(1 vote) - ***3 Ways Your EQ Resolves Conflict - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2010 from Margaret MeloniYour Emotional Intelligence can help make or break you. After all your Emotional Intelligence or EQ is your ability to handle yourself and others. It is all about your ability to get along with others and build relationships. In today’s world it is not enough to be good at the technical aspects ...
Views: 1985(2 votes) - ***What are the Five Conflict Resolution Modes? - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2009 from Margaret MeloniAnd which one do you use most often? When you understand how you handle conflict, you can begin to understand when your approach is effective and when it is not. Then you can learn to adapt your behavior and draw from different conflict resolutions styles as-needed. There are five conflict ...
Views: 7151(2 votes) - ***How Am I Supposed to Do That? - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2009 from Margaret Meloni“Margaret, you share with us these great tips for treating people with compassion. You make sense when you remind us that other people’s behavior is about them. But how are we supposed to really do this in the real world? Especially when someone is right in my face and I just want to yell at ...
Views: 1318(3 votes) - ***How a Cup of Coffee Can Ruin Your Day - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniDanielle left the house with just five minutes to spare. It would have been better if she had left ten or fifteen minutes early because she wanted to stop and buy a cup of coffee. She decided that she could probably get in and out of the coffee house within seven minutes and that being just two ...
Views: 1627(3 votes) - ***The Face of Conflict - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniOne of the more common definitions of conflict is that it is a clash between two (or more) opposing groups or that it is a power struggle or a battle between opposing forces. When you think of conflict, you may think of it as a negative (think power struggle or battle) or you may think that ...
Views: 1659(9 votes) - ***Seasoning our Behavior - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniHi Everyone, The item below is not a new post, but it has become an ‘old favorite’ and it is appropriate for this time of year. Once again I bring you ‘Seasoning Our Behavior’. This week marks the Thanksgiving holiday in the United States. There are many traditions that surround this holiday ...
Views: 1328(3 votes) - ***Be Honest about YOUR Boundaries - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniIs this you? You start working for somebody new and you want to make a good impression. Maybe you start carrying your BlackBerry with you everywhere and you answer them all night and all weekend. Every time they send you something, you answer them whether or not you are on call. As time goes ...
Views: 1391(3 votes) - ***Next Time YOU Make a Mistake - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniMost of you are your own worst critic. So when you make a mistake you are much harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. It is completely normal to be disappointed with yourself, but the longer you beat yourself up the longer it takes for you to regain your confidence. If you ...
Views: 1473(2 votes) - ***You are Doing Your Best - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniIf you follow sports you have noticed that top athletes do not always perform consistently. A world class runner may break a world record in one competition and then not even place in the same event one week later. A champion weight lifter might break a record and then be unable to lift that ...
Views: 1772(5 votes) - ***Don’t Assume a Thing - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniIn one of the first classes I taught, I had a student who was always scowling at me. It would have been really hard to miss that scowl. He sat in the front row and it was a small class in a small room. He was friendly enough when he entered the class room and when he left for the evening. ...
Views: 1380(6 votes) - ***It's Not Personal - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniSally looked at Mary Carol and said, "Wow how did you do that? How did you just brush it off, I mean Jim just got in your face and told you that he hates working with you. And you are just as calm and collected as ever." Mary Carol looked at Sally and said, "Well I am really not taking it ...
Views: 1366(4 votes) - ***Be Impeccable with Your Word - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret Meloni“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Do any of you remember that charming little childhood chant? It was meant to ward off the cruel verbal taunts we received from other children. Sometimes kids can be very harsh with their teasing. Sometimes adults can be very ...
Views: 3349(4 votes) - ***The Face of Conflict - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniOne of the more common definitions of conflict is that it is a clash between two (or more) opposing groups or that it is a power struggle or a battle between opposing forces. When you think of conflict, you may think of it as a negative (think power struggle or battle) or you may think that ...
Views: 1257(1 vote) - ***The Intersection of EQ, Difficult People and You! - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniQuestion: What happens when you take someone with empathy and place them in a meeting with someone who is pitching a fit? Answer: The person who is pitching the fit gets lucky because they have someone in the room who understands that sometimes others get upset in the workplace AND someone ...
Views: 1210 - ***Conflict and You - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret MeloniDo you and the people you work with share the exact same beliefs, perspectives, priorities and goals? Probably not. Hmmm, I guess that means you are going to experience conflict. Conflict is a condition in which people’s concerns appear to be incompatible. In fact since you and your co-workers ...
Views: 1799(6 votes) - How Did That Feel? - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2009 from Margaret MeloniMary Carol arrived at the hospital too late, Lydia had just died. Mary Carol and her co-workers all knew that Lydia was dying. Lydia had been fighting cancer for several months and unfortunately she did not respond to the treatment. Mary Carol was coming to say goodbye. She said her good byes ...
Views: 699(2 votes) - What’s Your Motivation? - by Submitted on Aug 24, 2009 from Margaret MeloniJane had a tough decision to make. She had two strong candidates for her former Director of Software Development position. Newly promoted to CIO (Chief Information Officer) Jane needed to backfill her old position quickly. This was the first decision she would make in her new role, so selecting ...
Views: 784(1 vote) - Are You in Control? - by Submitted on Aug 17, 2009 from Margaret MeloniThe scene below depicts Jane and her behavior while in a bad mood. In this potential scenario Jane is being really hateful: “Do you think you could stop surfing the web long enough to get me a latte? I would hate to think your horoscope for the day includes bad customer service.” For some ...
Views: 765(2 votes) - Are You Aware? - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2009 from Margaret MeloniScene One: “Do you think you could stop surfing the web long enough to get me a latte? I would hate to think your horoscope for the day includes bad customer service.” For some reason, snapping at the coffee house barista made Jane feel just a bit better. Jane slammed some money on the ...
Views: 659(1 vote) - What is EQ and Why Do You Care? - by Submitted on Aug 03, 2009 from Margaret MeloniEQ is the acronym for Emotional Intelligence. So not only do you and I have an IQ (Intelligence Quotient), we also have emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is not about traditional intelligence. It is about our ability to handle ourselves and others. It is all about our ability to get ...
Views: 1163(2 votes) - Creatures of Habit - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2009 from Margaret MeloniJeanette and Rusty left work early to compare notes. Both of them worked for the same director and both of them were unhappy with their performance reviews. Jeanette had tried to discreetly ask her peers about their performance reviews, but Rusty seemed to be the only other manager who was ...
Views: 856(1 vote) - Garbage In, Garbage Out - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2009 from Margaret MeloniIt’s the end of a long day. You started the day early in order to meet a deadline and you ended the day late to meet that same deadline. The good news is that you reached your goal. The bad news is that traffic on the way home was miserable. When you arrive home you can’t wait to sit on the ...
Views: 879(1 vote)