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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- "There's Too Much To Do" - by Submitted on Oct 27, 2010 from Margaret Paul"There's too much to do. You'll never get it all done." My wounded self was harping on me about not having enough time. It's true that my life is very busy. But every time my wounded self told me that there is too much to do and that I will never get it all done, my body got tense. And, as I ...
Views: 3637(2 votes) - Beyond Misery Junk! - by Submitted on Oct 28, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhat creates your misery?Junk!What kind of junk?Junk thoughtsJunk FoodJunk drugsJunk ThoughtsJunk thoughts are any thoughts that create anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, blame, resentment, jealousy, envy – any thoughts that create misery.We all have junk thoughts at times, but many ...
Views: 4040 - Relationships: "I'm Open, You're Closed" - by Submitted on Oct 19, 2010 from Margaret PaulRianna and Joel consulted with me because they kept getting stuck in their relationship whenever there was a conflict. It wasn't the issue itself that kept creating a problem, but how they were dealing with the issue. Married for 7 years with three children, they loved each other deeply, and ...
Views: 4518(1 vote) - Law of Attraction: The Importance of Feeling Good - by Submitted on Oct 14, 2010 from Margaret Paul"It's really important that you feel good. Because this feeling good is what goes out as a signal into the universe and starts to attract more of itself to you. So the more you can feel good, the more you will attract the things that help you feel good and that will keep bringing you up ...
Views: 5904(7 votes) - ***Resistance to Gratitude: Why Isn't The Law of Attraction Working for Me? - by Submitted on Sep 30, 2010 from Margaret PaulMost of us know that expressing heartfelt gratitude is a powerful way to raise our frequency and connect with our spiritual Guidance. Yet many people rarely or never express gratitude, and when they do, it is more rote than truly heartfelt.In a phone session with Deb, one of my clients, we were ...
Views: 3658(5 votes) - ***Do You Avoid Failure Like the Plague? - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2010 from Margaret Paul"You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."--Mary Pickford, 1893-1979, Actress and producerThere are two kinds of people: those who focus on avoiding failure, and those who focus on learning ...
Views: 5233(2 votes) - ***The Art of Manifestation: When It Is Loving to Be Controlling - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2010 from Margaret PaulIs it loving or unloving to be controlling? It all depends on your intent, on which part of you is trying to control, and what you are trying to control.When Controlling is UnlovingWhen you are coming from an ego wounded part of yourself and your intent is to control others to get them to do ...
Views: 2718(2 votes) - ***The Power of Tears - by Submitted on Sep 09, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either." - Golda MeirDo you have a lid on your tears? Do you also have a hard time laughing with your whole body?Our tears are a God-given way of expressing sadness, just as laughter is a God-given way of ...
Views: 5065(3 votes) - ***Moving Beyond Emotional Dependency - by Submitted on Aug 30, 2010 from Margaret PaulAre you ready to be your own person? Are you ready to move beyond neediness and into emotional freedom? Are you ready to stop needing others to make you feel that you are okay? Are you ready to learn to fill yourself with love and define your own worth?I hope so! Being emotionally dependent is a ...
Views: 5468(3 votes) - ***What Will They Think? - Love and Approval Addiction - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhen you were growing up, how often did you hear, "What will they think?"Who are "they?" Unfortunately, "they" are everyone. Many of our parents and caregivers were love and approval addicted and geared their behavior to try to have control over getting love and ...
Views: 5330(3 votes) - ***Needs vs. Neediness - by Submitted on Aug 20, 2010 from Margaret PaulI recently received the following request:"Hi Dr. Paul -- I would be interested in an article that talks about having needs vs. being needy.I was brought up to be ashamed of my needs. I was supposed to be self-sufficient. As a result, I am ashamed of neediness and often don't recognize my ...
Views: 2819(1 vote) - ***Speaking Your Truth When it's Hard - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2010 from Margaret PaulHow often do you withhold the truth from someone important to you - your partner, friend, parent, child, co-worker - because you know he or she will get angry rather than care about you?How you do feel when you don't speak your truth about something that is important to you? It is likely that ...
Views: 6549(1 vote) - What is Emotional Freedom? - by Submitted on Jul 15, 2010 from Margaret PaulMy definition of emotional freedom is being free from feeling like a victim of and controlled by our emotions. We are emotionally free when we know how to learn from and manage our feelings so that we are not reactive to them and they don't control us.How Do We Attain Emotional Freedom? ...
Views: 4847(2 votes) - Lying as a Form of Control - by Submitted on Jul 12, 2010 from Margaret PaulAll of us, as we were growing up, learned a myriad of ways to try to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. One of the ways we might have learned is to lie.We all had many opportunities to learn this way of protecting ourselves, which is a form of manipulation/control:A ...
Views: 4216(1 vote) - The ONE Major Cause of Relationship Problems! - by Submitted on Jul 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhat if there really is ONE major cause of relationship problems, one issue that if you address, would change everything? The good news and the bad news is - there is!The good news is that it makes it easier to understand why you might be having problems in your relationship.The bad news is that ...
Views: 4877(2 votes) - ***Are You Caring or Caretaking? - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2010 from Margaret PaulCaring = giving to another from love, for the joy of it - as a free gift Caretaking = giving to get love, giving with an agenda attached, giving yourself upEven though the actions of caring and the actions of caretaking might look exactly the same, the intention is totally different, so the ...
Views: 5075(3 votes) - "Why Won't my Partner Have Sex With Me?" - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulI have worked with individuals and couples for the past 42 years, and I have heard this question countless times: "Why doesn't my partner want to have sex with me?"Over and over, I discover that there is often ONE major reason he or she doesn’t want to have sex.Take Lawrence as ...
Views: 4912(3 votes) - "Why Are My Partners Always Needy?" - by Submitted on Jun 04, 2010 from Margaret PaulAngelo had been married to Serena for 15 years before divorcing. In his marriage, Angelo was a caretaker, always trying to please Serena, always trying to get her approval and avoid her disapproval. Serena was a taker - handing responsibility to Angelo for her happiness and often angry with him ...
Views: 4989(2 votes) - ***The Relationship Trap: "Let's Talk." - by Submitted on May 28, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Let's talk tonight," said Callie."Oh no, not again!" thought Darren as he gave Callie a blank stare, feeling like a deer in the headlights.Darren knew from past experience that "Let's talk," meant, "Let's talking about what you are doing wrong, and about how ...
Views: 4377(2 votes) - Life's One Achievable Goal - by Submitted on May 19, 2010 from Margaret PaulMost of us have many goals in life. These goals might have to do with work, finances, relationships and family.Some of the goals that many people strive for are to feel worthy, loved, and valued. Many people spend much time in their lives seeking the approval of others, believing that getting ...
Views: 4516(6 votes) - ***Am I in a Healthy Relationship? - by Submitted on May 12, 2010 from Margaret PaulFrequently, my clients and members of our website ask me, "Is my relationship healthy? How do I know if it is healthy?"Just as physical health is on a continuum, emotional health and relationship health are also on a continuum. And, like physical health, each person may have different ...
Views: 5204(4 votes) - The Secret to Emotional Healing - by Submitted on May 06, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhat does it mean to emotionally heal? It means that you know what you are thinking or doing that causes fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, anger, jealousy, and so on, and how to learn from and heal these painful feelings. It means that you no longer turn to addictions to avoid loneliness, ...
Views: 5437(2 votes) - Food That Harms, Food That Heals - by Submitted on Apr 26, 2010 from Margaret PaulOur country is stretched to the limit due to the cost of health care. Even with the new health care bill, there will be on going conflict over what we should do to provide people with affordable health care. But the reason that the problem seems irresolvable is a very complex one.Let's take ...
Views: 3311(2 votes) - Do You Get Frustrated With Others? - by Submitted on Apr 22, 2010 from Margaret Paul"I feel so frustrated when Mark is late," complained Shauna, during our phone session. "What am I supposed to do with all this frustration?"Shauna believed that her feeling of frustration was being caused by Mark. But this was not the case.Frustration is the result of an ...
Views: 4391(3 votes) - Addiction to Distractions - by Submitted on Apr 12, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhen we were growing up, we experienced many life situations that caused us deep heartbreak. Any time we lost someone we loved, or we were yelled at, ridiculed, shamed, ignored, not seen or connected with, physically or sexually abused, or treated in any other unloving ways, our little hearts ...
Views: 5715(3 votes) - ***Core Sadness vs. Wounded Sadness - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulVery often, in my work with my clients, when I ask them what they are feeling they say, "I feel sad." Often, they do not know why they feel sad.Sadness comes from two very different sources.Core SadnessCore sadness is sadness that is in reaction to something that is happening or has ...
Views: 5839(7 votes) - ***The Heart of Healing - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulI have spent many years trying to discover the ONE thing - the one vital choice - that leads to healing and joy, or to suffering.Over 35 years ago I discovered an essential piece of the puzzle: that we each have only one to two intents at any given moment - to protect against pain and ...
Views: 4831(5 votes) - ***Addictions: Talking as a Form of Resistance - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2010 from Margaret PaulI am sitting with Bryan at one of my 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensives. Bryan is talking about one thing after another, and I cannot follow him at all. Nor can I connect with him. My loneliness in sitting with him is giving me important information - that he is in his head, in his wounded self, ...
Views: 5084(3 votes) - Addiction to Spending - by Submitted on Mar 15, 2010 from Margaret Paul"I keep getting into more and more debt, but I can't seem to stop. I do great for a while, and then I just have to go shopping and buy stuff. This is going to ruin my life if I don't stop, but how do I stop?"Mary Beth is addicted to spending. What does this mean and how can she ...
Views: 4881(3 votes) - How Do You Define Success? - by Submitted on Mar 10, 2010 from Margaret PaulTake a moment to go inside and see how you define success. Is your success defined by:How much money you have?Having a big house and an expensive car?How expensive your clothes are?Traveling first class on airlines?How attractive you are?How attractive your partner is?How famous you are?Winning ...
Views: 5746(7 votes) - Gaining Others' Respect - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2010 from Margaret PaulWe all want to be respected by others. And, we would all love to have control over whether or not others treat us respectfully. Is this realistic?Nigel, one of my clients, has a lot of confusion about this issue. He believes that people, especially his wife and children, "should" be ...
Views: 4386(7 votes) - ***Healing Love and Approval Addiction - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2010 from Margaret PaulAre you love or approval addicted?Do you often feel empty inside if you are not in a relationship?Do you often feel empty inside even if you are in a relationship but your partner is not paying attention to you?Do you get anxious when a person you are dating does not contact you when you expect ...
Views: 4896(3 votes) - Healing Emotional Dependency - by Submitted on Feb 17, 2010 from Margaret PaulYou are emotionally dependent when your happiness, sense of safety, and sense of worth are dependent upon others' love, attention, and approval.When you were growing up, perhaps you heard statements like: "What will the neighbors think?" "What will__(so and so)__think if you do ...
Views: 10204(6 votes) - When Someone Rejects You, Who Are They Rejecting? - by Submitted on Feb 10, 2010 from Margaret PaulThe fear of rejection is a huge issue in relationships. For some, the fear is so huge that it stops them from being in a relationship. For others, it plagues them throughout their relationships and causes much anxiety.Rejection is a part of life, and learning to lovingly manage it is very ...
Views: 14396(4 votes) - Heartbreak - by Submitted on Feb 01, 2010 from Margaret PaulCeline, an only child, was 7 years old, her mother died tragically in a car accident. She and her father were devastated. However, unlike so many of my clients who lost parents and no one was there for them, Celine's father was completely there for her, even while dealing with his own grief and ...
Views: 5524(4 votes) - ***Safety With an Open Heart - by Submitted on Jan 28, 2010 from Margaret PaulDo you live your life with your heart mostly open or mostly closed? Do you spend most of your time protecting against rejection or being taken advantage of, or most of your time open to sharing love with others?As children, many people had very heartbreaking experiences that caused them to close ...
Views: 4025(2 votes) - ***Can't Say "No" to People? - by Submitted on Jan 19, 2010 from Margaret PaulWhat are you afraid of if you say "No" to people? Here are some of the things my clients have told me regarding their fear of saying no: "I'm afraid of hurting their feelings. Then they will get angry at me and I will feel like a bad person." "I'm afraid of ending ...
Views: 9451(2 votes) - What Is Emotional Dependency? - by Submitted on Jan 13, 2010 from Margaret PaulAre you emotionally dependent? You might want to go through this checklist.__I cannot feel lovable and worthy without another's approval. __I need a lot of attention from certain people to feel that I am okay. __I don't trust my own feelings. I need others' to validate my feelings. __I am afraid ...
Views: 9258(7 votes) - ***"I Just Want to Explain" - Explaining as a Form of Control - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2010 from Margaret Paul"My husband never lets me explain anything to him. It's so frustrating! He makes these statements that are blaming and attacking and then he won't listen to me when I'm trying to explain.""Why do you want to explain?""I NEED to explain because he is not seeing things ...
Views: 3607(3 votes) - ***A Different Kind of New Year's Resolution - by Submitted on Dec 30, 2009 from Margaret PaulThere are two kinds of New Year's Resolutions:What you are going to do to accomplish your goalsWho you want to beMany New Year's Resolutions are of the first kind:I'm going to lose 25 pounds this yearI'm going to exercise every dayI'm going to learn self-disciplineI'm going to double my ...
Views: 4851(5 votes) - ***Is It Important to you to be Healthy? - by Submitted on Dec 24, 2009 from Margaret PaulHow important is your physical health to you? Of course, most people will say that they really want to be healthy, but what are you willing to DO to be healthy? And what are you willing to NOT DO to be healthy? In other words, what is more important to you than being healthy?Is more ...
Views: 5784(4 votes) - Who Do You Want To Be This Christmas? - by Submitted on Dec 17, 2009 from Margaret PaulChristmas is almost here and you get to decide who you want to be. I don't mean if you want to be Santa Claus. I mean what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be a person who chooses your actions according to your fears of rejection, of getting hurt, of ridicule, or of being taken ...
Views: 2739(4 votes) - "We Can't Communicate" - by Submitted on Dec 08, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhat are couples really meaning when they say, "We can't communicate"?The issue with understanding what this means is what they mean by "communicate."All too often, when a partner states, "We can't communicate," what he or she means is "I can't get my partner ...
Views: 10097(6 votes) - ***Healing the Fear of Intimacy - by Submitted on Dec 02, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhy would someone be afraid of intimacy? Don't we all want to feel close and connected with someone?Yes, of course we want that, but there are very real fears that keep us from opening to emotional intimacy in a primary relationship.The FearsWhat is the first fearful thought you think when you ...
Views: 6276(4 votes) - ***Avoiding Your Feelings by Focusing on Your Partner - by Submitted on Nov 25, 2009 from Margaret PaulWe all have many addictive ways of avoiding feeling our painful feelings and taking responsibility for them. Some of the ways are obvious, such as using substances and processes. Some of the ways can be very subtle.Leon often struggled with feeling empty inside. Inner emptiness is a symptom of a ...
Views: 5338(3 votes) - ***Loving Yourself First - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2009 from Margaret Paul"I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line."--Lucile Ball, 1911-1989, Comedienne and ActressLucile Ball was a very smart woman!Do you believe that if you put others first, they will love and value you and you will feel ...
Views: 10594(18 votes) - Hurt Feelings vs. Hurt Heart - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2009 from Margaret PaulClifford, 42, married with children, told me during a phone session that he was tired of not feeling happy and joyous. "As a small child, I remember being so happy and excited about life. But my parents didn't receive me at all. They were indifferent to my creativity and ...
Views: 6222(6 votes) - ***Addiction to Video Games - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2009 from Margaret PaulEd consulted with me because he was concerned about his 16 year-old son. "He doesn't have any friends. I'd like to spend more time with him but there doesn't seem to be anything he likes to do.""How does he spend his time?" I asked."Playing video games."Betsy ...
Views: 6108(3 votes) - ***Women Who Wish Their Spouses Would Die - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2009 from Margaret Paul"I feel awful saying this," Mary told me during one of our phone counseling sessions, "but I often wish my husband would die. I feel like a terrible person saying this, but I think about it a lot.""I hear this fairly often," I responded. "You are thinking this, ...
Views: 4567(4 votes) - ***Healing Social Phobia - by Submitted on Oct 19, 2009 from Margaret PaulWhat is Social Phobia?Social phobia - or social anxiety - is the fear of interacting with others in various situations: groups, work, school, parties, on the telephone, in a market or store, and so on. People with social phobia experience extreme anxiety or panic when they know that they have to ...
Views: 5209(5 votes)