Trading Goals for Flow

How are those monthly or annual goals progressing? Are you celebrating some, feeling guilt over others?

Instead of merely checking "got it" or "failed" how about looking at the goal as a process? Sometimes we want a particular item or habit in our life. In the case of items, it might seem as simple as "save enough money and buy it." However, there are often emotional attachments to what ownership will mean. Do you believe if you have that item that you will have "made it" and be successful in society's eyes (or your parent's eyes)? Will owning that item bring other things into your life which are desirable? This is sometimes called the Build It And They Will Come philosophy.

The same ideas apply to habits. If you successfully build the habit of exercising, what will that mean? Will it mean you're finally thin enough to be loved by someone? Will it mean you can keep up with your significant other who loves to bike or run marathons?

Rather than centering on the final outcome of the goal, what if you looked at the goal as part of a bigger process. Maybe the goal isn't really building the habit of healthy eating but rather learning to care about yourself. Maybe instead of saving enough money to buy the item you desire, there is another lesson.

I invite you to choose one of your resolutions, or even a goal on your To Do list for this week. Now imagine that the goal is not the endpoint, but rather a sign along the way towards a different goal. You don't need to know what the final goal is (because, really, we can't know the future), just know that what you are working towards now is really part of something much bigger.

Why is this important?

When you focus on the process rather than the outcome, you enjoy it more and have easier access to personal motivation. Looking at goals this way also creates a space for expansion and growth beyond the immediately identified goal. For example, let's say you're saving for a new car. You get the car. Then what? Save for the next thing. And the next thing. This builds the habit of saving and owning. That's where your energy will become centered. Or let's say you get the car and someone smashes into it after you've driven it home. Wow, that would feel awful - doubly so because you worked so hard to get IT. Now let's look at the same goal with the perspective more along the lines of saving for something really spectacular. Oh, hey, got enough money, think I'll buy a car. Then it gets burglarized. Because I've put the emphasis on buying something spectacular, I'm less devastated because I know I can save again and also because I know I gifted myself something spectacular - what it was isn't really important. The honor with which I treated myself is important. In this case I've built the habit of saving and treating myself well.

When we put our goals into a bigger perspective, it helps us to build self esteem. Just for today, reconsider your goal as part of a bigger process.