Love is the energy of all creation and we came into the world positively filled with it. The essence of who we are is love, and us such we were all born with an innate ability to experience unconditional love within us and around us. As children however, many of us actually unlearned how to love others and ourselves. We modeled the way our parents, caregivers, teachers and others around us expressed or in most cases, suppressed love.

Right back since 50BC, when the myth of Narcissus was written, there is evidence of our society holding the false belief that self-love is shameful or wrong. Many of us adopted this belief in order to fit in and belong. We thought that insulating our love would somehow protect it and keep us safe. But, doing this has the opposite effect. Instead of protecting our love, we contracted it and restricted it. We blocked the natural flow of our inner source of healing, of joy and delight.

Because so few of us have experienced giving or receiving unconditional love, we desperately attempt to fill the void with ineffective substitutes like money, sex, false power, comfort eating, violent entertainment and the accumulation of things. All of this whilst constantly seeking the approval of others. The result is that we go through life constantly searching for love to come from outside of ourselves. For many people this has resulted in a lifetime of misery and pain believing something or someone else is needed in order to experience love.

“When we use getting and protecting behaviors, we exhaust ourselves, we spend our lives for nothing, we guarantee that we’ll never feel loved, and we hurt the people around us… Without real love, our fear of being unloved and alone is overwhelming.” Greg Baer

In searching for love outside of ourselves we also put conditions on our love “If you do this/ behave this way/ change, then I’ll love you”. We confuse over-caring and martyrdom with love. We disempower others rather than empowering them because we’ve misunderstood love. We judge, control, reject, manipulate and limit through our misconceptions of love. We stay in painful relationships through fear that we’ll lose love. We live in fear that the pseudo-love we’ve so painfully constructed might be taken from us or withheld. As a result we will do almost anything to try and hold on to our false experiences of love.

The truth is that the same love that existed within us when we were born continues to reside within us all now. It hasn’t gone anywhere. It can’t be taken away. To rise above our old fear based ways of relating to each other, and ourselves, we need to transcend our conditioning and connect back in with the unconditional love at our core. It’s waiting to be remembered, experienced and expressed!

“You’re having a human experience, not a idealistic, saintly experience. You get angry, you feel sad, you love, you’re selfish, you’re generous. You accept that there is nothing wrong with you. Unconditional love like this is such a high vibration that it starts to expand very rapidly… as we embrace the things we judge, we naturally rise above fear-based behaviours and let go of our limitations” Isha Judd

Love, real love is the core of who you are. When you connect with love within, fear completely dissolves and you can make peace with all the parts of yourself you once used to reject or criticise. You can accept that you are completely loveable, just as you are, without needing to change anything. You can love yourself.

When you love who you are, it is then possible to share that love with someone else, without expecting, needing or requiring anything of them in return. The unconditional love within us all has the power to heal, to forgive, to accept, to be compassionate and to radiate healing, forgiveness, acceptance and compassion to others. If we open to love we can change our lives. If we open to love we can heal our planet.

Three Powerful Ways to Experience Unconditional Love

1. Open to love – Close your eyes and relax into your body. Your body is like a car. It is the vehicle for your love. What keeps your car running your heart, the engine. This is the centre of your love. Turn your attention to your heart now. Notice how your energy feels there. Soften into that area of your body. Allow your heart to open and expand. Feel the love from your heart flowing to every cell of your body and replenishing you. Feel the love from your heart connecting you to everyone and everything in your life. By opening your heart you increase your ability to listen to love and appreciate the love that exists, all around you, in the beauty of life.

2. Listen to love – Your heart is constantly communicating with you, sending guidance through all of your senses to help you take action aligned with your highest good. If you listen to your heart it will always encourage you to release fear based thoughts and prioritise self-care. When you find yourself overriding your intuition and pushing yourself or forcing things to happen in your life, place your non-dominant hand on your heart and ask “what is the most loving choice I could make right now/ thing I could do/ way I could be?” – notice whatever comes to you, trust and act on it.

3. Appreciate love – When you allow yourself to take care of yourself, you begin to take better rest, give your body the opportunity to replenish and you become healthier, happier and more aligned with love. You are better able to follow your passions and serve others, because you start giving from a place of plenty, rather than running on empty. From this space it is easier to appreciate love and express gratitude. What you focus on expands. Focus on how you can be more loving from a place of unconditional positive regard for yourself and others, and you will experience far more love in your life than you ever could imagine possible 

Author's Bio: 

Jayne is the founder of Power-Up Coaching™ which combines life coaching, meditation, visualisation, martial arts, angelic healing and integrative arts therapy. Jayne draws on over 20 years martial arts experience and 15 years combined experience in international business, teaching, radio and television presenting. As a qualified Personal and Business Coach, Jayne is a member of the highly reputed Coaching Circle, National Council of Psychotherapists and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council. She holds a BSc in Economics and International Business with languages, an Advanced Diploma in Therapeutic Application of the Arts, and is currently completing her Masters degree in Coaching with Integrative Arts.