The Irrational, BUT Real Fears of Mothers

As mothers we often wonder if we are alone in the worries we have about our children. Through talking to many moms, what I have found is that it seems to be a common thread that runs through the veins of virtually all mothers. Out of the blue we are struck with a horrid visual of something happening to our beautiful bundle of joy who is sleeping peacefully at the moment.

I can’t speak to why these types of thoughts can interrupt our peace of mind, but I can tell you that you are not alone. Instead of beating ourselves up and creating more worry, what we can do is manage our thoughts so that we can get to a better feeling place.

The tie we have with our children obviously creates an attachment and unconditional love that can cause us to entertain heart breaking thoughts of possibly losing our connection with them. This motherly protection is absolutely normal, however if not managed can lead to us sheltering them beyond what is healthy for their growth. I believe this boils down once again to becoming aware and knowing ourselves so that we don’t unknowingly pass our fears down to our children thereby setting them up to possibly live their lives based in fear.

I would love to say that I am the exception to the rule and this is something that doesn’t happen to me, but that would be far from the truth. I certainly wouldn’t say I am an over-worrier, but when worries arise they typically revolve around my children and their safety.

Knowing that “helicopter” parenting is not emotionally or mentally healthy for our children, I do catch myself and do what I can to talk myself into a better feeling place so that I can allow them to be easy-going and fun-loving children. But every once in awhile my ego-mind kicks into overdrive and I go against what I intuitively know is best.

Such an occasion happened on our way to Saskatchewan to visit my family this summer. My parents are from a very small town, and in order to get to this town we need to take some poorly maintained roads. As I turned onto the final highway of our destination, it became quickly apparent that I would have to take my time on this road since there were huge pot holes and asphalt broken up in places. This highway does not have a shoulder, and butted up against the highway were many, many sloughs that were filled to capacity due to all the rain.

Between having heard the story of my dad coming across a lady who died in her truck years ago due to being stuck after having landed in a slough, AND having watched a show about vehicles basically being death traps when immersed in water, seeing all those sloughs along the side of the already treacherous highway created quite a bit of fear in me. Not for myself, but for my kids, because they were to be staying with my parents while I wasn’t there and there would be driving involved.

Unfortunately, the way I initially handled my fear was not great for my kids. I knew intuitively I shouldn’t pass this fear onto them, but my logical, fear-based mind felt an irresistible need to make them aware of this danger, and I justified it by saying I was giving them “safety tips.”

This predictably caused them to be fearful while on that highway.

Initially I struggled between telling my parents that they were not allowed to drive my kids anywhere, and telling myself to get over it. Neither option felt right. Trying to repress my fear did not alleviate it, and saying they couldn’t drive anywhere was unfair to them since it was very limiting.
As I was going to sleep that night, I put out an “asking” for a solution, so that I could feel better about the situation. The next day an idea did come to me that made me feel a whole lot better about them being on that road. The solution was for them to drive with one window open. Because my fear was around the potential of them being trapped within a vehicle if ever submerged in water, the idea of leaving a window open gave me a great sense of relief. Crazy and a little extreme? Perhaps. BUT, the fact is it did alleviate my unreasonable and unrelenting fear. It really didn’t put anybody out by having to accommodate it, other than some wind-blown hair…and besides, that’s a good look!

The reason I am sharing this story at the risk of you finding me a little off my rocker, is because when I told my feelings to my mom, she was very understanding, but also had a response along the lines of, “You teach this. Don’t worry about it or you’ll attract it.”

True, we do attract to us what we put our focused attention on. However, what I don’t teach is denying our own feelings. Whether they seem unreasonable to someone else or not, they are valid to us, therefore not to be disregarded. In this case, I knew trying to convince myself it was okay was only putting a band-aid on how I was really feeling.

So, what can we do when we are caught up in possibly irrational, but very real fears? The answer is get to a better feeling place. Fact is, as mothers we will have worries come up when our kids are involved. We’re mothers; it ain’t ever gonna stop. But you can learn to reframe and talk yourself into feeling better about your fears. When you hit a point of feeling relief, you know you have gotten yourself into a better place vibrationally.