Success and Self Pity

Beware the constant attraction that all of us carry to feel hard done by and the subsequent feelings of how unfair the world can be that become a hiding place from the more fulfilling journey of achievement.
I learned the truth of how we identify with this loop when, on many occasions, my own personal sense of isolation reminded me just how unconnected we can allow ourselves to become.
For example, I once worked on a significant distribution deal with a large company that was chaired by a good friend of mine. This was a major national distribution agreement. Convinced I had been awarded the contract, I delighted in my ability to make this happen. Lots of time, effort and energy went in to securing the deal. From my perspective, the opportunities for both our companies seemed obvious; we could deliver the service and they had the product that needed delivering.
The hallmark throughout the negotiations hinged on my relationship with some key executives from the other company. I felt from an early stage that this was a done deal. All we had to do for the final round of negotiation was to sign on the dotted line. When the decision on the contract was announced I was surprised, amazed and disappointed that my company hadn’t actually got it.
My initial reaction was one of disbelief and then annoyance. All that work and effort to no avail. However, the real prize within this apparent rejection whereby we seemed to have been totally led up the garden path was that now I had an opportunity to examine and appraise the relationships and boundaries within my working practice.
This apparent rejection presented me with the option of looking at the way I did business and the chance to view the situation as a classroom and not as a defeat.
In a roundabout way, it was a perfect example of people attempting to achieve success built on specialness, rather than on the integrity of the process. One of my big lessons was to look at the agendas I carry into this type of transaction and, for that matter, into all my interactions. In this instance the intent was not one of inclusion, it was far more to do with the individuals involved serving separate interests.
As I’ve said before, inclusion is a fundamental element of success. From the outset, establish the limitations and deal with them and in that dealing start to see that the only limitation is your own belief in how you limit your Self.
Success is not about whether you get the contract or sign that deal or win the lottery or find the perfect partner. It has far more to do with honest assessment and appraisal.
Putting the clearest and most honest picture you can as the main agenda gives you a chance to see any situation as it really is and not complicate it through skewed judgments based on past experience or misguided notions of what the other person might do or want.
Be true to your Self in any situation and learn how capable you can be in establishing a future success pattern, uncomplicated and secure.
I had so much opportunity to reflect on how unfairly treated I had been that I could have spent years of wasted time wallowing in the perceived failure and betrayal when in essence what I was really being given was a splendid opportunity to recognise that my own Self-worth far exceeded any distribution deal or any special friendships. What I really should have done was written to the company and my friend to thank him for illuminating my own personal value to my Self.
As said before, beware the temptation to feel unfairly treated. Misery loves company.