Boundaries are invisible walls or lines that exist between ourselves and those around us. They are lines that state "It's not okay for you to cross here". Boundaries exist on the road for us so that we don't crash into each other all the time and so that we can be respectful of our neighboring automobile or bicycle. Without these boundaries I thinks it's pretty safe to say that our roads would be an absolute mess! Ok, so maybe they already are a mess because lets face it- people don't always obey the rules!
Life is a lot like that! Our family members, friends and even strangers have a tendency to swerve into our lane without even the slightest thought of how it might affect us. Sometimes when they cross that line it sends us into a tail-spin or crashing over a cliff! Sometimes we spend hours, days, week, months or even years trying to recover from our injuries. Other times we try to get back at them as hard as we can- all the while saying it was an "accident". I'll refer to this as being "passive aggressive".
All metaphors aside- how often do people say or do things to you that aren't ok? How often do you tell them it's not ok? I'm encouraging you to take a look at how you interact with others- are you respectful of their boundaries and do you respect yours enough to stand up for yourself?
I always seemed to be pretty good at respecting other people's boundaries, but had a very difficult time setting boundaries with others- out of fear that I would hurt or upset them in some way. Over time- and with a lot of personal growth- I realized that my self-esteem, self-worth, confidence and over all happiness were directly related to my personal boundaries- or lack there of.
It's okay for you to say "no" when you mean "no" and it's okay to tell someone when they are offending or upsetting you in some way. The words that I started with were: "It's not okay when..." Try this out and see how you feel. I have a feeling that it may empower you quite a bit and you will be surprised by the reactions you receive from others. When you start to live life in a way that honors and respects your own needs and feelings you will find that others will start respecting you more as well.
Set those boundaries and give yourself the love and respect you deserve!
Elizabeth Cappelletti is a Marriage & Family Therapist and co-author of the books "Raising Healthy Children & Teenagers" and "Getting it Right: A Guide to Healthy Relationships". Cappelletti was the host of "The Holistic Show"- a television show aimed at teaching people how to have a happy, healthy and successful life. She has been working with the media as a Holistic Health expert, helping to inform the public about various psychological issues. These include press interviews, radio and T.V. appearances.
Cappelletti uses a holistic approach to improving peoples lives by encompassing the thoughts, feelings, and emotions as well as physical health, nutrition and interpersonal relationships of an individual. She has experience working with children, adolescents, families, and individuals struggling with a range of emotional issues, such as depression, stress and anger management to name a few.
Cappelletti has a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and a certificate in Art & Creativity for Healing from Chapman University. She has been affiliated with Long Beach Veterans Hospital, Orange County Child Abuse Prevention Center, A Light in the Window, STAR View Community Services, Providence Community Services, Pepperdine Community Counseling Center, F.A.M.I.L.Y. Rules, and Pacific Child & Family Associates.
Cappelletti provides individual, couples and family therapy as well as public speaking.
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