Sense Of Enoughness: Can A Woman Be Obsessed With Her Appearance If She Believes That She Is Not Enough?

A number of days, weeks, or months ago, a woman may have experienced a breakup. If so, since then, she might have put in a lot of effort to change her appearance.

Now, this could mean that she has bought new clothes and perhaps wears things that she didn’t wear before. Then again, it might go further than this as she may have joined a gym.

Another Step

It might not stop there, though, as she might have even had one or a number of cosmetic procedures. For example, she might have had Botox and/or breast augmentation or enlargement.

What is clear is that if she has gone this far, she is likely to look very different to how she looked before. Regardless of what she has done, her friends and family and the people she works with might have commented on her new appearance.

Supportive messages

In general, she might have received a lot of positive feedback from the people in her life. One thing that she might have often been told is how great she looks.

She may have even been told on at least one occasion that her ex was mad to break up with her. If she has heard this, this might have been a time when she experienced a number of positive feelings.

An Automatic Response

When her last relationship came to an end, she might not have allowed herself to embrace how she really felt. And, since then, by focusing on her appearance as well as other areas of her life, she might not have had the chance to really connect to how she feels.

She might believe that she is not bothered about what happened and has just moved on. This could be the case or there could be far more to it.

Shinning the Light

Before long, she could end up meeting a man who she is attracted to and begin another relationship. Nonetheless, as before, the man that she is with could end the relationship and she could be overwhelmed with pain.

She could feel helpless, hopeless, worthless and unlovable. Furthermore, she could feel as though she has been rejected and abandoned.

Nowhere to Run

Unlike before, then, she won’t be able to avoid how she feels; the pain that she is in will be too strong. Also, she could experience a deep sense of not being good enough.

What might enter her mind is that she ended up becoming consumed by her appearance as she believed that if she looked a certain way, this would stop a man from leaving her. If so, this will show that she doesn’t believe that she is enough and this is then why she keeps being left.

A Pattern

If she was to look back on her life, she could find that has continually been left by men. But, while she will have believed that changing her appearance was the key to changing this area of her life, it won’t have had much of an impact.

What are likely to have played a part in why she developed this belief are the society that she lives in and the meaning that her mind made. When it comes to the former, women who are desirable may often be portrayed by the media as having perfect relationships, and when it comes to the latter, she may have seen a number of women who looked a certain way who appeared to have the perfect relationship and looking similar to them was then the way for her to experience the same thing.

Looking Deeper

She will now know that what she believed before is not true and that looking a certain way is no guarantee of having a fulfilling relationship. What he could believe at this point is that this area of her life will never change.

But, if she has continually been with men who have left her and this has been a time when she has been in a bad way mentally and emotionally, there is a chance that she is replaying her past. Her early years may have been a time when one or both of her parents were emotionally unavailable and unable to be there for her.

A Closer Look

Not being seen and heard and being rejected and left by one or both of her parents would then have been normal. This would have deeply wounded her and deprived her of the love that she needed to grow and develop in the right way.

How she was treated was a reflection of what was going on for one or both of her parents; it wasn’t a reflection of her worth or lovability. But, as she was egocentric, she would have personalised what took place.

It’s over

This stage of her life will be over but a big part of her will still be trying to receive the love that she missed out on. This part of her will cause her to unconsciously recreate depriving situations in the hope that she will finally meet her unmet developmental needs.

What this illustrates is that this part of her has no sense of time and is blind. A key part of what will allow her to gradually put the past behind her will be for her to face and work through the pain and experience the unmet developmental needs that were repressed all those years ago.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.