Behind the desire to achieve and to have more can be the need for someone to fulfil their own wants and needs. And other people are also going to provide inspiration.

No one is their own island and it is only natural that other people are going to play a part in what one does or doesn’t do in life. But while other people will play a part it what one does with their life, there is also the chance that one will allow their whole life to be defined by others.


This means that one could end up being disconnected from their true self and place their attention on what other people are doing. Now, this could mean that one ends up following other people or it could mean that one does all they can to come to be better than others.

Ones whole life could be designed in this way and therefore, every action one takes is intended to show how superior they are to others. Or this need could be something that only arises during certain situations.

Beyond Appearances

However, no matter what one owns or how successful they are, they are never going to be better than anyone else. Inherently, each and every one of us has the same value. Of course, some people may have more or have achieved more, but these are all external occurrences.

And in order to attain something or to achieve something, one will need the assistance of other people. These people are likely to be unknown and one will take all the credit and yet, they have still played a part.

Being Better

When one is motivated to be better than others, there is the chance that they will be unaware of the fact that being better or worse is nothing more than an illusion.

And how it is something they have created in their mind and not something that reflects reality. So through being unaware of this fact, they are going to do all they can to outdo others.

But if one has this outlook all the time, there is the chance that it is not only going to isolate them from others, but that they are going to be out of touch with themselves. Other people could see them as being cold and insecure. And this person could have no idea what really matters to them – beyond trying to look better than others.

Highly Competent

However, just because someone has this need, it doesn’t mean that other people always notice it. Through having the need to be better than others, one could just come across as being highly competent in one area of their life or a number of areas.

In this case, one could end up being admired by others and come across as an example to follow. But no matter how they are viewed or how connected or disconnected they are from themselves, their worth is being defined by others.


And the fact that one needs to be better than others shows that they actually feel less than others. If they didn’t feel less than others they wouldn’t have the need to be more than others. Now, this can be hard to believe; especially as they might have achieved and attained so much.

When one feels worthless within there is going to be three options. One can either: let these feelings control their life and sabotage their life; push these feelings out of their mind and achieve monumental success or deal with these feelings and fulfil their true needs and wants.

Emotional Regulation

Doing things that allow one to outshine others or thinking in ways that allow one to feel better than others enables one to regulate how they feel. But as these feelings are still there, it means that one will continually have to outshine others and think in the same ways, or they will have to face how they really feel.

The feedback of others, in regards to how good they are, plays a significant role here. If other people didn’t provide this, there is the chance that one would have to face their emotional truth.

What Happened?

Even though someone can feel worthless at a deeper level and cover this feeling up by doing all they can to be better than others, in ways they aware and unaware of, there is a reason they feel this way.

And while it could be due to what has happened to them in their adult years, it is likely to be the result of what happened during their childhood. This is likely to have been a time where one was made to feel ashamed of who they were and not accepted unconditionally.


Perhaps ones caregivers only loved them when they did what they wanted or achieved something. One may have been abused in some way and through this abuse, came to believe they were worthless.

And the reason this person channelled their pain into being a success and not a failure, could be because there was someone around at the time who treated them differently. They may have been around on a consistent basis or only for a short period of time.


These experiences have caused one to feel worthless. And although many years have passed, the emotional experience has stayed in their body. These feelings will need to be released and this can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

They will also provide the positive regard that one didn’t get growing up and this can be just as important as it is for them to let go of their trapped emotions.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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